so i'm sitting at home and listening to sad music, which brought on my mood. i am hurting emotionally right now.and there's really no good reason for it, compared to the shit some of my friends have seen or been through. but, i was just sitting here and thinking of all the hurt i've caused and all that has been inflicted on me. i think of how hurt i was when tallguy was so insensitive. i really was hurt. but, i'm strong. i dont' let my weaknesses show. tha's just life. and it goes on. and i thought of how i hurt army guyand i cried. life sucks
avearage jane later.
Thursday, November 9, 2006
disappointed in men
so yeah, looks like once again, what i think is great turns out to be a load of shit. well, so from my previous posts you can understand that i think tall guy likes me. well, turns out maybe not like i thought so.
so i come from a mormon family. and every wednesday night, there is an activity for all the guys and girls between the ages of 12-18. well, last night, my activity was earlier than everyone else's, so after our opening part of the night, i didn't have to stay. but, i ended up hanging around the church. and so tall guy it appears still has a girlfriend. he tells me he likes me, but he has a girlfriend. anyone else find something wrong with this picture? anyways, but, so his brothers tell me he's off in one of the classrooms with his girlfriend. and so they go barge in on them and scare them. but, they're in one of the classrooms with the lights off. soon all of us are in there just talking. tall guy's girlfriend leaves for a minute and i get the chance to talk to him. and i ask him why he bothered to see if i liked him when he already has a girlfriend. and he basically said that in case he and his girlfriend break up, he wants a backup. he seriously told me i was just backup. yeah. talk about a slap in the face. and then he is sitting with his girlfriend and signs to me that he loves her. (oh side note about his girlfriend, she's bi. and i dont' have anything against gay or whatever ppl. i just thought it might bug him to be going out with girl that also goes with girls.) anyways, and then i'm just plain pissed off at him. and he tells me, in answer to my question of why he's going out with her, that i don't understand that guys have certain needs, meaning physical stuff. and i thought that was bullshit. but, then to make matters worse, i go and talk to him again completely alone. and i tell him that i do like him. but, i'm not gonna wait around and just hope he and his girlfriend break up. and so i just sit there and sort of talk to him and i'm really pissed and hurt and sad and angry, and almost any other emotion you can think of. and he could sense this. so he comes over to me. (we were in another classroom with the lights off.) and he said to me "what's wrong? you can tell me." and i just sit there. so he comes over and puts his arms around me and gives me a hug. then he rubs my back and tells me it's okay. and it felt nice. i'll admit it. so i told him how i felt about the whole situation. how i was angry, sad, jealous and frustrated. and he was nice about it. we were getting to really seriously discussing it when his girlfriend walked in. we immediately stopped talking and she was like, ' do i need to leave?" and we said that it was up to her. and i think she could sense something. but, she left us alone. soon after that, i had to go home, but, things were left unfinished between us.
but, this whole thing has me in a really depressed sort of mood. and i stillfeel every emotion possible. and that in itself is frustrating cuz i don't know how i completely feel about it. but, i guess life goes on. and for now, me and tall guy will be just friends. and if the time comes and he and his girlfriend break up, and i'm single, i may or may not give him a chance. we'll see how life is when i get there.
average jane signing off.
so i come from a mormon family. and every wednesday night, there is an activity for all the guys and girls between the ages of 12-18. well, last night, my activity was earlier than everyone else's, so after our opening part of the night, i didn't have to stay. but, i ended up hanging around the church. and so tall guy it appears still has a girlfriend. he tells me he likes me, but he has a girlfriend. anyone else find something wrong with this picture? anyways, but, so his brothers tell me he's off in one of the classrooms with his girlfriend. and so they go barge in on them and scare them. but, they're in one of the classrooms with the lights off. soon all of us are in there just talking. tall guy's girlfriend leaves for a minute and i get the chance to talk to him. and i ask him why he bothered to see if i liked him when he already has a girlfriend. and he basically said that in case he and his girlfriend break up, he wants a backup. he seriously told me i was just backup. yeah. talk about a slap in the face. and then he is sitting with his girlfriend and signs to me that he loves her. (oh side note about his girlfriend, she's bi. and i dont' have anything against gay or whatever ppl. i just thought it might bug him to be going out with girl that also goes with girls.) anyways, and then i'm just plain pissed off at him. and he tells me, in answer to my question of why he's going out with her, that i don't understand that guys have certain needs, meaning physical stuff. and i thought that was bullshit. but, then to make matters worse, i go and talk to him again completely alone. and i tell him that i do like him. but, i'm not gonna wait around and just hope he and his girlfriend break up. and so i just sit there and sort of talk to him and i'm really pissed and hurt and sad and angry, and almost any other emotion you can think of. and he could sense this. so he comes over to me. (we were in another classroom with the lights off.) and he said to me "what's wrong? you can tell me." and i just sit there. so he comes over and puts his arms around me and gives me a hug. then he rubs my back and tells me it's okay. and it felt nice. i'll admit it. so i told him how i felt about the whole situation. how i was angry, sad, jealous and frustrated. and he was nice about it. we were getting to really seriously discussing it when his girlfriend walked in. we immediately stopped talking and she was like, ' do i need to leave?" and we said that it was up to her. and i think she could sense something. but, she left us alone. soon after that, i had to go home, but, things were left unfinished between us.
