i love life! he hee

so, the funniest thing happened yesterday. so i was at work and my dad comes in to tell me they had dropped off the car for me to get home, cuz they had dropped me off at work. but then my mom comes in and says she thought she might as well see where i work while she's here. so of course i have to introduce her to all my wonderful friends at work. so i take her to pumps dept. to meet callie, and i tell my mom callie is my favorite. but then my dad who has already met most everyone says that i have to have mom meet Art, a guy back in pumps dept. who is a good friend and i kind of have a crush on. so, i go back to the shop to see if hes there, but he isn't. so then i just come back to my desk. like two minutes later, he calls up to my phone and i tell him to stay where he is that i want my parents to meet him. so i go back there and they all meet...

well, then my parents leave cuz they have places to be. but then like 20 min. later, my friend callie comes up to me and says that she is in trouble now. and i ask her what she'd done now. she told me that she had said to Art that my parents had come just to meet him! lol lol so then she said that he blushed. then asked if callie was serious. callie said yeah. then he kind of smiled. so i later questioned more about the smile. and she said that it was an "oh-she-likes-me" smile. then i asked if it was an "oh, awkward, she likes me" smile or an "oh-she-likes-me-pleased" smile. and callie said it was definitely a pleased "oh-she-likes-me" smile! lol

totally made my day. well, that's all.

average jane signing off! :D

actin like a ditz and likin' guys@!!

well, let's just say things are gonna be interesting. well, at least i hope they will be. cuz i'm ready for something to happen.

so work was decent today. the morning actually began pretty good cuz i got the rest i needed and i was ready for work and anxious to see cody. so i got to work right at 8 am. like i'm supposed to. things all in all were a good morning. then sometime about just before my lunch break, i had something to deliver to Friz, back in the shipping office. i could have just thrown it through the window into the basket but i like to walk around every so often. and as an after bonus, i got to see cody. but so i went back into the office and put the paper on Friz's desk and as i walked in the office i noticed that cody and casey were in the office. i walked past them, put the paper down and went to walk out. on my way out cody said hi to me and asked how my day was. then i replied as i kept walking .and to explain somethin, the door to the shipping office is actually several strips of thick plastic. so when i went to walk out, i tried to part the strips. and turned out i missed one right in the middle. so as i walked out, half turning my face to reply, i knocked my glasses askew. it was silly. and i don't think cody saw. but i still felt like an idiot. turned out even if he did see, it didn't affect anything to do with me and cody.

later on about 3 pm, cody came up front and ate some peanuts while he talked to me. we just talked about random things in general. it was cool. and he asked how things were going with chris. and i told him that chris and i were talking. that i was trying to emphasize that we were just friends. and that i felt he was chilling and that things would be okay. cody seemed happy to hear that. he told me that he first told chris he wouldn't go out with me at all. but then he said he wouldn't go out with me until he (chris) was chill. but then cody told me that he'd give it another week or so, then he'd talk with chris if he wasnt' chill yet. cuz he said that chris was gonna be jealous of whoever i went out with... but i think we'll be okay. and cody said, then we can go on a date, then asked me, that is if you're still interested. and i joked a minute with him. and said, well, i'm not sure. then i said just kidding! i'm still interested. lol it felt really good to know he was still interested in me.

then the coolest news, and yet somewhat interesting news came from robert. i saw him and said hey what's up? and then somehow he mentioned something about the drama back in the warehouse. and i was like sounds like fun. and he told me, "you're the talk of the warehouse." and i said oh yeah, how? then he explained, "well, there's chris that talks about you, then art, and cody and george." and i asked, "how does george fit into this?" robert said," well, cody has to talk to george..." and i laughed. it was really funny... to be what the whole warehouse is talkin about...lol but then i got to thinkin. will the ppl just think of me as some person who just dates everyone? cuz first off i like robert, almost date him, then chris and i do actually date him. then now i like cody. i also thought of what my friend calls this girl that basically dated everyone in their school class. they say that she is like a doorknob, everyone gets a turn. i hope that no one thinks of me that way. but yeah. so that's my worries.

