so yesterday was actually not too bad. i got out of my house and the whole depressing-ness of it all. i was with my best friend and we watched an oober scary movie. well it was to me! we watched sixth sense simply cuz i had never seen it before. and it's kind of a classic movie everyone needs to see. cuz it has that classic line, "i see dead people." it was nice to get that into context.
but, then i came home and my mom was mad at me for being "late" and then she and my sister were arguing over something really stupid and i was so tempted to just walk right back out that door i had just come in. but, i didn't i just sat down and ate my dinner really fast. then i went and hibernated in my room again. and i once again began to be depressed. it's my house and my family that does it to me. i feel so locked up sometimes in what i do and it really sux. i have to be really sneaky to be able to get on everyday and post all of this. but, i know i would go more crazy if i wasnt' able to do this. and as i sat on my bed last night i was counting down the minutes and hours until i could go to sleep without drawing unwanted attention from my family. and once again i sat wondering what would happen if i took more ibuprofen to get rid of the headache my family was causing. i wondered. what if i took 8 instead of just 6? 1600 mg. a lot of ibuprofen. and by bedtime, i had almost talked myself out of it. but, then i had to spend 10 minutes with my family for our daily family scripture study and shit. yah drove me crazy all over again. and i took the 8 ibuprofen. didn't do a thing. except probably make it harder for me to sleep. i didn't sleep very well. but, last night i figured something out. i like dream world very much. i like it because most of the time i know it's not real. so i don't have to be disappointed when it doesn't all work out just right. but, life, yeah it's way too real. and ppl always tell me that nothings gonna change unless i change it. but, ya know. i've tried. and right now, there is nothing that i can change. even though i'm 18, i can't do anything because i still live in my parents house and i'm still in high school which really sux. that's why dream world is great. i know that nothing in it is real, so i don't build myself up for disappointment. and you know. life just sux sometimes. an i have to try to move on. have to try. don't always succeed. but, you know. i'll be okay.
average jane signing off. (i'm still here....)
8 comments:
Please promise me that you won't ever take that many ibuprofen again! The thought of you taking too many really scares me.
Now, Amy, we talked about this today. Too much ibuprofen is gonna damage your kidneys. ;-)
But seriously, dream world is my favorite place to be. I don't visit it as much as I used to, which makes me sad. Except for me, I'm always disappointed when I wake up because my dream reality is always so amazing. Hmm.... I sense a blog post coming on!
Anyway, if you need anything, you can always talk to me. Today was good for both of us; thank you. :-D
My "dream" world is rarely visited by me. What I think about most of the time is far from dreamy.
Dream world rocks. Except sometimes I have yucky dreams. stupid nightmares..
I'm not going to say anything about the ibuprofen.. cuz we've hashed that out in person. Just know I'm always here for you ok? I'm only a phone call, or e-mail away.
I oober love youuuuuuuuuu!
Be safe!
thanx! guys, i love you all. even when you piss me off sometimes spencer. but, yeah nathan and steph we did talk about it. and don't worry. i've learned it really doesn't help. i couldn't fall asleep.
but, i'm in a happy mood!! :D so i love you all. and thanx nathan for calling last night. that really got my night off to a better start. thanx so much. you probably have no idea how i was kinda down and i needed that. :D i'm gonna give you a huge hug tonight! you too steph!
I p*** you off?
What on earth have I done wrong? PLEASE tell me, privately if you like. You know where to reach me. I didn't know I bothered you at all. I'm so very, very sorry.
everyone pisses me off at one time or another. so really spencer it's okay! :D
Maybe it is, but I don't really feel that way right now.
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