oh i forgot to mention something when i posted a few seconds ago. well, so on thursday the 21st, i got some pretty depressing news. and i guess i took it a bit the wrong way, and i literally broke down again. and then when i saw steph the next day in school and i broke down again in front of her. and she just hugged me and let me cry. it really was nice. and thought since then, i've clarified the news that i received, so it's not so hard or bad.
and last, i spent saturday night with my best friend steph. she came to my family christmas party. i'm glad that she was there. it really made the night lots of fun. and i think she had a good time.
oh and i got gift from steph's friend. a picture he had drawn and he inscribed on the back that he hoped we could become good friends. it was cool cuz he's a funny kid and he makes me laugh.
and i have to admit one last thing. last night i came to the biggest realization about myself and everything else. i found the reason why i'm not ready for a serious relationship. i'm only 18 and i feel as if i still have my whole life and that i'm not mature enough or have experienced enough to make a decision. cuz i know that if i let myself into that serious relationship, it would be more serious than i'm ready for. i know that the guy i care for cares way more about me than i'm ready for now. i care tonz about him and i would literally die if something happened to him. but, i can't commit myself to anything. i honestly feel that i need to date around more, to see if this is truly what i want. i need to experience more of life. i've been locked too much in my life and the way things are, to settle just for something that is an easy way out of my life i have now. i need to find myself first. i need to figure out what is out there in the world for me.
average jane signing off.
4 comments:
I'm glad I was your shoulder to cry on. And I'm really glad it's been clarified and it's not so hard or so bad.
Saturday was awesome. I wouldn't shut up about it yesterday when my grandma asked me why I wasn't at the family Christmas party. How cool it was.
That picture was pretty awesome. I'm going to buy a frame for mine and hang it up. My mom loved it too. And he is an awesome guy.
Love you Amy!
Amy, remind me, how many times have you come to this realization again?
ha ha... sorry.
I'm glad you sound so up. It makes me happy. Merry Be-lated Christmas!
I'm very sorry about whatever the news is. You can talk to me about it, if you like...but it sounds like you've got what you need in that department with Stephanie.
I hope all goes well for you in the world.
yeah freak, i know. and this time for my sanity i really am gonna stick by it. this is a bit of more clarification on my feelings so it's a bit better.
and steph thanx.
spencer. thanx for jsut being there. thanx.
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