hickeys...he he

Lol so here i am at work. i know i probably should not be goofin off on the net...but i just thought i'd blog a sec. lol



so let's just say that i have a few lovely little hickeys..lol not the first time. but i got one of the funniest responses today, from a customer. lol just to explain a little, i have a few along the line of my neck/collarbone...hehe... and i actually am wearing a higher collared shirt so they don't show as much. but the the collar keeps slippin a bit low.anyhoo, so this guy says to me, " did you get attacked by a vacuum?" lol i just kinda laughed and said " somethin like that." lol then he said, "nasty little suckers." lol it really made me laugh. he didn't say anything else, and then went on his way. so i assume he knew that they were hickeys...lol but yeah... that was my laugh for the day..

i think i've had some funny responses the last time i got a major hickey or two...lol i had the ladies in my office making fun of me..lol my favorite has to be Connie's reaction. She is probably late 50's to mid 60s...and she said to me, " back in my day, we would get them where you couldn't see them, where you could hide them." lol that totally made me laugh. i mean, jsut imagining her having to even need to hide a hickey! lol to be honest, i could see it...lol but it's just too dang funny...

oh yeah...then today, the ladies noticed somewhat of my current hickeys...lol made some comment about "did you notice the little trail on her neck?" lol kind of said it a bit softer than normal...lol but just almost a stage whisper...like to see if i noticed them lol it was funny.

lol oh and then i was telling my friend Callie, here at work, about the guy's reaction from this morning. and she said i should tell my boyfriend that real love doesn't need to leave a mark...lol it was cute! i might tell him that. :D then i told callie that well, i'm half to blame...hehe. anyhoo...lol

well that's all for now...good times :D i'm lucky today cuz my boyfriend is coming by to take me to lunch! yay! can't wait to see him! well, 'til later!

averagejane signing off

life is good! :D

once again i had the time of my life. mostly just because i was with jay. any time i can spend with him is the best...he is the best thing to happen to me. i'm so freakin lucky!!! lol

so today what did we do...lol we went to the clark planetarium and watched one of their IMAX shows. we have a duo membership there, so we figured why not use it. and i got to chose what we saw. lol we watched a film on mummies. it was way cool!!! i was so intrigued and would have loved to know more...lol must be my inner geek coming out. lol i try to repress it lol but i don't have to when i'm with jay, cuz he is just as geeky or more!! lol not that its a bad thing! i love it. because i don't feel like i have to explain things like 5 times until they get it. but yah...we had his sister kellyann along with us and she got bored i think watching it. lol but i had a blast! then we dragged poor jay along with us to some other stores lol. he's such a good sport. lol then we stopped in one of my fav. stores and jay loves it too. lol Barnes and Noble bookstore! lol gotta love books. it took all my will not to leave with an armful of books! lol we kind of teased jay by taking him into the astrology section, knowing full well he hates horoscopes and astrology...lol he was a good sport! lol we didn't stay there too long. lol but it's great that we have a mutual love of books! lol :D then we went on to bath and body works and we left after a bit cuz the mixed smells were getting to us both ... oh, then we decided to go to temple square lol. and the moment we walked in the gates, we were ambushed by this old gentleman that volunteers there . lol yes i mean ambush. like we had walked inside and been barely inside two seconds and he was like hi!!! have you been here before? lol but it was all good. and we ended up taking a tour. it was actually kinda cool..lol

but overall i think the best thing was just having jay near. i mean i was content to just walk along with his hand in mine, or his arms around me. i was comfortable and i didn't care who was looking. i feel comfortable in who i am and who i was with. most often, before me and jay were going out...i would just feel awkward somewhat on dates and uncomfortable with the guys...even though i liked them. like i was okay when it was just us, or with friends, but when i was out in public, it was awkward to me. i know it sounds weird...but that is how it was. then whenever i'm with jay, it's like none of that matters. i'm just with him and i don't seem to care much anymore. some things like us swinging our entertwined hands and skipping, lol, were totally me coming out of my bubble...but that is normal lol. though today it was fun actually lol :D lol anyhoo...so then, jay dropped me back at my house around 6 pm...lol we had been together for around 6 hours... :D but then we lingered on the doorstep. i didn't want him to go, and he didn't want to go either...lol :D i really am falling for him...:) life is great. it really is all going fantabulous~! can't wait to see him again...lol

well, laters...

