well, so here's my newest update on guys. i'm just giving up in general, cuz they cause too much drama in general. like being upset when i find out they think of me as just a friend.... kind of story of my life. but i'm used to it. so i'm moving on. totally nothing beyond friends with a guy. i'll flirt cuz that is so totally me. and of course tease, but nothing more. no committment, nada. it'll just make life easier... in the long run. maybe 5 years down the road i'll try again. but who cares. i'm only 18 and i've got so much i want to do!!! :D i don't need a guy to bog me down. i've got plenty of guy friends... namely nathan and spencer, they are awsome... and darion sometimes.
but it was the oddest thing, cuz i was reading my journal from like february. and i had written that no matter what happened, i'd still be friends with dave.. and look where i am now. i barely speak to him or see him as it is. and i guess i'm mostly to blame..... but i wrote that i'd die if i lost him as a friend, or never talked to him again. and now i don't talk to him and i'm survivng. guess he didn't have as much of an impact as i thought, or maybe i really am moving on. i still have feelings for him like as friends, but i guess i don't want to do anything about it. i'm jsut tired of caring. so it doesnt matter anymore. the friends i have are fine and i'm okay.
and it's totally hitting me that this is the end of high school coming too soon. that soon i won't see or talk to most of my friends again for years, because they'll be off at college having a life. but i'm still here in taylorsville, building my dreams and one day i'll get out there in the real world. having started with seeing san francisco, i can't wait to get out there and see the rest of the world. i can only imagine how amzing it will be. and i will get there, by the age of 30 is my goal. and that gives me a lot of space to find a way. i will do it.....i have to.. for my sanity. i can't wait..
anyhoo, this has been a lot of what i'm feeling lately. and it's great to get it all down..way great.
but this i draw to a close.
average jane signing off. ( for now, i'm jsut content to be. btw, boys are still hot, just stupid lol)
14 comments:
And you know I'm always here, too, Amy. :-)
Graduation's coming fast... I don't know where it will take us, but I stand by what I said online the other night.
And the world outside Utah is amazing. Different, dangerous, but amazing. As for myself, I prefer to just be a visitor there; I could never leave this place. But I know it's not exactly "you." ;-)
Awww...I can't believe my name is up there!!! I'm so glad to be your friend! Dave also has been a very good influence on me...I don't want anyone to be cut short. I don't mean to upset you, I'm just being honest.
But boys are hot? Hmm, I never saw one of those. ;-P
Love you!!!!!
Spencer
lol yes spence boys are hot, at least to me...i'd worry if you thoguht that. though i know you wouldnt. :D
and thanx nathan i know that you'll always be here for me. and it means the world to me.
as for outside of utah, i can't wait to see it all. utah is great, but i need something more, i feel stifled in utah.... but i won't really leave as long as my friends like you, nathan, are here. cuz my heart is with my friends. i'll never become a stranger even in all my travels soon to come, hopefully...
Yup. Ain't never seen a good-looking guy. Never. 8-)
Where are you planning on going? No God-forsaken 3rd world country I hope?
lol well, maybe eventually i'll visit some 3rd world country, but for now, i'm just planning on seeing europe...i want to see italy and france and england and scotland and ireland. all of it intrigues me! :D
Oh, Ireland!!!! England!!!! Scotland!!! Can I stow away in your luggage, please please please pleeeeaaase?????
lol that would be funny but you can come along when i do go!!! :D
Okay. Just get a carry-on case that is at least 6' 1/2" long, okay? :-P
sorry airlines won't allow it.
Oh no...then can you shrink me? ;-P
umm...also not possible!
Hmm....how can I come then? Uh...I know, I can ride on the wing of the jet! Nobody'll ever know!
lol yah right! like they wouldnt' notice you hanging off! :P lol!
Well then you find a better way for me to stowaway! *Hmphm*
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