but i have to admit that i'd never thought a guy as amzingly cute and smart would like me. let's just say i'm the nerdy girl in school. that everyone will be friends with, but doesn't think of as more than a friend. bute here is this amzing guy. he's smart. and he doesn't like ppl to lie about themselves or to lie in general. he says he hates that more than anything. and he said that he's a bad boy ,and i'm a good girl, but that sometimes you just can't ignore the attraction. and he knows i'm a good girl of sorts, and yet he still likes me. and i can just be me. it's so cool. but things are good

but so things are going okay. and i can't wait to see cody tomorrow. but yeah..life's okay..
oh and i'm gettin my hair done special on saturday. i'll let you all know how it turns out.

average jane signing off! :D

yeah i'm silly

so i know that i just posted like a few hours ago. but i just have to say again that i was so freaking surprised when cody told me that he liked me and had for a while. and the fact that he had been nervous to approach me just makes me laugh and so giddy. cuz guys don't usually act that way around me. i was the smart one in school. and the way i talk sometimes was just a tad to specific and exact that would make the cute guys like cody go "huh?" but cody is not just a pretty face. he's smart. and he knows what makes a girl special and how to treat a girl. well, i hope that chris can mellow out and chill so that i can go out with cody a few times at least. but yeah.

so yeah well chris just texted me. and i think i might take this chance to make him see that we really just have to be friends and cool things off. so that way i can try to hurry along things and just let work not be so much drama...

anyhoo,
averagejane signing off! :D life is good.

boys still silly!! :D

okay, here i go again... here's what happened today. well, so we kind of did our typical hi and smile routine. it wasn't until around 3 or 4 pm that he really said anything important. but, so he came up to me and said, "so are you connie's granddaughter?" and i was totally shocked! connie is the lady who was previously over me in my filing position. and she's short, redhaired, really can be annoying.... but i laughed and said, "no i'm not her granddaughter!" i also said that i'm not related to anyone there at steve regan company. i told him, thank god i'm not related to connie! :D lol that would be almost as bad as my own grandma. but he seemed very relieved to hear i wasn't at all related. cuz he had heard some rumors that i was. but then he was like, okay. and then walked back to the ware house. so then, about twenty minutes later, he came back and said, "so what are you doing friday?" and i said," hmm... fridaY?" and i just thought for two seconds. and he said, "do you have plans already?" and i said, " no, i'm just trying to be sure of i dont'." and he said " okay, so we should do something friday." and i said "yeah, definitely." and he said "okay, so i'll talk to you tomorrow. i'm leaving." i said "okay. bye." and he said 'bye.' lol it took him long enough!!! :D but he asked me out. i'm good! i think this is way funny! but i am excited for friday!! i can't wait!!

but yeah...this has been interesting. to say the least. so now the real wait is over of whether or not he's gonna ask me out. so when i get pics of him, i will post them on here, once i figure that out too! cuz i think he's cute! oh and my sister and mom didnt' really like that he's 26. but you know what? i don't care. i'm an adult now and i can make my own responsible decisions. that kind of sounded whiny. what i meant to say is that i am an adult. i am capable of making responsible decisions. i know when something could be dangerous or risky. but the things in life worth going for mean taking risks. like someone once said, one can never possibly know how far one can go, until one risks going too far. so here i go. it takes a risk in trusting anyone. but i do trust robert. i don't know him altogether too well, but just the way he acts makes me think he's an okay guy. well, very much more than okay cuz he's way cute!! :D lol not biased at all! :D

but yeah enough rambling about boys! that's all for now! :D

average jane signing off! :p

boys and their silly ways... :D

so an update i believe is in order as so much has happened since i last wrote. well, not a lot, but quite some funny things.