averagejane floating off! :D

lovin life

*sigh* i don't think my life could be any more perfect than it is right now. i've got the best guy in the world...a job that is amzing....amzing friends...just everything is perfect. i don't feel like my life is just spiraling off into nowhere, like it has often over the last year or so. i would look at where i had been and mentally slapped myself. how did i get into the dumbest situations. you know...i will tell you. i was tryin so hard to break out of my "bubble", so trying to shock others, or prove them wrong, that i really wasn't choosing the things i really wanted, that i knew could not bring me anything but happiness. i chose the things i thought would make me happy, but that only lasted temporarily and i constantly set myself up for disappointment. but now i feel i've finally broke out of that pattern, come off that path. my life has taken a turn for the better, heck the best!!! my life could not possibly be much better than this.

two songs come to mind. one is called "i'm only me when i'm with you" by taylor swift. i love that song....just go on yahoo music to listen to it. but the part that i love is the chorus..." i'm only up when you're not down, don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground..." it's just cute...lol i've decided this song for various reasons is my song for jay...i mean he's never down! so that means i'm always happy. he makes me happy. i don't think i've felt this giddy and happy and floating on cloud nine! i don't think i could ever not want to be with him. and it also feels like i've known himf forever and that we have been dating longer than just almost a week. maybe that is cuz we have seen each other literally every night this week...lol or day as the case may be...lol and each time the only thing making it any easier to let him go, is the thought that i will see him in a few hours...lol well, sometimes more than a few. but still lol :D yeah...i feel so freaking lucky to have found a guy like this. i can't believe i am this lucky. he tells me he thinks he is luckier to have me, and i just say, i think i am so much luckier. how did i get such a cute, good looking!, sweet, adorable guy to be with me!?!?! lol yeah i really am lucky...and one thing i know for sure in this world....everything happens for a reason. and at the moment, i don't know why i got this lucky. but i do know that my previous relationships, even though they were crappy, had to happen so that i really could appreciate this great guy i have. jay is the sweetest guy i could ever hope for. i hope to not lose him...

but now that i have sufficiently babbled on about just jay...lol now i should probably mention what we did!~! lol we went to an improv show first off...well, that was after day murray music lol. but i loved the improv show! it was hilarious and i can't wait to go back next friday! lol me and jay have already planned that!! :D yay i think it's one of the times i have laughed the hardest in a long time.

then we decided to get something to eat when we got out. lol it was like 9 pm or 930, so we didn't eat until like 10 lol but then we hung at jay's house and him being a good guy (lol :D ) had to make sure i was home before midnight... i stalled a few times lol....he he ...he he...ha. but yah funny stuff...but lets just say that once again, jay amazed me at how amazing he is....

so i finally came home at 11:30 ish...and stalled more on the porch..lol (just one more jay...lol he he : D ) but i just couldn't resist....i had the greatest guy in the world in my arms...would you want to let go if you had the best person in the world with you? :) anyhoo...

well, i should go to sleep! i get to see him in 11 hours and 42 minutes!~~ :D yay!!! *kisses to my guy*

avearagejane floating away on cloud nine

oh p.s.. lol i forgot to mention the other song in my head. it's called "some hearts" by carrie underwood...the part really sticking with me is " i've never been the kind that you call lukcy,always stumblin around in circles, but i must have stumbled into something. look at me am i really alone with you...." lol *floats away...*

