so, anyone still watching my blog may be surprised to see that I am posting, after almost a year... i know. it's crazy. but, i've just had a pretty good day. one that has really struck me to come attempt to blog once again. also, one will notice that i have revamped my blog design. i'd say it was definitely about time. after the past year, i feel that a new start,of sorts, is in order.
to begin to explain, i saw my longtime friend from Cali tonight. it has been three years since we last were together. and yet, the time has flown and i cannot believe it has been that long. it feels like just yesterday we were developing our friendship, making jokes about being Mr. Collins and Cousin Elizabeth. :) those were some good times. one of the best times of my life. one where i knew where i stood. didn't have to worry about silly things like house payments ;) lol you never know how good you really have it when all you have to worry about is clothes and the occasional meal to pay for. no responsibilities beyond a job and/or school.
but i'm not saying that i want to get rid of my responsibilites that i have now. i really do enjoy my life, but i miss the person i let myself be back then. i need to find a way to incorporate my adventurous and carefree spirit into a life often dictated by responsibilties. i need to find out how to let go once in a while. thankfully, i got a chance tonight. i sat and laughed with friends, talked about the good times of high school, and watched my husband look at me like i was crazy ;) lol i had some good times. and most of that was because i had convinced myself that i didn't mind so much what ppl thought of what i did because my friends had accepted me as i was. i was able to be a goof. i was able to just let myself have fun. all too often lately, i find that i have become boring, predictable, and just no fun. i want to be able to let go so easily as i did in my high school years and a little beyond that. that is my goal for this coming year. i want to find my spunk and spirit again. i want to feel young, instead of an old married woman. that is a lot of my problem. and it all starts with me.
well, now that i babbled enough, i will go to bed. just one last thing, thanks to my friend for coming to visit. you have no idea how much it meant to me. it was a wonderful night, of which i hope many more are to come.
until next time, averagejane signing off.
8 comments:
Amy,
Hey, it is SO good to see you blogging again! Now that you bring it all up, it's interesting, this is how we met and got to know each other, isn't it? :-D Has it really been five years?
You're right, Amy. Good times, such good times! I remember them all, and they are some of my most cherished memories of all time. ("Cousin Elizabeeeeeth!" Hahaha, it's been a while since I've done THAT!) I had forgotten about it until now, but do you remember the Sly Piggery, the "warm fuzzies" thread? Wouldn't this count as one? :-)
You are also right about life...the past three years have been some of the worst in my life, and, as to both of us, it's certainly been a "growing up" experience, hasn't it? In the end, we should be proud of ourselves. The nasty world is never pleasant, but look! We've risen above it, we're no longer the teenagers we once were. Be proud, Amy, for what you've become!
As we talked once again in person after three long years (Had I KNOWN it was going to be three years I would have had a hard time waiting, and would've counted the days down!), something hit me right away. I was impressed with two feelings. One, the first, was, "Wow, look at her! She's all grown up!" And the second was, "She's done it--she's figured out the way to being 'adult' and still being just as infectiously fun to be around as she used to be. This is great! It's just like old times!" In short, I am proud of you, Amy. I really, really am, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart.
I think your goals are indeed noble ones--like we were saying last night, we want to be rocking and rolling when we're old! That is such a beautiful thing! So many people begin the long, slow deterioration process around our ages, but no, not you! Yes, your goals are also goals of mine, but I don't think you give yourself enough credit for just how far you've gone towards them already.
You are a good judge of yourself in these matters, however, so if you want to "let go" more, then I say go for it! Move towards it, and life will be that much fuller for you, if you satisfy your needs. However, don't forget that you're already WELL on your way. I can see it bright as day!
Thinking about that same thing we talked about last night--keeping on young in spirit even when old in body--I can think of something you might benefit from hearing perhaps. I'm tired, worn out, feel old, and am pretty much beat down these days. But you know what? I've decided, when I get married and settle down, I want to look exactly like you and Jay. I mean, come on! The Shepherd couple screams, "Married life is wonderful! It isn't a curse, it's a joy! We live life to the fullest now, as always!" You guys were a freaking blast! Really, you make the cutest couple, if I may say so. And still so fun!
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So, my advice: keep on trucking! Just remember, you're already doing awsome! (Yes, I purposely spelled it that way--remember when you used to do it that way?) :-D
My thanks also goes to Jay for such an awesome time. I've loved his blog comments the past few years, and playing chess recently, as well as yesterday, was pretty much, what in Cali we might call "The Shiz!" (Do you guys use that word out here? It basically means the "best" or the "bomb, etc.) The similar "2A" beliefs are such a breath of fresh air to me, too. And ThinkGeek! Oh, that was such fun. :-)
I'm finding that Utah suits me well, so far. California has not been kind to me of late. I've come for a fresh start, and some new scenery. I've already met with my first goal, and I hope to meet with more of them. So, in short, I plan to be here a while. It won't be forever, but in my time here, you can bet your starship that I'm just a phone call away, and always more than ready for just about anything. :-D This is our time to catch up on what we didn't do back when we were friends and pen pals in high school. Isn't this the perfect opportunity to get back into that funtime groove? I sure think so!
Originally as a joke, I would randomly ask people out here after I decided to move, "So I'm ready for Utah, but is Utah ready for me?" Now I can see that the spoof of a question isn't as far off as it might have seemed at first. I still don't know what this place will hold for me, and I'm already seeing how (humorously) different my surroundings were back home compared to home. So, I may bring some Californian craziness with me, and it may not fit everywhere out here, but you know what? I feel like I fit in with you. I had some of the best fun at the Shepherd house, with you and Jay, then I've had in an age!