so to begin, well, let's start with robert. well, so i mentioned last time that he asked if i had a boyfriend. well, that was thursday. then on friday. the 15th, he came up during the day and asked me how old i was. i told him,"18." then he kind of went, 'oh,' kind of like oh, that's young. but so i found it funny that now i was 18 yrs old, i was still too young in some sense for some things. lol. but, so i just was like whatever. then on monday, he really didn't say anything, and by the night when i went home, i was kind of like, whatever happens, i don't care. cuz it's not like i know the guy really well, and it's like we've barely talked as it is. but yeah... so then i went into work today. and let me preface myself by saying, robert had, i thought, one football jersey that he wears to work everyday, along with a baseball hat. but today, he wore a polo shirt that was blue and yellow striped. so i mentioned to him, 'so you wore something other than your football jersey? what, did you have to wash it?' i did this in a jokingly manner. he kind of laughed like, oh i had that coming. but he said he had several football jerseys that he wore. but he also wasn't wearing his hat. his hair was curly. it was cute. like he'd done his hair that morning, instead of just throwing on a hat over it. i must admit that i didn't recognize him at first without the hat and football jersey. it was terribly funny to me, when i realized that it was robert. he he... but so on to the other things that happened today. well, he came up to me once during the day and asked, 'so is 26 too old for you?' and i kind of was like, 'umm....no.' and he said 'it's too old for you..' i said 'no, it's not too old.' and he seemed satisfied. so then i found this altogether way too funny to keep to myself. so i went and told darren, a married guy like in his 30s or 40s that i work with. i told him all that had happened. and so he said, "so the next question is, 'so what are you doing thursday night?'" and i just laughed. so.... then robert came up later and asked me, ' if i asked you out, would you say yes, or would you say no?' and i told him i'd say yes. and he said, okay. then he went back to the ware house. then i told darren, 'the next question was, "if i asked you out, would you say yes or would you say no?"' and he just laughed. but then just before darren left he asked if robert had said anything. and i said no. so it's kind of funny... maybe tomorrow he might actually ask me out! :D that'd be funny...

but yeah. that's what's been going on in my life. nothing much else except for the fact that i've been driving my little sister crazy by watching pride and prejudice over and over, when i can. but lol it's been great.

so actually, theres a part of me still not sure about robert, like he's funny and cute, but i don't really know him yet and he doesn't really know me. but i guess if we went on a date we'd get a chance to know each other. that is if he ever does ask me on a date....hmm... well, we'll just have to see where this all leads...

average jane signing off...(robert makes me smile :D really big! )

cute new boys at work!! :D

so hey, like i mentioned in an earlier post, i got the full time job and i am loving it. it's really not interrupting my life altogether too much right now. and the bonus of it all that i found out today....the owner, steve harmsen, will pay my tuition for college!! and i get my books free cuz my mom works at the bookstore at slcc. so basically there might be a few fees, but otherwise, i am set for college. now i know there was so a reason i took this job. not only would it be good pay, but it would literally be paying for college to work there. honestly, this is the first i've heard of it and i'm amzed. but yeah... well other news.

so there's this cute guy at work named robert. he works in the warehouse dept. but so i officially met him, like in asking him his name like two days ago. but, so we have talked and joked. and done the whole little smile at each other for the past few days. but then today he was up front getting sumthin, and he was like, 'so amy, do you have a boyfriend?' and i didnt' hear him at first so i said huh? and he repeated his question and i said, 'no.' and he kind of looked glad to hear that and acted partially interested. but then he went back to the warehouse, and ended up coming back like 20 min. later. he hung around for a sec. looking like he wanted to talk to me. but i had blake on one side of me, a customer across the counter and like two other ppl by me. and so he kind of left. so i think he may have come to ask me out, then chickened out. or decided to wait til later. but then we closed, and we all headed out, all gone by half an hour later. so yeah. but he's cute, and it's funny, cuz he has some crazy ex-girlfriend that tries to call him at work sometimes. lol anyhoo...

well that's all for today.

average jane signing off...

babbling about boys and nothing in particular....

so not much really to write... but still having issues with my friend to be married. i thought that maybe i could resolve them and i thought that when we hung out a week ago, that it would be better. but if anything, it made me realize that things really won't ever be the same. i am not even sure i can handle being more than just sort of friends. cuz i know that we won't ever be best friends again. it's just not possible. too much has happened between us and we've both grown apart in the past few months... but i guess that's how life is. it's going to be okay... i really don't know why i don't feel more broken up about this. maybe cuz i saw it coming. and that in the end, i really am just a loner. someone who likes to be on my own without ppl to mess things up.

