i love him

so yeah here i am again...life is...hmm... life is just....life. it's okay, not bad, but not fantastic. just here. just existing. but yeah...is it normal to think of just one guy...so much that when you pass other guys on the street, cute ones, that you don't really thing of anyone but that one guy. seriously. i think of him all the time, love to be around him.

........................................................................................................................................


well, so this is like half a day later. so that special someone came to work a bit late cuz he went to some performance thing of his daughter's. but he walked in, and my knees just about gave out...he looked so....amazing. he normally i think is very hot. but he just was all spiffed up in a nice shirt, jeans, nice shoes, a cool leather jacket, and his hair had been cut. wow! is the only way i could describe my reaction. then he came over to my desk to say hi. and of course he had to smell incredible! lol... just wow. then even when he got on his work shirt and such, he still looked amazing. maybe i'm just biased cuz i love him. lol :D but i dont' care. he's just so incredible. i can't believe that he loves me. i can't believe how lucky i am....lol

well, i gotta go actually get some work done...

average jane signing off...

a public thank you

hey i am okay. i'm just not gonna have expectations for anyone anymore. once again it's just that friends disappoint. mabye it's partly me just getting to emotional. ... and im just disappointed in guys in general. i've let myself be disappointed for far too long. it's time i face up to reality. and i really am gonna try this time. so i'm kind of just gonna be acquaintances/friends with most ppl, and nothing more. except for those i truly know that can stand the trials and such of friendship. one that comes to mind is nathan. nathan and i have gone through our share of trials and i know that nothing can change us being best friends. i don't talk to him as much as i would like. but i just know that he's always there and truly cares. i've thought so this way with so many others over my life so far, but i was wrong almost every time. and with another friend, he's also just always there, making sure i'm okay. sending me emails. doing what he can to make sure i'm okay. others may say that's creepy as we've never met, but somedays, it's totally what i need. i want to feel accepted and loved, no matter how hard i try to say i can make it on my own. and he makes me feel accepted, appreciated...

this isn't a post to point fingers or criticize. it's simply to say that i'm grateful for the two ppl in my life that i really trust most and know that will always be there for me. an email from one of them really got me to writing this, because i was explaining part of this to them. but yeah. so i really am okay. i'm moving on, yet holding on to my dear friends....

average jane signing off.( friends are truly angels...)