Dreams

when it comes to dreams, there are two basic beliefs about why we have dreams and what they mean.

belief 1: dreams mean nothing, it is jsut random. it is just an epiphenomenon that is the mental activity that occurs during REM sleep.

belief 2: dreams have a meaning. we dream because either we need to declutter our minds, our subconcious is trying to speak to us, or we have problems from our daily lives that our mind couldn't work through while concious, so we have dreams to work them out. This is just putting this belief in simple terms.

myself, i have always followed with belief two. i believed that our minds are trying to tell us something or we have something that our mind needed to work out when it was concentrating on the other dozen items we do during the day. it made sense to me to believe this way. from having dreams so simple where i couldn't find a bathroom in my dream and waking up to find i needed to use the bathroom, to slightly more complex dreams of being naked for some reason while i was in public in school or the mall or someplace - which i interpreted that i was trying so hard to be someone else to fit in, i was afraid to show who i really was, afraid to be me with no mask on (signifying the nakedness)- i really believed that my dreams told me something. i found that in some dreams i could even wake myself up, especially in some scary ones..

another set of dreams i liked were the ones where i would meet a handsome stranger, and a romantic tale would ensue. whether in modern times, or in medieval times where i was a princess. this all was just my true desires in life. i wanted to be in a fairytale, i wanted to be in the stories that i read. i wanted adventure, something more to my life. and i found my escape in books, and my escape came real in my dreams.

however, sometimes, i find i would rather believe in belief #1 when it comes to some dreams. i find that the meaning i find from some dreams, i would rather believe were jsut random, not something that my mind needed to work out, or some secret desire i have hidden until my subconcious brings it into my dreams. i don't want to believe that such things lie within me. can they? or are these just really random dreams? with no significance. i would like to believe this, but i can't... so i just write them down, and push them from my mind, hoping that these dreams are not revealing a side of me i'd rather not know about.

anyhoo....dreams are interesting things..

average jane signing off...

i'm trying :)

so hey.... i know i promised to blog more so here i am to write a little before i head off to class :) lol

so the past week suprisingly has gone by fast.... lol but pretty much all that i do now is go to class in the mornings and work at night.... lol can't wait til i don't have to work this job... lol it's an alright job when i have some project to do, or customers to help... but otherwise its boring..

but i've been working on studying for a test i need to take. so far it looks like i need lots more studying lol.... i do that on my free time at work... lol my work practically pays me to educate myself. it's awesome :) lol that's one good thing about having nothing to do. but then i sometimes have to watch out for the head guys at work, cuz they don't like us doing it. but my main supervisor doesn't seem to mind.

so.... taylorsville dayzz celebration was this weekend :) lol it was fun :) i got to watch a parade and run out in the street to get candy they threw out from the floats and cars :) lol jay thought i looked like a little kid doing so lol... but i had fun
then there was fireworks that night... saturday that is. i love watching fireworks. it was weird to think that just a year ago, me and jay were still dating and i had invited him to come to the fireworks with me :) wow.... it's so crazy :) lol

anyhoo, better pack up for class!!! i'll write more later this week :)

a new start

Well, it's not really a new start.... just seems like it. it's been a while since i've posted... and the other blog i was gonna start posting more on, well , it is still down. and i really jsut felt like blogging today. probably should start with a recap of whats been going on in life since i last posted... well the important stuff...


so i last posted december. wow.... so long ago... thats about when i stopped really writing in my journal too... just kind of got busy i guess. Well, i survived the new years celebrations... which means i fell asleep at like 11 pm.... lol but it was my first new years being married :) lol so weird still to think of all these firsts. but then i quit my job and was done at steve regan co. on january 30th. I was going to school at the time and they had already paid for my semester, so i was set! it was awesome. so the classes i had were math 1010, chem 1010, and hlac 1096, which is a p.e. class... he he... i took it online !!! it was awesome :) but i passed all my classes with straight A's :) i was so proud of myself :) lol my first 4.0 since i began high school :)


but in about may i started a new job. :) i work now at the Bookstore at the University i will attend in fall. i work up in textbooks, which means i organize books and such... and help ppl find their books for their classes. right now it's really dead cuz its summer.... so dead... lol but the best part of the job will be having a job close to school in the fall... actually, the best part will be that i get to "check out" my textbooks, in a manner of speaking, when i start classes next fall. meaning i don't have to pay a cent for textbooks, i just borrow them from the bookstore and return them come end of semester. it will save me so much money... and i am so lucky...