but i think i'm gonna move up in my job at steve regan company. the lady who does the hiring talked to me today, and kind of alluded to that. but we'll see next week she said.

graduation is this friday and i finally sent out invitations yesterday. i know, i procrastinate a lot. but those who are already coming didn't really need to get one, but it's more of a formality... so yeah. but i sent some to friends that will either be graduating with me or won't be coming anyways, but just wanted to send a friendly invitation to say that i consider them a friend...but yeah. well, now i'm jsut babbling.

but, so i'm watching harry potter 3 for the thirty millionth time. no surprise, cuz i love that movie. but hmm.... i just think harry potter is really hot...lol his real name is daniel radcliffe. but i also find orlando bloom really gorgeous too.

so i've been thinking about darion a lot lately. in fact i dreamt about him too. and the thing is i haven't seen him at all since sunday. which is odd, but at the same time not cuzit's the end of school and i'm not at school much. but i wonder why i keep thinking about him. i don't know. it's not like he's made any move to show that he wants anything other than friendship. and like my friend said, "i don't chase boys, boys chase me." i want to think that...but here i am pining over a guy who it appears doesn't want to be more than friends...cuz he isn't making any move. so i guess...yup my life is just normal and kind of sucks in the romance department. surprise, not....

a second, or is it like fourth, chance...

so maybe once again i'm setting myself up to be disappointed by darion....but i really can't lose him. he means a lot to me. it's just been hell not really talking to him these past few days. so today after school i was driving to meet nathan and lydia at the library. i drove through my neighborhood and saw darion. i said hi and told him to get in the car and that i wanted to talk to him. so he hopped in. and i told him that i was more upset that at another friend and that she had not really followed plans we had on sat. and i just kind of took it out on him. he was an easy target. and so i felt kind of stupid just sittin there and telling him this while we sat in his driveway. but i had to. and i said i was upset that he acts like he doesn't like me, when he tells me he does. and he told me that at the point that i got up and left the dance for a moment, was just the time he got up to dance with me. (i had asked him to dance and he said no..so i asked again and got mad when he said no. i didn't look at him and left the room.) so i must not have noticed it. so i guess i let my emotions get in the way once again. and i know i look stupid just going back to him when he's kind of bounced back and forth. but then again. this time it was me overreacting. he really is a good guy...and i can't help that i like him so much. even though i tried to move on, i can't ....so here i go again. silly me...
(oh btw, darion's foster mom wants me to be a math tutor for him and his brothers....lol)
but so i give darion yet another chance....
averagejane signing off...(hope it will all work out...)

lost and confused

so i went to young womens tonight. and it was a combined activity with the guys. and i saw darion there. i even helped him with some things, like with the scripture mastery stuff. i'm pro at that. :D but then after we got all our things done, we went out and sat on the couch. and darion said, what's wrong? and i said, oh nothing. but he said no really. what's wrong? so i said i was confused. and he asked why. and i told him that one week he was all telling me he loved me. then the next he was all like, hey. and not as close. so i said i was confused. then he said nothing. so i said well, i'm gonna go outside and get some air. he said, do you want me to come with you? i said, if you want to. and so we went outside. and he and sorta talked. like about what if i could live anywhere outside of the US, where would i live, or would i not leave? and i said, somewhere in Europe. maybe italy or france or england. and i said i just want to see Europe and the world. and he said that's funny. and i said why is that funny, cuz it's not normal? and he said, no. he said, cuz i've been dreaming of traveling lately. and i totally was shocked. cuz it was funny that he totally gets my wanting to travel. and we talked of how in russia i only needed to see the st. peter's cathedral. (oh and the peterhoff palace i believe it's called) but then i could skip the rest of russia. but we talked about that and then we went and got brownies and ice cream. but then, we came back out and we weren't alone anymore. cuz other girls joined us. and then nick joined. but then at around 5 to 9 pm, i got up to leave and so did darion. he had to be home around 9 like me. but then we crossed the street and darion said he had to get home. and so he put his arms out to give me a hug. and i gave him a short hug. and he said, see you later. and i said whatever. he looked confused and said what's all that about? i said, you still haven't explained anything. so he said tomorrow morning. i'll explain. and i said when tomorrow morning? he said he'd be by my house around 7:05. so i'll be leaving earlier than i have in months. but i just want to hear what the deal is. whether we're just friends or more. i need to know.
but i guess what's the hardest about all this, is that when it's jsut me and darion, i see the real him. how he's so smart and so much more than "just a pretty face." he really is a great guy. and i think maybe this past week he's been having to deal with the fact that once again the ppl who were supposed to adopt him, may not. they're not sure. and i could tell it's a total blow to darion. i think this is the third time this has happened. sure he didn't really want to become mr. mormon boy. but i think he would have done it to be in a family. and that bites that once again it looks like it may not go through. when he said it, it literally broke my heart. for the thirtieth time. but i guess there's not much i can do about it. except just be his friend. i can't stop being that. cuz he's amzing. even if a little crazy sometimes.

