an emotional breakdown

well, so i had to work last night and so it was alright at first. but, then i had one customer come up and i got into a real conversation. i mentioned that she had a lot of stuff. and she said that just as she thought that she was done with her christmas shopping, she found more she had to buy. and i mentioned that i had bought something for a friend of mine. and then i found something else i wanted to get for him. i told her it was something related to the army and such since he was in the army. and she said oh well that might be good if he's overseas. i told her that he wasn't overseas but that he has a choice to be deployed overseas and that he is only 17. and she said that he needs to stay around a while longer. i told her he's already been in combat before. and she turned and looked at me with a mixture of sympathy and compassion on her face and said one simple sentence. she said, tell him thank you. and then she took her purchases and left. at that simple sentence, tears began to fill my eyes and my throat clogged up with emotion. my next customer came up and as i told him his total, i could hear in my voice that i was still very emotional. and the guy said two words. i'm sorry. it was simple but heartfelt and just that threatened to make me break down completely. somehow i managed to pull myself together and make it through the rest of the night.

then today, i had a 6:30 am rehearsal for choir. it was simply the last straw in my week. i was pissed off. i was tired, stressed with school. and worried about a dear friend of mine. i still am. i'm worried abou a big deciesion he has to make. and i wish i knew what he was gonna decide. because if he decides to take this opportunity, i will be greatly worried for him. more than i already am. but, i guess i'll just have to wait and see.

and so the morning rehearsal was the last straw. after it , i had choir and we were drawing names for secret santa. on the first draw i got someone i knew what to buy. unfortunately we had to draw again. on the 2nd draw, i got someone i had no idea what to get. and i got frustrated and my teacher didn't get frustrated back. i felt that i was gonna lose it so i went to the bathroom to pull myself together. i came back and thought i was okay. but, i walked in the room and my teacher came up to me and asked if everything was okay. i could tell by her face that she was sincere, and i lost it. i began to cry and she just held my hand. she asked what was wrong and said she could tell i was having a bad week. then a friend, jamie came up and gave me a hug and i cried even more. as much as i hate crying in front of ppl, it felt nice to just let it out. and tell someone else of my worries. it really helped. yet throughout the day, i felt the need to just breakdown several times. yet somehow i managed to keep it all together. but, hopefully the night will only get better. oh well.

average jane signing off. (hope your day was better than mine.)