what a great day! :D

wow! i just had a really good night. it actually was a good afternoon into night. lol i ended up hangin out with my friend, elise, and jsut talking about guys and whatever else came to mind...lol then we decided it was okay for me to invite jay to hang with us...about a half hour or so later he shows up at the park we were at...lol then my friend decided to split and me and jay did some geocaching! lol he's got me hooked on that now. its really way fun! we did four around the area, and as we were finishing the last one, it was about time that the sun was setting so we just sat on the trunk of his car and watched the sunset. it was comfortable in his arms...lol oh did i mention we had kind of begun dating? lol but then i said to him at one point about how i was amzed he wasn't sick of me yet after seeing me like most every night of the week but like two nights! lol well, he just made this really cute comment lol then he told me he was kind of wanting this to be more permanent. i said that sounds great. so it's official! me and jay are going out...lol tomorrow he is going to give me his class ring to wear...lol how cute is that?!?!?! so oldfashioned and incredibly cute. lol

well i oughta get to bed as i have work tomorrow!!! he he...laters! : D

update pt. 1

so i guess it's time for an update...lol it's been a crazy while. lol

yeah so the previous entry. i know what you all think happened and let me say...yea it happened and it was hella fun...lol worth it even though the next morning i really just wanted to sleep! lol but just so that there isn't any doubt, here is an account of the event! lol

so thurs. april 24th, a friend at work came up to me, his name is j., and asked what i was doin that night. i told him i had a short class then pretty much nothing. so he asked me if i wanted to go to a Jazz game that night and i told him sure. lol it was funny cuz i remember him being all like flustered lol. but anyhoo...we kept in contact for the rest of the day and i ended up skipping my ASL final to get to the game early for dinner and such. lol but so i met him and his roomie and his roomie's girlfriend at j.'s place. then we drove up together in j's roomie's car. it was pretty cool lol. but i liked his friend and the girlfriend. they were cool and nice to me. it was cool because i could tell that they both were the ones who had been popular in high school, a crowd i hadn't run with. so to just be accepted as is was really cool for me. anyhoo...gettin on a tangent. once we got the Delta center, now called the Energy Solutions arena, we went and got our tickets and such and i found out we were in the season ticket holders section!! lol and we got the VIP stuff like dinner and a free shirt, etc. but so we all got somethin to eat and i settled while they went off to get some beer. there was unlimited beer with the VIP dinner. the funny part is that j. came back with a beer for me. lol he just comes up behind me and says, " i got you a heineken." lol i laughed on the inside. i guess he just thought that 1) i was old enough to drink and 2) that i did drink. lol it was way cool. so i drank it. then as we went to go into the game, j. asked if i wanted another one. lol i said sure. so then we went and watched the game! it was a blast. i found out after j. asked me to go to the game that it was the first playoff game. that made me even more excited to go. then to have fantastic seats on the 6th row, wow it was a good night to start with. then i was in good company with j. but about8-10 min before halftime, i really had to pee~ hee hee. i know TMI. but it was funny to me. cuz then at halftime i had to go a gain... anyhoo. also at halftime, we made our way back to where we had dinner and got some more beer. i think j. had like 3 more. i had one more. that was plenty for me. i took it back to the game. then we finished watching the game! damn it was a close game!!! i loved it it was so intense!

the game finished around 11:30 pm. we were all so high on the game and of course the beer. :D but then we headed back to j. and his roomie's place. i ended up staying there with j. for about 2 more hours and then his roomie, b., went to his girlfriend's place. it was a blast. i watched some family guy! it was my first time really watching it and i loved it. hee hee. it was funny. but then about partway through our hangout, he kissed me...lol he's a good kisser...we kissed a bit, i'll leave it at that. :D i finally left his place at around 2:30 am. got home about 3 am.

the next day at work, i was tired. no duh! and i really feel bad cuz i was kind of a bitch at work! he he i think it was a mixture of lack of sleep and my first three beers all in one night! yeah crazy mix!

well i'll finish this update in a bit...gotta close up work! :D

average jane signing off....

i love him

so yeah here i am again...life is...hmm... life is just....life. it's okay, not bad, but not fantastic. just here. just existing. but yeah...is it normal to think of just one guy...so much that when you pass other guys on the street, cute ones, that you don't really thing of anyone but that one guy. seriously. i think of him all the time, love to be around him.

