hey, so i was jsut sitting on my bed and looking at my toenails today. cuz for my birthday, i painted them all a different color. pretty interesting result. so i painted them purple, red, yellow, green,blue, and a sort of white/purple. they are pretty amzing if i do say so myself. hee hee! :D
but, then last night i had this dream. i was with tall guy and he was holding my hand and it was like we were going out. and it was him reaching to take my hand and we were jsut walking and he put his arm around me and it just felt amzing. and i know i shouldn't be thinking about this. cuz tall guy was a jerk and i'm not gonna set myself up to be hurt again. but, dreams i seriously have no control over. and that sucks. well, sometimes they are good dreams
so yeah i'm totally still VL. for those of you who dont' know what that means, oh well, ask someone who knows, because i'm not gonna take the time to explain. but, so on the day i turned 18, i totally thought about that. and i thought, yeah, sweet 18. and i wonder. is that a good or bad thing. i guess it is good. because a kiss is something special. you shouldnt go around jsut kissing anyone. same as sex. i honestly think that premarital sex is so wrong. if you love someone enough to have sex, then you would love them enough to marry them right? honestly. and maybe the same could be said to apply with kisses. i don't know. i guess as the years go on i'll figure that out. my random thought of the day.
and so, today is sunday. another day of church come and gone. and every time i'm in church i wonder. i wonder, is there really a god? and what is the right gospel? what really is true? i know even as i write this that i will soon hear from my good friend spencer. and he'll tell me what he believes. and i guess i do believe there is a god. i mean how could the whole of everything come to pass. how else could it all happen. honestly. but, i don't know where religion is in my life. where it goes. i've tried sometimes to try and integrate it into my life. but, it somehow just doesn't seem to fit. maybe it's just that i dont' deal well with change. after all i've kind of pushed religion aside since 9th grade of 10th grade. and so i've kind of gotten used to my life. but, i dunno. i kind of want religion. to and extent. but, i'm still so confused. anyhoo, just my constant state of mind.
but, yeah thanx to my friends. i have the greatest bunch. you all know who you are.
and right now i'm watching the polar express. good show. and i gues i've blabbered long enough.
average jane signing off.
15 comments:
Well, it looks like I must rise to the challenge here!
About your belief in God. It seems to me that you believe in God, yet keep on getting stopped because of your former experiences with religion. Your rejection of all religion seems to stem from these. And let me say that I think it's horrible when things are shoved down one's throat. I don't know the details, so won't try to get into them here, as they are none of my business. But let me tell you this. I think that the time comes when you must put that aside. You can't let your anger rule you forever. You may be made better for the experience, and you will know not to do it to others, but you must go forward. Now trust me, this is a topic where I speak from experience here.
So, obviously, I don't need to tell you about the existence of God. You seem to already know he exists, inside at least.
As to the true Gospel. This is where it gets a little more complicated. I know that the Bible is true, and is the Holy Word of God, and of Jesus. The Bible is completely true, is entirely factual, and tell us everything we need to know to become saved and live our lives for God. EVERYTHING.
And now we come to a difficult part. What about Mormonism? What about John Smith, and the Book of Mormon?
Well, why don't we let the Bible speak for itself?
"But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed."
Galatians 1:8
When you see a religious group claiming to hold the Bible in high regard, yet teaching from a "new" book, a "better" revelation, with which you must interpret the lesser and lower Bible, you know that you are dealing with a false religion. You know you are dealing with a cult.
Amy, Mormonism, is false. It leads to death of the spiritual kind, to Hell, and is of Satan, not of God.
So where does that leave you? In need of a religion, a God, in need of something to live for. In need of redemption, and of salvation. The answer? Jesus Christ. The Bible. His Blood, which can wash away all of your sins, no matter how dark or black they may seem to us mortal men.
Amy you don't need to fear death. You don't need to wonder where you will go at your death, or what is true and just. Of course, the life of a Christian always involves growing, and that means that there are times when you sin, and struggle with things, trying to figure out what is right, and what is wrong.
Of course religion doesn't fit in your life. You know that is how it SHOULD look? Now this may sound blunt and offensive, but you know my intentions, so I'll plunge ahead. If you aren't living for God now, why should the life of one who is look like it? It shouldn't.
The life of a new believer is always radically changed, forever, and for the better. It can and does bring real joy, a belief in God. It gives me drive, something to live for, to love, and something to die for. A compass, to guide my very soul, and my wanderings.
Don't worry. God can show you how to intergrate his truth into your life. I won't lie to you. It won't be easy. You'll have many troubles along the way. But, the greatest part about it is, that you always know that you are serving him, and the if he's on your side, who can be against you? Satan the strong is a feeble coward compared unto the shining glory Christ. Yes, God can show you the way. If you will only let him. He'd love to.
Amy, did you know that you show all the signs of someone who's heart is being tugged on by the Holy Spirit? Amy, did you know that if you reject Him too long, push Him away too many times, that it will become literally impossible for you to ever convert? You will be too hardened. You may even want to change. But you won't be able to. Amy, don't wait. Don't spoil your only chance in this world, in this existence . Amy, don't do this. Jesus loves you, this you know, for the Bible tells you so. Why not accept him?
