yeah so i know that i said that i wanted to give religion a try. but, you know what. i can't do it. i really tried. but, there's just something in me that can't do it. i like the way my life is and i don't want to change it. i know that i'm happy with my life and i really don't like change. i know that people have always said that religion brings happiness into your life. but, i don't know. i didn't even feel like it was improving my life. i felt as if i was trying so hard to be something i wasn't . like i was trying so hard to be someone other than myself. it wasn't me. i know it sounds extreme and everything. but, i felt as if i was losing a part of me. the person i had created; that i had found. and i know it probably makes no sense to all my friends. but, it's sometimes how life goes.
and for the most random unexplainable reason, i came to tears last night. i don't know why i did. i was talking to my sister and everything jsut overwhelmed me. i was mad once again about tour, and life jsut for no reason sucked. and i began to get tears in my eyes so i told my sister that iwas about to cry so i was gonna go to my room. and then i got my journal out and sat on my bed. i put the rascal flatts CD, me and my gang, in my discman.i listened to the song entitled what hurts the most. and i just cried. now i don't let myself cry normally. cuz i hate it, cuz it means i have a weakness. but, i'm admitting it now. i cried for myself, i cried for how i had to hurt a friend. and it really helped. but, last night i just felt so alone and so sad. but, yeah life goes on i guess. it's just that there's times when i wonder. about everything. but, i'm okay.
average jane signing off. (hey, life is okay.)
12 comments:
I know that you didn't mean to hurt "your friend", Jane.
And let me tell you this: crying shows emotion and, in my opinion, is GOOD and not indicative of weakness.
And I know it's hard to change one's style of living. BOY is it hard. But it isn't about "liking" your life "now". Of course you like it. You don't change because you are having a bad time now, you change because you feel it is right.
And your choice is THE most important one you can EVER make. If you wish it, you can ask ANY question you wish. Just don't delay, Amy. You could die in three seconds. Playing around with your eternal soul is not a game you can win. Jesus loves you and wants you to live for him and spend the rest of eternity with him in Heaven.
Your concerned friend,
Spencer
thanx, but, you know. i just felt i was losing me, the person i know. and it was scary. i don't think i need religion now. i'll see later on in life if i feel differently. thanx though for caring so much.
Well, that's your choice. That's why you're here--to make that choice.
Just don't make it too late.
And I need no thanks. I'm only doing my job, Jane.
Prayers,
Spencer
yeah thanx bunches! you are just great at being there for me, emotionally, since you can't be here physically. but, someday we'll see how i feel.
Okay. I'll wait then I guess.
And thank you for the kind words...thank you very much!
yeah anytime. but, yeah wait patiently. i promise i'll come back safely just for you. i'd really hate to have you worry. :)
Well...have you come back yet? It's Saturday....
i haven't even left yet! hee hee! don't worry. we're not even meeting up until 7:30 or sumthin. but, stephie is coming with me, so she can post or sumthin when we get back and tell you i'm okay!
that made me laugh to read your comment!
Okay...well...you're probably there right now...it's like, 8:30 back there I think...so take care of yourself and Stephanie!
Prayers,
Spencer
im back safe and relatively unscathed. so you needn't worry so much. life's okay and life goes on. :0
RELATIVELY??????? Amy, are you trying to worry me here?
Shame on you! SHAME!
*Amy giggles in the background*
;-D
relatively unscathed refering to the fact of my grounding. but, i'm okay. thanx!
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