darion makes me happy, yet confused...

last night i had a dream...about darion. and you all know that dreams often are either our subconcious telling us something or something that is really on our mind. well, obviously darion is on my mind... :D

so my dream...well, i was in california. that much i remember. i don't know why cali, but i was there with darion. i had gotten there by plane. that i remember... but, we were in a church and darion was being the usher(the person who passes out the church programs of the meeting, for those who don't know what i mean...) and so i sat by him for a bit. i couldn't sit by him for very long cuz my parents were there at the church too and i think expected me to sit by them. but just sitting by him, i could really feel he liked me and we just talked. it was cool. and then i got up for something, and randomly this girl liz that, in the dream, was some ex-girlfriend of his in cali, came up to him and she hugged him. and i got oober jealous. tha's really all i remember.

but this is the first time in a long time that i've dreamt about a guy i like. the last one i dreamt about was a good friend that it turns out doesn't like me as more than a friend... and then before that dave...so i guess it's like making me realize how much i like him. i only dream about those that are seriously on my mind and i can't stop thinking about. Darion has been on my mind a lot in the past week. ever since he told me he loved me....i hope he means it. cuz i'm realizing just how far i've come to rely on him, and how far i've fallen for him. didn't do too well protecting my heart this time. oh well, my new saying is, (like my screen name for messenger..) "life is pain. anyone who says differently is selling something." that's a line off of princess bride. but i guess it's not all pain. there is some good mixed in with the pain. like friends...i have two i know will always be there to listen to me if i need to vent, to share my happy news with, to cry with, to laugh with, (even across the net. it's so still possible.) but also, i like the new linkin park song. i'm posting it like right now....

but so i'm seriously hoping that things develop between me and darion. i could use some positive stuff in my life...cuz choir is just bringing me down, no matter how hard i try to just keep above it...mmmm.. darion, happy thoughts....well i'm tired and it's time for me to be in bed. i have to perform tomorrow....ugh....wait happy thoughts...spencer-makes me laugh, darion-makes me happy and smile.... :D love you both so much

average jane signing off... (it's now 10:14 and i'm so exhausted...)