........................................................................................................................................


well, so this is like half a day later. so that special someone came to work a bit late cuz he went to some performance thing of his daughter's. but he walked in, and my knees just about gave out...he looked so....amazing. he normally i think is very hot. but he just was all spiffed up in a nice shirt, jeans, nice shoes, a cool leather jacket, and his hair had been cut. wow! is the only way i could describe my reaction. then he came over to my desk to say hi. and of course he had to smell incredible! lol... just wow. then even when he got on his work shirt and such, he still looked amazing. maybe i'm just biased cuz i love him. lol :D but i dont' care. he's just so incredible. i can't believe that he loves me. i can't believe how lucky i am....lol

well, i gotta go actually get some work done...

average jane signing off...

A humongous update!! :D

a lot has gone on recently. i guess i've just been too lazy to tell it all...so now i have the time plus the motivation.

so, friday was an interesting day that began most of it. that would be october 5th. the day of my friend steph's wedding. well, so after work and in between going to her reception, i went to walmart with my sister. while there i saw my friend, jay funk, who i haven't really seen or talked to in like a year or so. he lives in my neighborhood, but because we both have lives and he has a full time job at desert star, where i used to work, we rarely see each other. but i have to admit that i really had a crush on him while i worked with him. he's only like 3 or 4 yrs. older than me. and seeing him again made me realize that i still have a crush on him. and can i jsut say that he gives great hugs!! i could just melt in his hugs... but we talked a bit and then i had to go. but we exchanged phone numbers...

so then it was time for stephs reception. so i threw on a skirt, then went to harmons for a card. it took me forever to find the right one that didn't seem all formal and old people-ish. and finally i found the perfect one. it said something along the lines of " i now pronounce you pookie and shnookums." and on the inside,"awww..." that totally fit steph and dave. cuz there was a time when steph was trying out pet names for dave. and we had names like shnookums and such. it was a riot. and dave's face each time we tried a new name was funny... lol so i got that card. then i went to the reception. i managed to get there right when steph was throwing the bouquet. she saw me come in and yelled at me to get over there. lol so i thought okay i can do this. cuz i have to admit that i was terribly worried how things would be. so then i kind of stepped back while the whole wedding group got some pics taken. and i was gonna go sit down at a table. but then looking over, i knew maybe two ppl there. and i wasn't sure how things were with them. and that's when i started to get teary eyed. cuz it was weird that a place that i used to feel was like my second home, now i felt so out of place in. and that's one of the worst things for me is to feel out of place. or not accepted. but the second thing didnt' apply this time.

so then i went through the line, and i gave sharon, steph's little sister a hug. then i went to stephs parents. and they made me feel good all over. cuz her dad is just like, "hey amybird!" (that name is an inside joke, that turned to our special thing) and then he acted like we had never met and said, "hi i'm the father of the bride," then turning to his wife, "and this is my wife." lol i shook their hands and played along with it. i love stephs parents beyond anything. they are my fav. but then i talked to steph and then on to dave's mom. she introduced herself and said that she thought she might have met me before. and i said yeah that i'd hung out with dave sometimes at their house. i didn't think it tactful to mention i had gone out with him, seein as he just got married. not that it mattered that we dated as we really just ended up friends. but yeah. then i talked to nathan, my bestest friend who was the best man. and i said and you are? and he introduced himself like we had never met. then he gave me a hug and said, "i don't normally hug strangers, but i have a feeling abt this." lol that really made me laugh. we chatted a minute then i just had to go. cuz i guess i had come hoping that everything would be back to normal. somehow. but then just being there and seeing how happy steph was, was just a reminder that nothing would be the same anymore. so neeedless to say, by the time i got to the parking lot, tears were streaming down my cheeks. i've always wondered abt when they say tears streaming down their cheeks. well, that's how it was. the tears just came. and i guess i made it worse driving home cuz i had a song playing called "for good" from the musical wicked. and one part really hit me. there is a part that says, (Elphaeba singing) "and just to clear the air i ask forgiveness for the things i've done you've blamed me for." (Glinda) "but then i guess we know there's blame to share, " (both) "and none of it seems to matter any more." so that reminded me of how steph and i had realized that we both had made stupid decisions and that ended our friendship. and i guess i wish i could say it doesn't matter anymore. but the fact is it does. cuz, nothing will be the same again. and i lost a best friend. and no matter how i try things wont' be the same. and a good portion of that is due to how i've changed over the summer. i have made more friends. but not to say they will ever replace my friendship with steph, but i've adapted and no longer will ever have one sole friendship that i rely on. cuz if things go sour, then it won't hurt as much, cuz it's not like my whole life is with that person.

