drama and more drama

hey yeah i can update stuff, i promise !!! :D i know it's been a little while so i'll just dig in.

well, in the course of the past two or three (or however many it's been) weeks, so much drama has gone on, hence the title. but so i've had a lot of serious talks with my ex-boyfriend, and we sort of decided to try dating again, and then it totally didn't work out on my part. i still freak out over relationships and so i complicated things again. but then we talked about all of this in more depth just the other day. and i felt like i had some things worked out, at least on my end. and i just need to stick to my resolve to just move on. it's hard but i need to do it for my sanity. and i'm not saying that i don't have feelings for him still. i just get kind of stuck in the what ifs of life like what if i dated this other guy? i still feel the need to really experience more of life and such. i dont 'want to feel like i'm just settling. but yeah and i guess i just need to help my ex move on, cuz we both need to. and so yeah. it's kind of complicated.

but then of course this shit on slypiggery had to happen. and lets just say that i won't be on much anytime soon. i may lurk just to see how things are cooling down but i'm not gonna sign on and post. so that's my life.

oh and i give up on guys. it seems the ones i've like lately and wanted to pursue something beyond friendship, dont' really like me. they jsut want to be friends. and then i came to the greatest realization in class today. i don't really need a guy to be okay. i can be okay on my own. and i will be okay. so yeah i really am just gonna commit myself to being on my own and jsut friends with guys. i had strayed from this resolve. but now, i'm okay. sorta. i hope my friends are okay. anyhoo.

average jane signing off! (i'll be okay.)