ho hum! HEE HEE!

hey, it's me again. well, i just had an enlightening experience reading army guy's blog. i hadn't read it in a while, and he had a few new posts. so i checked them out. and it kind of gave me the chills to hear that i was the one he trusted most with his personal stuff. like he had told me the most personal stuff. and it was nice to know he trusted me so much.

anyhoo, so enough of sad. i kinda started getting myself down in the dumps again. but, i just have to say, i'm glad i have this to come to everyday. i honestly have so much fun postin all of this then hearing back from paleo. he's funny. and he makes me laugh. especially when he does that whole cousin elizabeth thing. hee hee. well, i just have to say it makes my day to hear from him. well, unfortunately, i have to go to work. bu,t it shouldnt be all too bad. at least i can think of the crazy and funny and sweeet things paleo said and smile. oh and also smile cuz i dont have to work on sunday!!

hey this is average jane signing off! (smile because of great friends!)

happy turkey day!!!

hey, so happy turkey day everyone. i can't believe it's already thanksgiving. that means that christmas is in month from tomorrow. wow. how crazy is that. but, yeah so i just got finished watching the macy's thanksgiving day parade. i taped part of it cuz i couldn't watch it earlier. it was really cool cuz RBD, a latin group, performed, along with jonas brothers, josh kelly and chris brown and ciarra performed. really amzing. i love to hear them sing and it was cool to see them live, sort of. but, then there were really cool floats and balloons. i liked the balloon of scooby doo. really cool. oh and then ther was this float with "barbie" on it. i loved the song she danced to. it's called shine.

but, yeah so for thanksgiving i'm gonna be eating with my mom's family. and unfortunately, my grandpa just remarried about a month ago. and so my grandpa's new wife will be at the dinner thingy. and i really dont like her. sometimes it seems too much that she's trying to take over my grandma's place. my grandma's only been dead two years on nov. 21st. and it seems way too soon for my grandpa to remarry. most of the family are still upset about it. and she had the gall to send some letter or sumthin and sign it mom and dad. she'll never be "mom". really dumb. and then she had to send us a card for thanksgiving and her return address sticker said Mrs. William W. Thorup. really made me mad. i know she's married to my grandpa, but, she doesn't have to flaunt it. anyhoo, that's my mad spree for the day. it'll all be okay.

so i decided to take the advice of a good friend of mine. he said that it's amzing how music affects your mood. he said a sad song may come on and you'll listen for a bit. but he changes to a happy song. and so he unknowingly gave me good advice. so i've been trying all today to listen to happy music. if a sad song comes on, or a mad one, i'll listen for a sec if i like the song. but then i quickly change to a happier song. so far it has kept me in a better mood. so i'm gonna keep up with that. anyhoo.

well, i gotta go check on other stuff.

average jane signing off! (have fun stuffing your faces, but remember to be grateful for all you have! afterall, that's what this day is all about! oh ps. i'm gratefull for all my friends. stephie, nathan, spencer, dave, lydia, cami, noely, hilarie, jason c., jason b., tiffany, and all the others i can't think of right now! thanx so much guys!)

thoughts to keep me awake

well, last night i lay in bed thinking. i was trying to get to sleep and i couldn't because my mind wouldn't let me rest. i kept thinking about my life and how so much has changed, especially in the past few months. and i think i still very much like a great guy who my chance has come and gone with. yet i dont' know for sure where my feelings stand. i don't know. and i can't act on it because it is way too complicated. and thoughts of that kept me up for a while. but, it basically was pointless to even think about it because i can't do anything about it. yet, my mind somehow didn't catch on to it.

anyhoo. well, i'm home sick again. and i'm watching mobsters and mormons. a really funny show. i really can't believe i've never seen it before. but, so i wish that i was at school still, instead of bored out of my mind at home. and you know this horrible part in the movie just happened. the mobster family got into their car and then their car blew up. just blew up. it wasn't fair. they were coming around to be okay. and then they jsut got blown up. i know it's still a movie. but, then this kind of stuff happens in real life. like the columbine high school shooting. nothing happens the way it should. innocent people are killed just because they believe in god. and it's not fair. my mom's always telling me life isn't fair and to just get over it. but, still it makes me stop and just stand still in horror at the crazy things. and sometimes i wonder if i believed in god if i would stand up for it if someone asked me at gunpoint if i believed in god. and you know. i wish i really did know. but, that's how it all goes.

anyhoo, once again i want to thank my friends for all they do for me. all the love, friendship and encouragement they have given me.

paleo, thanx for your friendship and concern. you really have become one of my closest friends even though i've never met you face to face, though someday i hope to.

slypig. hey i've known you since we were sophomores. crazy aint' it. well, your friendship and encouragement to be myself means a lot to me. i know we'll be friends forever.

army guy, it's been great having you as a friend.you are truly a gentleman and the kindest guy i know, along with paleo. (and paleo and army guy, no denying my compliments. :D ) you are one of my greatest friends and i hope we stay in touch.

and freak, i love ya. you are so funny and you let me jsut be my crazy self.

thanx again everyone. you are all amzing.

ps. oh the mobster family didnt really blow up. thank goodness.

and right now i'll finish off my stay at home watching hogan's heroes. i need a good laugh. well, later

average jane signing off.

birthday thanx!

so here i am. i'm back after being gone for a long time. and yesterday was my 18th birthday. overally it was great. i had tonz of birthday wishes from my special friend dr. paleo. it wa great. really made my day. another thing that made my day was the fact that my good friend army man, came by and dropped off a gift for my birthday. he gave me the fourth season of Hogan's Heroes. me and him had talked about how i could never find the fourth season. and he found it and gave it to me for my birthday. that really made me smile.. and then slypig sent me an email for my birthday and it was so great and made me smile. i really have the greatest friends. and i'm so glad i've met them all. if it hadn't been for slypig, i doubt i would ever have met army guy or paleo. so thanx sent to slypig for everything. he's my greatest friend.