anyhoo, so yeah. there's more explaination to my situation. or actually an update is more what it is. but i guess tomorrow i get to find out what darion means. either way i just need to know.

average jane signing off ( ignorance is bliss...somedays...)

an explanation and more news!

so i guess now is as good a time as any to explain something. well, so i mentioned in an earlier post about how boys are stupid. well, tha's true in and of itself most times. but, so the guy i mentioned that said he loved me. well, i really didn't take it as too serious beyond the fact that he possibly liked me in that way. so i kind of just started to let myself like him again. not too far... i still was okay. just enough to get hurt when i found out that it was just like last time. i'm just a backup plan. stupid and pointless. anyhoo, let me explain in more depth.

so first some background. well, darion is a foster boy. he lives in a house with 3 other guys. one of them is named jay. he went out with a girl sophie. she cheated on him, so he cheated on her. they broke up. then they got back together cuz she said she was done cheating on him. then jay cheated on her. they broke up.

anyhoo, so it appears that last region dance, darion asked sophie to go out with him.. she said she'd think about it even though she already had a boyfriend, unbeknownst to darion. he found out when she told him she didn't want to go out with him. this all happened when i was in cali. then i guess, when he was rejected he turned his affections towards me. but, i didnt' know this until this past sunday...heard it from another friend. and then just the past week he's not been really talking to me as much or anything...so yeah... but really i'm okay. i guess i should have seen it comin. and maybe a part of me did, cuz it's really not so bad when i heard it.

but yeah. and i think maybe my friend and i have kind of patched things up...i think we'll be okay...

anyhoo, i'm really in a good mood. i kind of played hooky from work and went and visited steph cuz she's sick. it was good to talk to her. we might not go to senior breakout at t-ville, we might do the kearns one... cuz it's at kearns oquirrh park fitness center and will have food, a slip n' slide, games, movies! sounds like fun, plus it's like 10 or 15 dollars cheaper than t-ville's!! :D anyhoo, i'm gonna quit now and go to the library. luv you all! :D

average jane signing off!! :D

darion makes me happy, yet confused...

last night i had a dream...about darion. and you all know that dreams often are either our subconcious telling us something or something that is really on our mind. well, obviously darion is on my mind... :D

so my dream...well, i was in california. that much i remember. i don't know why cali, but i was there with darion. i had gotten there by plane. that i remember... but, we were in a church and darion was being the usher(the person who passes out the church programs of the meeting, for those who don't know what i mean...) and so i sat by him for a bit. i couldn't sit by him for very long cuz my parents were there at the church too and i think expected me to sit by them. but just sitting by him, i could really feel he liked me and we just talked. it was cool. and then i got up for something, and randomly this girl liz that, in the dream, was some ex-girlfriend of his in cali, came up to him and she hugged him. and i got oober jealous. tha's really all i remember.

