just silly me

well...here i am again, not like a month since my last post...lol let's just say i got home early and i'm in a blogging mood...but what else is new? lol

tonight has been a total flip of the the other night. i was freaking out and would have been okay if jay had left early and had some time to think to myself...tonight, i didn't want to leave. it's crazy. i guess now that i've had my major freak out, i should be okay for a while. i can't wait though, for that night that i don't have to say good bye. that i can just curl up in his arms, say goodnight and know i'll wake up next to him in the morning.

funny thing my mom actually said to me, she asked me if i was going to keep up this habit of late nights when i get married...lol i told her not so much. you see, i don't have to say goodbye, so i don't have to stay up all night with him, cuz i don't want him to leave. lol she didn't believe me, said i already had a habit of late nights! lol i told her she was silly :D i don't stay up late.... ;)

but yeah. i'm back at the point where it makes me really sad to say goodnight..but, it's all good...lol i'm strong. lol and i'll see him again in about 8 hours...lol well a little over 8 hrs...lol

i find that because i've been getting home late, i neglect my journal writing and my blogging, as i do my best writing at night...plus its the most convenient time to write...i also find my mind opens up most at night. that can be a good or bad thing...and sometimes scary. cuz i find my mind wandering where i really don't want to think about, cuz my thoughts can be somewhat depressing...other times, i find myself overthinking things, or thinking about things that i can worry about later...then again, there is usually one thing i enjoy thinking about, cuz it has to do with my best friend, the love of my life...the one i can't wait to have forever with! lol yeah...i'm guilty, i'm planning my wedding in my head...lol kind of funny, cuz growing up, i was a helpless romantic. yet, i was not the kind of girl that sat there and planned out exactly what her colors were, what her dress looked like, where she was getting married, how the reception area was decorated, etc. i had bits and pieces that when i saw cute ideas, that i would kind of store away for later...but now, i find myself looking at my friends weddings for ideas...lol like i had one friend just get married. she had her reception in an LDS church building cultural halll ( AKA.. the gym area). and she had this fabric draped over canopy style that was incredibly cute! LOL and i kind of said to jay...hmm...that is cute...and started thinking about it...lol but that's just silly me...

but yeah...probably should go write in my journal....

lol average jane signing off....

( love you jay....kisses) lol