well, now i got off on a tangent... so as i was driving home, i found out that my friend jay has a girlfriend so i was like oh. whatev. then i get a random text from my friend art. well, to make a long story short, he asked if i had a crush. and i told him i had two. and then he asked who they were. then asked if he were one of them. and so i told him that yes he was. and turns out he kinda likes me too. but i guess he's worried a bit about the whole dating some one from work. so yah. but i ran into him at walmart on saturday. and my sister was with me and she said that he definitely likes me! lol so that boosted me. but then when i came to work on monday, it was just like things were normal. but yeah. we might hang this weekend.

so then i hung with holly on sunday night and we just had a talk abt art and life and everything else. it was good. and i think what i really needed. good times... :)

but then lets see...oh the point of the above paragraph. well, while hangin with holly i was texting a friend cody. and then at one point i told him abt holly and he said i should hook them up. then i told him to ask chris about holly. so then he actually asked someone else about holly and they told cody she wasnt cute at all. and i got offended. so between this on monday and last night, tuesday, cody got the idea that i was mad at him, when i'm not. i'm just kind of mad at the person who said this abt. holly, most likely cuz she's a bit overweight, but freakin gorgeous, i think. anyhoo, so he texts me last night abt all this. well, so i tell him i'm not mad at him. and clear up this misunderstanding. then he said, btw you owe me a massage. and this was all from an earlier conversation. so i said, lol i'll give you that massage when you finally ask me out! ( cuz he keeps saying he'll ask me out. but just makes excuses.) then he replied, i'll ask you out if you dont deny me when i kiss you. so i replied, well i might be able to make that compromise...we'll see if you ask me out! so then he said, If you promise ill ask you out this weekend. so that totally caught me off guard. cuz he's been making excuses for weeks and now he's saying that he'll ask me out this weekend. so i had to think for a bit and acutally got advice from holly. so what i ended up telling him that i wouldn't deny him if he kissed me. but i told him if that's all he wanted from me then i would deny him. cuz i don't get down like that. never again. so we have that settled. but he has yet to ask me out. but if he doesnt' ask me out by thursday, i'll say no cuz i'll have plans of some sort. so as not to appear easy. cuz i'm not.

so yeah. that's abt what is all happening!! wow, that's a lot. so yeah...

well, there is this group called t.A.T.u. that i absolutely love and i just got their first CD. cuz i like it best. and there is this song called "all the things she said." and it's the song on my mind now cuz my mind keeps goin over everything art and cody said. like i don't think i like cody much anymore, except that he's cute and can be nice. and it would be fun to go out with him... but yeah... i'm just looking for casual dating. and it would be that with cody.
so yeah...

average jane signing off..

ps. btw cody smells really good, today especially. lol he just walked past me...mmmm..