oh i forgot to mention! i attended graduation at SLCC as a graduate. I am so stoked :) i can't wait to really be done there. they had the actual ceremony on May 8th. but i don't graduate until i finish these two classes i have this semester. i have math 1050 and soc 2370. my soc class is called Gender in Society. it is really a fun class.... i've only had two classes so far of it, but the professor is very knowledgable and says things that really makes you think.... it's really a good thing...


but yeah... so i will start at the U in the fall. i am so stoked! this is what i've dreamed of doing since i started high school. especially when my brother started there before his mission. but i will be majoring in English for certain. i am debating about whether to also minor in psychology or sociology. and also wondering if i should just do a double major and do it in either psychology or sociology.... seeing as i will be taking enough classes on my own just to fill spaces where i can't take english classes ... but yeah :)


as you can see, life is going good :) i can't imagine jay not being in it.


oh! i should update with how to things are with jay a bit. well, his work contract expires in august, so he is starting to apply for jobs around here... make sure that if they don't renew the contract, that he has something. i know he can find a job, cuz he is an incredibly smart man... lol it's awesome :) i am proud of him :) i don't think i mentioned that he passed 2 0r 3, i think, tests that he didn't think he would. it has brought him so close to getting all the certs you can get in the computer, or IT , business :) it's been great. Good job jay...


but life is fun, crazy busy. still, i promise i'll be on here at least once a week to update :)


averagejane signing off...

reflections over the last year...pt. 2

okay so as my husband pointed out, i have not put up a part 2 yet! lol so i figure i better get on it ;)

i know it's been almost 3 weeks since my last post, but i'll try to follow up with what i was thinkin :)

i was kind of in a funk that night that i was posting so this will be a little different.. but the general idea is that the past year things have been crazy. i've done some things i'm not proud of... though they have made me stronger and into the person i am today. And, i've done some things, made some choices that have been the best times of my life. among those that i am most grateful for, is the moment i began dating jay. i'll admit that with the path i had been going down, that i didn't think i would find someone like jay, someone to love me despite all my faults and bad choices. it was funny too, cuz i realized how much i didn't know jay in high school. i found out we were so similar in what paths in life we had begun to walk down. or tumble down... as the case may be. lol but then by some chance he found me... and in turn we both began to see that there was a better path. one that was meant for us to walk together... and so we began it. on october 18th. the best day of my life, at this point. i'm sure i'll have many best days to add to that down the road. but yeah

so i know in the last post i was mostly dwelling on the bad stuff that had happened and that i had gotten into... so they weren't the worst things i could have done... but they were stuff i will avoid in the future. i won't dwell on them any more because there was this quote i found and it said, "Don't let yesterday use up too much of today." (Will Rogers) and ya know what? i realized that i do that all too often. i've been fallin into an old habit of letting small things bug me... and lingering on them. and it's been pullin me down. i need to just let go! and so here i go.... but oh... another good quote to go with that is "some people think that it's holding on that makes one strong, sometimes it's letting go" That one applies to a lot in my life.! honestly.

anyway.. this is my pt. 2 and final reflection over the past year. it's been a year of change and wonderful beginnings! i can't wait to see what this year brings :) (maybe a change in job :) i hope!)

