a rollercoaster that sucks

so today has been a real emotional rollercoaster for me. first i was up cuz i finished what i could for English and turned it in. i'm on the path to bring my grades up....and it's really relieving. but so the day went okay for the rest of school...i even signed up to donate blood... yeah...but then i mentioned that i was working on meditation to a friend. and i get a random response of how it's evil and that buddhism is evil and anything else to do with it is...and it kind of ticked me off. cuz i mean come on, what's so evil about meditation? it is a exercise to connect with yourself and to relieve stress that can be building up. typical in this world. i have yet to master meditation, but i'm determined to do it, after all i try to finish what i start.

but then more religious shit.....so i'm just sick of religion in general. i feel all too often that it is shoved in my face and i'm forced to do things that are a waste of my time and totally against my freedom. hell, i'm 18! shouldn't i be allowed to do what i think is right? tonight our planned activity for our young womens fell through so we were gonna go join the younger girls. ugh... plus it didn't help that they were all like i don't know if that'll be too many ppl? like 10 ppl was too much. *eye roll* but i had basically decided i was gonna go home and whatever...so i put my headphones in my ears and just walked down my street singing to my song "leave me alone," by the veronicas. and then she stopped me and asked if i was gonna go to the other girls house for games. i told her i don't know cuz i hate young womens and i don't even want to be here. then i went into my house. yeah told my dad the situation and convinced him to let me not go. ugh i really hate religion, especially just my ward leaders. they are so pushy and annoying. i wish they would just disappear. i can't wait until i branch out on my own. but i still have to graduate high school.... it can't come soon enough right now. i feel like sometimes i have to work to get a few of my friends' attentions. cuz it's like i'm invisible sometimes. that their life doesn't include me much anymore. drifting apart. but i guess with graduation coming up that's to be expected..and it's better to get used to it now....yeah.

well, i've got some meditation to go do. i have some major stress, emotions and issues to resolve.

average jane signing off. (yeah, life sucks, but hey story of my life and i move on....some ppl need to get out of my face, just leave me alone, like it says in my song "leave me alone.")