but, today i am unfortunately home sick. i woke up this morning and my head was pounding and i felt like i'd only got about 2 hrs of sleep. i didn't sleep well at all last night. so i told my parents i should stay home and they let me. so yeah. but, well, i'm watching hogan's heroes as i type this. i really love this show. it was really great. really hilarious. cuz colonel klink just ran his car into his apartment cuz the prisoners didn't put the brake cables back in! hee hee! thanx again army guy. but, so i finally set up my own bank account yesterday and i will have my own checks and my own debit card and everything within the next two weeks. it's great.

oh yesterday night i went and saw superman returns with slypig and a few other friends. it was a good movie, but the best of it was just being with my friends. it was good to know that i had such great friends to want to share my birthday with me. and slypig was a gentleman and got popcorn! really nice. but so my birthday was great thanx to all my great friends. thanx all of you! *big hug sent to you all*


oh this is an add on from my original post. so for those of you who have been reading my previous posts about tall guy, well things have turned around a bit. i talked to him and he apologized for all that he said and said that he hadn't meant to hurt me. he said that sometimes he says stupid shit to fit in with people. and he was sincere. so i forgave him and right now we stand as just friends. he still has his stupid girlfriend. but, that's how life goes. and thank goodness i got everything settled with tall guy. even though i was terribly hurty by what he said, he didn't really mean it. but, so i don't set myself up to be hurt again, i won't let myself be more than a friend with tall guy. so yeah, that's how life is.

average jane signing off.

my musings

so i'm sitting at home and listening to sad music, which brought on my mood. i am hurting emotionally right now.and there's really no good reason for it, compared to the shit some of my friends have seen or been through. but, i was just sitting here and thinking of all the hurt i've caused and all that has been inflicted on me. i think of how hurt i was when tallguy was so insensitive. i really was hurt. but, i'm strong. i dont' let my weaknesses show. tha's just life. and it goes on. and i thought of how i hurt army guyand i cried. life sucks
avearage jane later.

disappointed in men

so yeah, looks like once again, what i think is great turns out to be a load of shit. well, so from my previous posts you can understand that i think tall guy likes me. well, turns out maybe not like i thought so.

so i come from a mormon family. and every wednesday night, there is an activity for all the guys and girls between the ages of 12-18. well, last night, my activity was earlier than everyone else's, so after our opening part of the night, i didn't have to stay. but, i ended up hanging around the church. and so tall guy it appears still has a girlfriend. he tells me he likes me, but he has a girlfriend. anyone else find something wrong with this picture? anyways, but, so his brothers tell me he's off in one of the classrooms with his girlfriend. and so they go barge in on them and scare them. but, they're in one of the classrooms with the lights off. soon all of us are in there just talking. tall guy's girlfriend leaves for a minute and i get the chance to talk to him. and i ask him why he bothered to see if i liked him when he already has a girlfriend. and he basically said that in case he and his girlfriend break up, he wants a backup. he seriously told me i was just backup. yeah. talk about a slap in the face. and then he is sitting with his girlfriend and signs to me that he loves her. (oh side note about his girlfriend, she's bi. and i dont' have anything against gay or whatever ppl. i just thought it might bug him to be going out with girl that also goes with girls.) anyways, and then i'm just plain pissed off at him. and he tells me, in answer to my question of why he's going out with her, that i don't understand that guys have certain needs, meaning physical stuff. and i thought that was bullshit. but, then to make matters worse, i go and talk to him again completely alone. and i tell him that i do like him. but, i'm not gonna wait around and just hope he and his girlfriend break up. and so i just sit there and sort of talk to him and i'm really pissed and hurt and sad and angry, and almost any other emotion you can think of. and he could sense this. so he comes over to me. (we were in another classroom with the lights off.) and he said to me "what's wrong? you can tell me." and i just sit there. so he comes over and puts his arms around me and gives me a hug. then he rubs my back and tells me it's okay. and it felt nice. i'll admit it. so i told him how i felt about the whole situation. how i was angry, sad, jealous and frustrated. and he was nice about it. we were getting to really seriously discussing it when his girlfriend walked in. we immediately stopped talking and she was like, ' do i need to leave?" and we said that it was up to her. and i think she could sense something. but, she left us alone. soon after that, i had to go home, but, things were left unfinished between us.

but, this whole thing has me in a really depressed sort of mood. and i stillfeel every emotion possible. and that in itself is frustrating cuz i don't know how i completely feel about it. but, i guess life goes on. and for now, me and tall guy will be just friends. and if the time comes and he and his girlfriend break up, and i'm single, i may or may not give him a chance. we'll see how life is when i get there.

average jane signing off.

funny times

so yeah. tall guy approached my sister after school today. and i heard about it from her at home. she came up to me and said, "so i had someone ask me for a favor today." and i asked her, "oh, what?" she said," tall guy called my name and told me to stop and asked me something." and she went on to say, " tall guy asked me to talk to you and see how you felt about him." and i just burst out laughing. it was really funny. cuz tall guy just asked me yesterday himself. and it was really funny. he must actually like me. it's kind of cool. and it's kind of cute, for him to go to all the trouble of finding out how i feel about him.

anyhoo, so life's okay. and i am okay. i'm really excited about what may develop with tall guy. anyhoo, yeah whatev.

average jane signing off! (smile!)