Thursday, September 21, 2006
what next
now here's the hard part. i have to go to school and see him for the first time since i broke up. but, the hard part is not feeling so sad that i hurt him. i don't want it to hurt, but, it does. i've done something i can't take back. no matter how i wish i could. cuz i know it would'nt be right. i can't just let it go on with me always doubting whether i'm doin the right thing. but, the hard thing too is that i think i've hurt him the deepest he's been hurt in a while. and it hurts knowing that. i wish there was an easier way to do this. but, there's not. however, they say that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. or as he would say, what doesn't kill you only prolongs the inevitable. yeah. it's so hard, but, i know i did the right thing for me, for both of us, though right now it may seem so wrong. i just wish i had paid more attention to my past experiences, cuz it seems that whenever i get serious with a guy, i freak out and just have to break it off. and if i'd paid more attention to the past, i wouldn't have hurt him so much. well, i gotta go. to school unfortunately. hope it all goes okay and things don't get worse. average, messed-up jane signing off.
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21 comments:
Jane...I don't want to intrude but you did post this....so I'll go ahead.
What happened? Was it just a few blog entries ago that you were having the greatest times together? I can understand that your feelings were strange (that happens), but I'm confused here. This is depressing. I'm sorry to say it, and I know you have enough on your mind right now, but this makes me really sad. Is there anything I can do for you or Dave?
well, i really don't know too well what happened. and it happened to me. but, it just seems every time i begin to get serious, to the point of holding hands and such, i freak out. i begin to really doubt, do i want this. and it's hard but, i can't understand why it happens. but, i can't go on that way in any relationship. it hurts me and the person who has to deal with me. and i couldn't just let it go on with me always having these doubts in the front of my mind causing me inner turmoil. it really sucks. but, maybe i'm just not meant to be with anyone, even dave, right now. maybe i'm just dumb. i don't know. but, life goes on.
You're not dumb. (Disregard my saying I wasn't sure of what happened--thanks for the explanation.) Just know that, whateer happens, it will be used for God's will and to what he sees as good. Whatever he sees fit is what is good. He doesn't want sadness or bad things to happen or anything, but even though Satan causes them, God turns them around and uses them for good. (Think of Joseph in the Bible--I can give you a full explanation if you would like one. In fact, that's sort of how I met Nathan.)
Don't worry, I've been hurt worse. Once or twice, at least. I will go on being a soldier. That's all i really have been or ever will be, a soldier. One who is strong and fearless.
yeah, i hope life gets better for you dave. i'm still sorry.
I wish I could help you both....
I know I've said it before, but I'm gonna say it again: if there's anything either of you need, just ask....
thanx
Basically, we were both on a Lego forum, and he was really nice to me. And now look at us looney Lego people! :-D It's so fun to have someone else who gets that side of me....
hey outta curiousity, who are you Laetificus Letificus? i've seen you posting and such but, i still don't know who you are. silly me! and spencer it is totally cool that you found someone who likes lego tonz!
Yup!
And laetificus is none other than Sara Franco!!! (Um...do you mind your last name being posted here? You've done it other places....)
I know because she once asked me if I knew what that meant since I've studied Latin.
And that's her name on her blog!
awww. silly me! welcome sara! but, it's kind of funny that i now have other members of slypiggery posting on my blog! hee hee.
You mean besides the dorky science nerd who has no life? ;-) Ha ha!
hey! don't cut down on yourself! i totally appreciate your comments. my blog would be blah without them. but, i jsut said that it's nice to hear from others! you are awsome spencer!
Aw, thank you! You are too sweet!
my family would disagree with that statement! :D
Well, if I may say so, if you treat them the very same way you treat me, then they are wrong. But it is none of my business, so I won't try to barge in on something I know nothing about.
well, sometimes i treat them as nice as you. but, ya know i have to live with them, so yeah things can get heated and we argue sometimes. especially me and my lil sis! :)
Oh, I'm sorry. It's not always easy. You just have to try to do what is right. (I said try--we, and I include myself in this, fail all too often, don't we!!!)
yeah it's hard sometimes. but, more often than not, i get along with my sister. it's getting along with my parents, my mom especially, that's the problem.
Trust in the Lord, Amy!!!!!
I know sometimes things are hard...but if there's anything I can do to help, let me know, okay?
yeah right. thanx though. you are one of two guys i can really trust right now. nathan is the other.
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