today started okay. a seminary talent show that had one good act, the skafisciando (i think that's how it's spelled) band. they were pretty good. but then i went to choir class and i got a candy bar...really yummy and just made the day still good. and we got to sing an awsome song in choir. it's called "seize the day" from the musical newsies! i love it a lot. but anyhoo..then at lunch was when the day just progressed to worse. so i was sitting at the lunch table, and a sort of friend of my sister's sat next to us. i have to say i most of the time can't stand the girl. but, after she left i made a couple of comments about not really liking her. next to me sat a sort of friend of mine, tiffany. ugh.
(but as background knowledge, about a few weeks or a month ago, i was in a really bad mood. and i had been a bit rude to some ppl. it had been going on for a little while. and really flared up one day at lunch and then when i went to get my lunch, my sister told me that tiffany had said, "i am so sick of her attitude." and a couple of the other girls agreed. it was stupid.)
so back to the story...tiffany then turned to us and said, "okay well, let's not say anything else mean behind her back. i know i don't like it when ppl do it.." and i was like whatever. then i stood up to leave and said,"you're one to talk about not talking behind people's back! " then i left....i couldn't take that anymore.
then i walked with a friend to my locker....and she made me laugh. we totally just lightened up. but then we went to our first travel and tourism class. so we had taken a test two times before. and last time we had been lectured by mr. allred. a boy in our class (let's call him JE) had been bragging that he stole the key to the test and copied it to ace the test. and he really had. so today. some ppl still had to take the test. and our teacher grades on a curve. so if JE got 100, then we all would be screwed, cuz smith's tests are hard. and he hadn't come to class yet, so i went up to smith and told him in private that JE had been bragging he'd cheated on the test. and smith told me he already knew that, but thanked me for coming forward. so then i sat down and worked. JEcame in and smith took him out and talked to him, telling him he needed to retake the test. JE refused to saying he had already taken it. smith told him, oops i lost it. JE complained saying he'd take it to the front office and principal. so smith said go ahead. JE left and then didn't come back for a while. then he came back and said smith can i have the ch. 5 questions. and smith said you need to take your test first. JE said to just give him a 0 and leave it at that. but smith said no let's go talk to the administration. so JE said whatever... then turned to me(i sit on the front row) and said i have something for you, and then flipped me off and said fuck you. i said eff you back. i don't care. then he left with smith.... and then the class started talking about it all. and they all knew by then that i had said something. they joked about what JE said. and then i explained that i had only told smith that i had heard him bragging about cheating on this past test. they got mad at me saying it wasn't this test he had cheated on and that no one believed JE and how terrible it was. i felt like they were laying into me and i couldnt take it anymore so i just took the hallpass and left class. i walked around for about 10 min, then went back to class. i walk in and smith pulls me out again. he thanked me for coming forward and apologized for what jeramy said... i told him it doesn't matter, i don't care. but it did matter. i did what was right. and yet i got shit for it. like if it had been a few answers on the test, whatever, that's their business. but when you cheat on the whole test with the guaranteed answers, then it involves me and screws me over. it's not right. and smith told me that JE did admit to cheating on the test. but still said i deserved to be flipped off. so now i know he'll resent me for quite some time, possibly the rest of my life. but i had to say something. last time something like this happened, the other kids in the class tried to turn around the situation by saying what if your best friend did this? would you still rat them out? i told them i absolutely would, but, i don't make it my business to be friends with terrible cheaters like that. so in this situation, JE was a friend. not a best friend or anything but i liked him. he was funny. but i couldn't let him screw the rest of us over. it sucked and then the rest of the class still believed he hadn't cheated......it annoyed me cuz i know they were talking about me behind my back. and i hate that. i will go to someone's face and tell them if i have a real problem with them. anyhoo.... that's my ranting
so now with this mood, my song right now is "heavily broken" by the veronicas.... some of the lyrics are:
"everyday i sit here waiting/ everyday just seems so long/ now i've had enough of all the hating/ to even care it's so unfair......it never ends/ im heavily broken/ and i dont' know what to do/can't you see that i'm chokin, and i can't even move/ when there's nothing left to say, what can you do/ i'm heavily broken and there's nothing i can do/ almost giving on trying..... feels like i'm drowning/i'm screaming for air.../ and you don't even care.."
cuz i'm just sick and tired of the drama of high school. i don't want to be here and dealing with it. graduation almost can't come fast enough. it is kind of a comfort to know that after it, i won't have to see some ppl anymore. i can't stand it. i hate school. i have almost no motivation to finish, except the fact that it's only a month left. and i was trying to get my grades up to stay in national honor society and graduate with the cords, but it's just too much and i dont think i can pull back up this late in the game. i'll try to bring things up, but i don't know if i can....it's just too much right now. too much stress.
but there was one bright spot in my day. i got an email from a really good friend, and it really made my day. to just hear from him and get an email was awsome. it may not have been an entirely happy email, but just to be talking to him sometimes makes my day. he has a way of making me laugh. i know that my day is just better to say hi to him in the hallway at school. been my best friend for a while. thank god for friends. but anyhoo.... so my day has kind of just leveled out into a blah now.....and it's probably just gonna stay at that. but it's better than a day from hell. i was even in a good mood this morning cuz i meditated for a bit and it really centered me. and i had an oober cute hairdo. i had pigtail braids! i was in a funsy mood this morning. so that kind of shows how much the run ins with tiff and JE really hurt me and threw me off. but i'm okay for now...
average jane signing off. (friends are quiet angels who pick you up when your wings have trouble remembering how to fly....)
4 comments:
Amy, I want you to know that I'm proud of you. It's hard to do what's right sometimes, but you just have to do your job sometimes.
Doing the right thing does feel good. I speak from experience when I say that doing the right thing can make people hurt you, be vicious to you, maybe even hate you. Perhaps no one in the world tells you, or even thinks, that what you did was good.
But, when something like this happens in my life, I always smile inside because I know that, no matter what others think, I've done my job, and done what was right.
That's one of the best feelings in the world, Sweetie. You have no reason to feel bad.
Always, do what is right. Just charge forward and get it done. I'm proud, Amy. :-D
I know JE. He thinks he's all that and a bag of chips; he got what he deserved.
And thanks for listening... things have just been really crazy lately. I'll try to reply to your e-mail when my research project is out of the way. :-)
Ugh. Some people are idiots. They'd be singing a different tune if you hadn't said anything and their grades were unusually low.
yeah some ppl are jsut idiots. JE is no longer in my travel and tourism classes cuz he left...and din't want to come back
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