why does it feel like lying?

ever have those days you find you cannot make up your mind? or you think you've made up your mind, just to find the next day, you aren't so sure...you find yourself telling a friend..." i've learned from this...i'm not gonna make that mistake again...i'm done with that..." then turn around and you bite your words...sometimes it's you jumped to conclusions...others, you just let yourself get drawn back...can't stay away...you feel somedays thatyou're lying to your friends...but sometimes you just can't explain it all becauseyou know how they will react...and you don't need that...sometimes you wish they wouldn't just say 'told you so...' wish they would just keep it to themselves...because the situations change so fast, even you can't keep up with the score...don't know how its gonna be. feelings could rage overnight to worse in the morning...hard feelings could just diminish, being replaced once again with love. you may find yourself leaving that special one's presence unsure, contemplative, lost, confused...not really speaking to them... thinking you'll see them the next day and things will be different, like them just not talking to you, thinking you hate them...then they surprise you by acting just the same as normal...charming, thoughtful, sweet...and you find yourself wondering why you were doubting anything the night before...wondering what made you feel lost, confused, just hours ago...you see a different person during the day, more composed, only quick smiles directed your way...then night falls and they hold you passionately...promise they'll never leave you...things go from simple to complicated and you begin to wonder what makes it all so different...makes you wonder why you can't say no...why you just give in...until you break down inside, wanting to just sob silently in your pillow...fall into dreamland, the one place you can escape reality...just for a moment...