Three little words that confuse me....

why are boys so confusing? i mean, like you think you know them, but then they go and begin to act in a whole new way. like i mentioned a week or so ago, i think, i have a friend that i like a bit as more than friend. and lately, he's been saying things that make me wonder if he really likes me as more, too. and today almost completly confirmed that. so, lately he's taken to saying i love you to me. at seemingly random moments too. but, today in church, we were kind of talking, per se. like by signing and sort of mouthing the words but not really speaking. and so then, he mouthed, "i love you." and i just mouthed back, "whatever." and he replied, "no really, i love you." and so i mouth back, " i love you too." then about 10 min. later, he fingerspells to me, " i mean it." and so i mouth and sign, "what?" and he mouths again, " i love you." so i was extremely confused. what does he mean? cuz my sister reminded me that about a few months ago i was under the impression that he had a girlfriend for only the purpose of the physical stuff.....but he knows i don't get down like that... so why is he telling me he loves me? cuz i totally love him as a friend, but not entirely sure if more than that. then i walk home from church and i told him that i was going straight home, so either he could walk with me or go his way. so he decided to walk me home, told his foster mom that. but so he walked me home....we talked the whole way(i dont live that far..) but, then i turned to tell him good bye in my driveway, and he said, i did mean it. and he gave me a hug. oh, what an amzing hug. *sigh* but i don't know. cuz didn't i just swear off guys for like the next five years.... but i guess one can't help one's emotions....he really can be a sensitive great guy....maybe it's just that he is just a little younger than me... and i dont' know...if you can't tell i'm a little out of sorts and confused... gosh why does it have to be so difficult.... life isnt easy... then, after i walked into my house, i looked out my bay window to watch him walk away. and who should come up to him, but his ex girlfriend. she's bi, btw. and she really pisses me off. and she goes up to him and hugs him...and i don't know... just kind of confused me..even though i could tell it was her initiating the hugs. and it made me realize that i do like darion as more than jsut a friend, for why else would i feel incredibly jealous to see him hugging his ex? i know that i like him...but i'm still so very confused over the "i love you" part of it. those three words do tend to confuse me.... but, i guess maybe the key in this is just to go with the flow, and see where this takes me. but another nagging thought is that darion will be adopted either sometime this summer or next school year. he'll be moving up to bountiful. so i guess i don't know if i want a relationship if he'll just be moving. but here i go again thinking too much about things. typical me.

so recap, darion tells me he loves me and that he means it. and i love him at least in friendshipwise. and i like him somewhat more than just friends. so i'm just gonna ride this and find where it takes me. after all haven't i said i just want dating for fun, and not so serious? yeah, i have. so it's time to stop worrying and jsut go with things....guess i have that worked out for now. so yeah...

average jane signing off....