but, this whole thing has me in a really depressed sort of mood. and i stillfeel every emotion possible. and that in itself is frustrating cuz i don't know how i completely feel about it. but, i guess life goes on. and for now, me and tall guy will be just friends. and if the time comes and he and his girlfriend break up, and i'm single, i may or may not give him a chance. we'll see how life is when i get there.
average jane signing off.
Tuesday, November 7, 2006
funny times
so yeah. tall guy approached my sister after school today. and i heard about it from her at home. she came up to me and said, "so i had someone ask me for a favor today." and i asked her, "oh, what?" she said," tall guy called my name and told me to stop and asked me something." and she went on to say, " tall guy asked me to talk to you and see how you felt about him." and i just burst out laughing. it was really funny. cuz tall guy just asked me yesterday himself. and it was really funny. he must actually like me. it's kind of cool. and it's kind of cute, for him to go to all the trouble of finding out how i feel about him.
anyhoo, so life's okay. and i am okay. i'm really excited about what may develop with tall guy. anyhoo, yeah whatev.
average jane signing off! (smile!)
anyhoo, so life's okay. and i am okay. i'm really excited about what may develop with tall guy. anyhoo, yeah whatev.
average jane signing off! (smile!)
Monday, November 6, 2006
i'm back
so i'm back after being gone for about a month. yeah so i was grounded for meeting ppl on the net. well, now i just have to comply with my parents rules so i can get on and check emails and update my blog. anyhoo, but, life's okay.
well, so the funniest and the cutest thing happened today. i was at lunch at school and i stopped on my way into the lunchroom to talk to my friends. and my friend well, let's call him tall guy, i know. not original. but, anyhoo, he yells at me, "you're short." and i go over to him and jokingly say, "yeah you wanna make somethin' of it?" and i get in his face. and he says" it's okay you're short." and he gives me a hug. see, i'm about 5'9" and he's about 5'11" or 6'. so he's only a little taller than me. but, then i go and get my lunch. i come back to my table and set my tray down as i hear someone call my name. i turn around and see tall guy beckoning me. so i go over and see what he wants. he starts to read my shirt and i assume that was what he wanted. but, then he says, "how do i ask this?" and he looks a bit nervous. and so i sit down and wait. he says "fuck, how do i say this?" he turns to his friend and says this same phrase about 3-4 times more. then i finally say, "just ask it." cuz i'm thinking that he just wants me to talk to another girl he likes and tell her that he likes her. but, then he says, "do you like me?" and i was torn between cracking up laughing and bein flattered. cuz it was so unexpected and yet happy. so i tell him yeah, he' s a cool guy to hang out with. and i say, do you like me? and he said kind of bashfully,"yeah" and it was cute and funny cuz he was so nervous to ask me. how cute. hee hee. anyhoo, that's life.
average jane signing off! (smile, it's 60 degree weather where i'm at. a real heatwave! LOL)
well, so the funniest and the cutest thing happened today. i was at lunch at school and i stopped on my way into the lunchroom to talk to my friends. and my friend well, let's call him tall guy, i know. not original. but, anyhoo, he yells at me, "you're short." and i go over to him and jokingly say, "yeah you wanna make somethin' of it?" and i get in his face. and he says" it's okay you're short." and he gives me a hug. see, i'm about 5'9" and he's about 5'11" or 6'. so he's only a little taller than me. but, then i go and get my lunch. i come back to my table and set my tray down as i hear someone call my name. i turn around and see tall guy beckoning me. so i go over and see what he wants. he starts to read my shirt and i assume that was what he wanted. but, then he says, "how do i ask this?" and he looks a bit nervous. and so i sit down and wait. he says "fuck, how do i say this?" he turns to his friend and says this same phrase about 3-4 times more. then i finally say, "just ask it." cuz i'm thinking that he just wants me to talk to another girl he likes and tell her that he likes her. but, then he says, "do you like me?" and i was torn between cracking up laughing and bein flattered. cuz it was so unexpected and yet happy. so i tell him yeah, he' s a cool guy to hang out with. and i say, do you like me? and he said kind of bashfully,"yeah" and it was cute and funny cuz he was so nervous to ask me. how cute. hee hee. anyhoo, that's life.
average jane signing off! (smile, it's 60 degree weather where i'm at. a real heatwave! LOL)
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