You've still got that "spunk and spirit" which has always been one of the many things I love about you. Time may have passed, but it sure seemed like not a minute had passed since three years ago, at least to me! This is our chance to make it all good, and I think that's just what we're going to do!
Thank you so much for inviting me to be a part of your lives. I love you both, and, as I once told you before, you would always hold a special Amy-shaped spot in my heart. Nothing in heaven nor earth could ever change that, because you're simply like a sister to me (and I do NOT use such rhetoric lightly). So, I first must meet your statement about coming to visit and how much it meant to you with, "You're more than welcome!" Second, I must offer one of my own, of similar color: Amy, you have no idea how much it mean to me. Seeing you again was a dream come true, and recapturing much of what I wasn't able to have in my teenage years was a motivation in moving out here (Which you've already helped out with!). I've missed you. No matter what happens, no matter where I am or what I become, I will always be your friend, and always care about you, as well as Jay.
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Last night was beautiful. It's the simple things in life that truly are worth having. When I got home last night, I thought, "Hey, I wonder if we should have taken pictures...?" But you know what? The memories are all I need. It's the memories, and the act of making them. That's what we did, three years ago. That's what we did, the two years before that, the past three...and yesterday. We made memories, and I will cherish them forever. Even something as simple as writing this (now rambling) comment fills me with warm feelings, happy thoughts, and good memories. Such beauty, such wonder! That's all Spencer needs.
I will love you forever. I will forever be grateful for having you in my life. It's time to live. Are you ready? I am!
This is gonna be good! :-)
Love,
Spencer
P.S. Wow, that was long...sorry...and if something doesn't make sense, just let me know and I'll explain it--it isn't every day that I speak straight from the heart.
I must admit Spencer, I was very surprised to find three very long comments in my mailbox. lol :) it has been an interesting few years. And for the time you do end up spending here in Utah, we will "live it up"! We have so many things to do here in Utah, you will never get bored :) Also, it means a lot to read you refer to me as a sister. It's sweet :)As to all the other wonderful things you said, thanks much! You are too kind :)
I must admit Spencer, I was very surprised to find three very long comments in my mailbox. lol :)
Haha, yeah, like I said, it got long--must've got carried away with the good company and all. ;-D And then it wouldn't let me do it in one comment, so...here we are!
And for the time you do end up spending here in Utah, we will "live it up"! We have so many things to do here in Utah, you will never get bored :)
Sounds like a plan!
Also, it means a lot to read you refer to me as a sister. It's sweet :)
You're welcome of course, but it's just me being honest with the basic facts. ;-)
As to all the other wonderful things you said, thanks much! You are too kind :)
Again, you're welcome...but also again, they're just honest facts!
Your friend,
Spencer
I stumbled on your blog, and would like to leave a comment for the warrior....
as a 3rd party who doesn't know any of you, I'm left to wonder how this makes her husband feel. You two obviously have a history together, with all the inside jokes you brought up. You talk about how much you missed her and how there's a special place in your heart for her and everything else. Don't you think it's a little inappropriate to talk to a (happily?) married woman like that, knowing that her husband could be reading this?
Don't you think that he could be sitting at home right now, feeling a little bit insecure about the fact that the man he invited over to play chess with is trying to establish what seems to me to be an actual, emotional relationship with his WIFE? Just some food for thought.
Dear mellouise,
I confess I am not quite sure how to respond to such a question from someone who, as you yourself admitted, is an outside, unacquainted 3rd party.
I understand the concern regarding married couples. However, the "husband" in this case is a good man whom I greatly respect and is also my personal friend in and of his own self. He already knows that my intentions are entirely honorable and are, literally, merely brotherly. And when you claim I am "trying to establish" something, your viewpoint fails you. I have been close friends with Amy before since she was married.
I know for a fact that Jay is her No. 1--I endorse this, encourage it, and support it with all that is in me. However, this does not mean I will ever turn my back on my friends.
My belief in Jesus Christ teaches me that what you are insinuating (as it appears to me you may be suggesting infidelity) is a terrible sin. I care about and respect both parties in this marriage. If this had been the husband's blog, I would have stated how great it had been to see him, etc. However, this is the wife's blog. I merely spoke about the person in reference. Since you were not there, you do not know that a massive part of what made the whole day so fantastic was that I got to see the husband and get to know him even better (he introduced me to some of his favorite movies, etc.).
I still don't see your issue. With all due respect and without trying to be rude or unfriendly towards you (I indeed have no such feelings), I am wondering why you think this analysis of yours, being entirely inadequate via viewpoint, was valid enough to be brought before strangers, and why I am "explaining" myself to a complete stranger in defense of what, in context, is an offensive accusation against my person, and the person of my good friend.
On the other hand, if the husband were to ever have problems, even a little, itty bitty, tiny one, I would hope (or even expect) him to let me know so we could work through it together as men. I would hold no hard feelings if he wanted to lay down some sort of "boundary" or anything of the sort if such a thing were to happen (even though the relationship, in my personal opinion, is already clearly established, and even was an entirely "platonic" friendship from day one.) I respect his relationship with his wife as a holy institution (religiously and concerning how important these friends are to me), and will never lift a finger to break such a thing.
I am forced to inform you that you are entirely incorrect in your assessment.
Now, I shall turn the board over the the married couple in question. OK, my friends, you've got the floor. :-)
Spencer
Husband here... end of the day she climbs into my bed. 'Nuff said.
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