Hey ... so i know my last post forever ago said i would be blogging more on my other blog. but that is more still jay's blog. so i needed a place to just write. lol if i had had my journal here, i would probably have written there.
but, so i'm at work and i really should be working. but i really feel like shit today. and its not just today. it's like a pattern over the last few months. i know its normal to have down days, but some days its just ridiculous. like today, i feel on the verge of tears. and the morning started out really good. i'm not sure what is wrong with me. i ache all over. and every so often, i get this pain in my chest that lasts most of the day. then it will go away and i forget about it til the next time it happens. i swear my body hates me. anyhoo... enough about that.
i just wish somedays that i could turn back time a bit. everything was so simple when i was younger. not so many cares in the world. and of course money seemed to be a bit more abundant :) but it just seems that everything is moving so fast and that if i don't make the right choice i'll screw up everything. and some days i wonder if some of my choices in the past are starting to affect my life now. i mean i expected them to affect it, just in a better way. it's so confusing. and frustrating. i'm down so much and tired. i was physically sick with a cold or something last week, but this all seems so much different. I wish i could just wake up one day and have it all gone. unfortunately it doesn't work that way.
then there is the whole religion issue. i've officially declared myself as agnostic atheist on my facebook page. but it's just so hard to let go of religious issues and traditions that i've been indoctrinated with for years now. i mean, i just find it so hard to tell my parents how i really feel. like they keep trying to ask me how church was each sunday that i happen to visit. and my dad slipped in that i should go to the temple too sometime (he was going that day, a tuesday night or something). but it's just hard. i hoped it would be easier.
and its just been a tough couple of weeks. work is difficult sometimes. that's not to say that the work i have to do is hard. its actually really easy. its just the work relationships can be awful. i've not seen this much drama since i was in high school. my supervisor sometimes acts like she is a kid, despite being a good 10 or so years older than me, and takes her frustration out on us lowly assistants. i only get through some of those days because of the other assistant here in the office. she is older than me by like 10 years or so. but she still understands how it all is here, cuz she has only been here a year longer than me. our supervisor really can be rude. and its way too damn frustrating. oh and the great thing, her supervisor is her father. it's ridiculous. i can't stand him much either. he lets things slide and then blames us for some of his problems. like we had a workshop that we sent materials out for. some of the handbooks were older than the newer ones by two weeks and he got mad that we had sent that version out when he hadn't bothered to notify us that there was a newer version. God! he is annoying!!! anyhoo....thats my work vent. i really do love the other gal i work with. she is a sweetheart.
anyhoo, i think i've wasted enough space here. it feels good to be able to vent here..
until next time...
averagejane signing off
PS. Song of the day is "Stuttering" by Fefe Dobson. reflects my mood, while not necessarily the sentiment or feeling