but life is great! i love jay more than i thought possible! (i'll always be ur girlfriend, btw, jay :D )

averagejane signing off :)

reflections over the last year...pt. 1

so my birthday is almost over... in about 22 min, i will just be back to normal life... no special day. lol not that this year felt any different to me... well that is adding a year, felt no different to me. but this year has been one crazy hell of a ride. it's kind of fun to look back. well, on most parts. i find there are many things in the past year i've done that i'm not proud of, some things i wish i could forget, some things i wish had never happened. yet as i sit here wishing they hadn't happened, i look at my life now, and what has brought me here. Almost every thing, big or small, that i wish had never taken place, wish i hadn't been stupid and naive enough to fall for, has brought me to the person i am today. Am i happy with who i am? mostly, yes i am. i sure am a lot happier as the person i am today, vs. the person i was 6-10 months ago. at the time, i was in denial, but i was on a path that i really was not truly happy on...sure i had fun, tried some things i had been dying to do...but did they really matter in the end? i mean, some things were just stupid and whatever. but some things, i really wish i had never had to experience... well...

now i have to head off to the twilight movie!!!! lol we got 12:30 pm showing tickets, cuz we were too late for the midnight showings...lol

i'll finish my thoughts on this when i get back...

averagejane signing off

election day

hey...so i'm sittin here at work, feelin really restless....it's crazy... cuz i have work to do, so i shouldn't be bored...yet i am.. i want to type and such, but i don't want to type my work. i just want to babble on here...lol i know i'm crazy!

but so more on life and musings 'bout it. well today is election day! i voted! lol it was my first time really voting...like i voted in the preliminaries, but this time it was the real thing... like i was making a choice about the president for real. and other such offices in my state. i think the one thing i would do better next year would be to read more about the candidates and propostions and ammendment propositions... i was able to read a little, but i wish i had known more, as i ended up playin e-ni-me-ni-mine-e-oh...lol that's how i would say it...but in other words...i just had to guess. lol that probably isn't the best way. but yeah...

anyhoo..so we wait in anticipation of tomorrow to see who will be our next president. i'll admit that i'm leaning very much away from obama. i have to say that is in part because of that obama wants to shut down the NASA program and that would be sad :( but ya...

so the work day is almost over! yay...he he well close enough to over :) lol well g2g

average jane signing off..

musings about married life...

hey... so it's the last hour of work... well actually now it's the last half hour :) yay!!!!

but i'm sittin here bored, so i figured i would blog!

well, life is going relatively well :) i must say life has been busy and there's been a lot of things to get used to so far. i'll admit a part of me misses the simplicity of life before. but at the same time it's worth the exchange for the life i have now. i'll admit there are trying times, but in the end it will all work out. it always seems to. and in the end i learn something and become a more adaptive person. it's hard on both of us to just learn to live with each other. lol i swear there are times i feel like i've screwed up, times i've failed jay. but then i see sometimes the feeling is mutual. and i'm learning even more about how we really need to communicate more. i thought i was doing good at that. but today i went and visited my family at lunch. and i kind of broke down. i am tired and sick today, and i've just been frustrated with little things and kind of let it all out. and my mom said to me, that i needed to discuss my frustrations with jay. that i needed to solve it with him. and it brought to mind something jay actually said to me about 3 weeks to a month before we got married. one night i was feeling like crap and ended up goin home early from his place. i did not leave in a good mood however. and it upset jay. and i wasn't sure how i felt at the moment either, whether i was running away from him particularyl or just wanting to be alone, away from anyone. and texting about it later, he said to me that he was worried that the same thing would happen after we were married, that i would leave him and go home to my mom. and i kind of came to when i was sitting there crying and realized that i need to remember that sometimes compromises need to be made and that i really need to work on my communication and that i can always improve in something...

but so i'm doing loads better now. i still feel sick, like i have a sore throat and a headache... but i'll be okay. cuz i'm skipping class tonight to get some rest. lol it also is an excuse to not do my presentation cuz i haven't managed to finish it cuz i've been sick this past few days... lol

well, g2g, work will be out soon :)

averagejane signing off...