but this is the first time in a long time that i've dreamt about a guy i like. the last one i dreamt about was a good friend that it turns out doesn't like me as more than a friend... and then before that dave...so i guess it's like making me realize how much i like him. i only dream about those that are seriously on my mind and i can't stop thinking about. Darion has been on my mind a lot in the past week. ever since he told me he loved me....i hope he means it. cuz i'm realizing just how far i've come to rely on him, and how far i've fallen for him. didn't do too well protecting my heart this time. oh well, my new saying is, (like my screen name for messenger..) "life is pain. anyone who says differently is selling something." that's a line off of princess bride. but i guess it's not all pain. there is some good mixed in with the pain. like friends...i have two i know will always be there to listen to me if i need to vent, to share my happy news with, to cry with, to laugh with, (even across the net. it's so still possible.) but also, i like the new linkin park song. i'm posting it like right now....

but so i'm seriously hoping that things develop between me and darion. i could use some positive stuff in my life...cuz choir is just bringing me down, no matter how hard i try to just keep above it...mmmm.. darion, happy thoughts....well i'm tired and it's time for me to be in bed. i have to perform tomorrow....ugh....wait happy thoughts...spencer-makes me laugh, darion-makes me happy and smile.... :D love you both so much

average jane signing off... (it's now 10:14 and i'm so exhausted...)

life is pain and you get over it

so now i'm already finding out some repurcussions of what happened today between me and mrs. t.....i heard it caused her to have a bad day and that a lot of ppl were crying. i didn't mean for it to blow up like this....not at all... but i don't go back on anything i did. i simply was voicing the thoughts that i'd had for a long time. maybe i could have been nicer, but if i hadn't have said these things, i would have blown up worse... but now i've got a member of graces crying. our president. i heard it from a friend that has T after me... can i just say i hate life. a whole part of me is dreading going to graces tomorrow morning. cuz i don't want to get the dirty looks and glares i know that i'm gonna get tomorrow. i dont' want to deal with that shit...i've already had enough. i've already cried enough. man i hate high school and can't wait to be rid of it....too much drama....teachers that don't treat us like adults....or equals. we have ideas and are bright and smart, and sometimes they treat us like we're two. some ppl deserve that cuz that is how they act....but, some really try to get their point across and teachers just lazily push it aside... i hate it....

well, so my night was going okay for once at young womens even though i hate it. then i came home and started talking to a friend and it got all the whole issue of today back up... but at opening exercises of young womens/young mens.... i saw darion. he got to conduct the meeting...lol but might i say he looked incredibly hot. i don't know what it was about him... maybe jsut the simple jean shorts and loose white tee. just the simpleness of it all. and he was just so cute. i wanted to just hug him for like forever. he gives the greatest hugs....and then he gave me a hug when the guys and girls separated. a really amzing hug. gosh i really like him. he's a sweetheart...i really think that this time he won't hurt me. really. and i guess this is just saying that i'm going for it! i'll talk to him on sunday for a while and who knows what will happen??!!! lol :D i'm just gonna focus on that right now to make me happy... :D

average jane signing off....( i'm moving past my issues and forgeting guys that don't like me as i like them.... i'm moving on to guys that like me, a lot *wink*, and that i really like back...)

how do you let go?

what do you do when you really like someone but find out they don't like you in that way? i thought that i was expert in this, as this is the story of my life...but then when i hang out with this guy, he does and says things that make me wonder...like maybe he just told me that we were just friends to save face....i dunno. cuz i know they say that you really should just forget it and move on. but i can't. it's way complicated. cuz there are so many emotions tied up in this crush. don't ask me why. and this guy makes me laugh. a lot... wish i knew a way to get a guy to tell his real feelings....like a truth spell or sumthin. it would make life so much easier. but the hardest part of this is that i'm too chicken to say anything else to him for fear that maybe it'll make things worse. however, this friend means a great deal to me...and without him to make me laugh and be my friend and just listen...life would basically suck. so i guess i have to find a way to move on..it really bites, but i guess for my sanity, i need to....god, life sucks somedays.

but i'm okay. really

average jane signing off....( trying to move on but not wanting to)