I've heard this described before as man struggling to fit anything and everything, be it the worship of animals, of idols, or the drowning of one's sorrows through liquor, or any sort of thing like this, into the God-shaped hole in his heart, than only He can fit in. You know those toddler's games, where the square can't fit in the circle, and the circle can't fit in the triangle? Yeah, it's like that.
And as to your comments about premarital sex (I can't believe I just typed that, lol!), you get enormous kudos and endless compliments from me. You know, I could use you at work.... ;-P I also think the same about kissing. It's the same principle, although probably not as bad if it is done before marriage. You know my reasons for thinking this. You read the thing I posted recently. Why don't you read what I posted just now?
And one more thing. If God does not exist, and the Bible is not true, how can sex before marriage be wrong? Why? What makes it wrong? How could it be, if there is no moral law, no guiding light in this world? Tell me how, Amy.
You don't need to wait for the years to go on to find the answer to all this, for the answer to life's greatest question. The answer? To why we are here? In short, we are here to make a choice. I know that answer. Not because I'm this smart guy, this knowledgeable sage. It was shown unto me.
Do you know the answer?
Oh and btw, nice toenails....I think...:-D And those kind of dreams are quuuiiitte nice, are they not?
I'm sorry this has gotten so long...I'll be seeing you later, Amy!
In the utmost love of God,
Spencer
BTW, I just saw the length of that. OOPS! Sorry...but, please, read it. For me. For your friend.
Even if you don't know how you feel about things, Amy, everyone around you does. I can see from your actions and your face that you do believe in God, and are doing your best. It's in your eyes (yes, that is cliche, but get over it!)
Anyway, I love you no matter what you believe, say, and do. You're one of my bestest buds in the universe, and you will never lose your place in my heart, even if we do drift apart after high school. You can talk to me anytime!
Same here, Amy, you sweet girl. ;-D
thanx spencer and i did actually read all of that. and to be honest a lot of it made sense. and i know it won't be easy if i do try to figure out where god lies in my life.
but, you said you speak from personal experience. what exactly do you mean by that?
and thanx both of you for your comments. freakazoid, i do hope we remain friends for a long time.
and oh yeah spencer, i can't believe you type premarital sex either! lol. but, yeah i was just stating how i feel on that subject and i did read your blog on the sacredness of kisses and it was pretty cool. anyhoo, hugs to both of you :D
Oh, that? It's sort of private, but it's just that I know that when things are shoved and pushed on you unwillingly, you begin to hate it even more than ever before, just for the sake that it is being shoved down your throat, not so much because of anything on it's part.
And thank you for reading that. Thank you. I worked hard on it. I was almost finished twice, and both of them got accidentally deleted...needless to say that took a while.
And you're right. It won't be easy. It's gonna be the hardest decision in your entire life, and I mean that, Amy.
But I want you to know something. If you EVER need to talk, at ANY time, no matter WHAT, I'll be there for you. If I'm there to check my mail, I'll do everything within my power for you. You need to talk privately? Get my email from Dave or Nathan, now if you like for future reference, and you contact me. I'll be there for you.
I look forward to the day when angels just might rejoice, if you make that one choice.
Just don't wait too long to make it.
Oh, almost forgot, here's how I feel about death (courtesy of wikiquote):
"Captain, my religious belief teaches me to feel as safe in battle as in bed. God has fixed the time for my death. I do not concern myself about that, but to be always ready, no matter when it may overtake me. That is the way all men should live, and then all would be equally brave. "
Lt. General Thomas Jackson speaking to then Captain John D. Imboden
Oh, sorry for the new post, but I should have said....
That's what frees a man. (Besides Jesus, of course, but I mean in that regard. It lets him act without fear of his own safety. I actually fear for family, and others, not my own life too much...strange, but it kinda happens that way. But of course I'm not trying to make myself look good or anything like that....)
Um...where are you? Are you okay, Jane? I know you were at least on earlier today, so that keeps me from worrying too much....
i'm here and i'm fine. i just didn't have the opportunity to get on the net much yesterday. i had to work. but, thanx for all you said. and i really especially like that quote. about that guy being prepared for death.
but, with the quote from galatians, does it not also say in ezekiel, can't remember the chapter and verse, that there will be two sticks (referring to books)? like the stick of judah and the stick of joseph. (oh btw, it's joseph smith, not john smith.)
Correct. Judah, being the record of the Jews, and Joseph, being the record of the Nephites and Lamanites, who were descendants of Joseph of Egypt. Or in other words, the Bible and the Book of Mormon.
Ooh! Ouch...I know it's Joseph...I didn't mean that...so sorry!
About Ezekiel 37:15. The "Joseph" is clearly the Joseph of Genesis (you know, the one who had all the spiteful brothers and the bright coat), as it mentions Ephraim, his son. Some interpret this "two sticks" prophecy to refer to the future reuniting of Israel.
I see nothing about any Smith in here, just the Joseph we have always known.
I'll see you soon, okay Amy?
Oh wait...did you not mean that it was Joseph Smith, and you meant the descendants of Joseph of Egypt?
So sorry for the mix-up!
it's all good. but, yeah, thanx for the help nathan. tha's exactly what i meant. and thanx guys for all that. gives me some stuff to think about.
As indeed you must.
I'm here if you need anything, as always.
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