musings of the heart

so here i am, an average jane, heading off to her summer job. i work at a college bookstore. my mom is my boss unfortunately cuz i had issues finding a job elsewhere that i would be okay working. and now i've learned to not be so picky. honestly it's just so hard to find a job at my age. they want 18 or older, a high school diploma, work experience, just to get a decent job. and unfortunately i am a couple months shy of being 18 and i'm a year shy of a diploma and of course i dont' have too much work experience, having only been in the work force for about 2 yrs. almost. it's frustratin. and i wish this guy knew i liked him. it seems even the amzing guys can be incredibly dense. it makes me so mad sometimes. but, yeah, i'll just call him my army man. to preserve anonymity. but, he's so amzing he doesn't even realize it. the more i get to know him, i just want to be with him even more, hoping maybe some of his strength and character might rub off on me. but, isn't it true that what you read about in books never comes true. i want that happy ending though. i want it so much. but, it's just so far out of reach that it hurts. i guess you could just call me a helpless romantic. for deep down i know happy endings with guys just don't exist. i try to have this attitude that no guy's worth crying over. yet i can't convince my heart it's true. my head likes logic so we're on the same wavelength. damn heart has to be so stubborn. sometimes it would be so much simpler of a world if i didn't have my heart to cloud my thougts. if i didn't have these crazy feelings toward guys, then it wouldn't hurt so much when i hear the just friends line. of course maybe i'm the idiot who asks them if they like me as more than friends. ignorance truly is bliss. that old cliche is too true. but, work calls. this is average jane signing off for now.