EDIT: so after posting this all, i just had somethin else i was reminded to post. cuz i have to say that there is actually one guy that i like but dont' pursue anything with beyond friends. cuz he's already got a girlfriend. and she's so nice and sweet that i wouldn't think of even doin anything to get between them even if i could. (his name is casey, btw) but he's just way cute and just the right look that really makes me sigh. then art also has that look too...but just not the same as casey...*sigh*

i love life! he hee

so, the funniest thing happened yesterday. so i was at work and my dad comes in to tell me they had dropped off the car for me to get home, cuz they had dropped me off at work. but then my mom comes in and says she thought she might as well see where i work while she's here. so of course i have to introduce her to all my wonderful friends at work. so i take her to pumps dept. to meet callie, and i tell my mom callie is my favorite. but then my dad who has already met most everyone says that i have to have mom meet Art, a guy back in pumps dept. who is a good friend and i kind of have a crush on. so, i go back to the shop to see if hes there, but he isn't. so then i just come back to my desk. like two minutes later, he calls up to my phone and i tell him to stay where he is that i want my parents to meet him. so i go back there and they all meet...

well, then my parents leave cuz they have places to be. but then like 20 min. later, my friend callie comes up to me and says that she is in trouble now. and i ask her what she'd done now. she told me that she had said to Art that my parents had come just to meet him! lol lol so then she said that he blushed. then asked if callie was serious. callie said yeah. then he kind of smiled. so i later questioned more about the smile. and she said that it was an "oh-she-likes-me" smile. then i asked if it was an "oh, awkward, she likes me" smile or an "oh-she-likes-me-pleased" smile. and callie said it was definitely a pleased "oh-she-likes-me" smile! lol

totally made my day. well, that's all.

average jane signing off! :D

missing him but lovin cali!! :D

hey all!!!! so i'm in cali right now!! that is california!!! :D but i'm incredibly bored so here is my update since i've been so busy and not much time to write!!!

well, as most of my friends who read this know, i'm in california right now on family vacation. we came for disneyland!!! it's been two years since we came last and i am glad to be back. but at the same time i am terribly missing some people. like right now and for the past few days i have been terribly missing a guy i'm sort of dating. it's complicated. well, i've mentioned him before. his name is chris... and i have been missing him something fierce. i actually just had to call him last night on my sister's phone, cuz mine has no service outside utah!! :( bummer!! but i got to talk to him for about fifteen minutes which was good for me. but as we were driving yesterday, it seemed that he was all i could think about. just wanting him close to me. but alas, he is so far away. and this is totally not like me. and i'm the one who wanted to slow things down, but here i am a lot of miles away ( i don't know the exact amount) and i'm missing him terribly!!! what is wrong with me.... but yeah. so that is my babble about chris for now....

but, i really am excited for disneyland. i love that place. of course the first ride me and my sister rachel are goin on is pirates of the carribean!!! i so can't wait. and then the tower of terror at least a few hundred times!!! lol but yeah. oh and btw, i'm typing all this on my sister rachels laptop! she brought it with her andn we have free wireless internet at our hotel.... but i really can't wait for tomorrow!!! and i'm sure the week will just fly by cuz i'll be having so much fun!!!

but i just have to mention again that i'm missing chris a lot... but i'll see him in a week! cuz i'm calling him as soon as i get back and i'll show up at his place. but yeah i'm just so far gone. and i'm not really sure what to do. cuz even though i want to slow it down to be safe, whenever i'm near him i don't want to leave. he makes me happy and laugh, and makes me believe in myself and push life to the limits. it's great. cuz no one has ever really done that for me before. like i know my mom says you can do it! go for it. but that is mostly in academics. chris pulls me out of my books and pulls me into real life and real experiences! its' the most amzing feeling especially to know he's there beside me all the way. cuz i know he only wants the best for me. and i think i'm in his life for a reason. cuz i think he really wants to quit smoking, but i need to be here to provide some extra motivation!!! yeah, he's helped me so much all ready, now it's my turn! so here i go. oh god, i miss him. his arms around me, his kisses....lol

enough said, so it's been crazy. but i got to go!!!

average jane signing off!!! (disneyland here i come!!! chris, honey, see you soon!! :D )

guys and what to do

this past day i have done so much thinking. actually its been more than just the past day. but the majority of my thinking has come together today. cuz me and chris are getting more serious. and there is that lovely little alarm going off in me, like it did in my relationship with dave. and i'm beginning to ask myself what the hell i'm getting into. and i'm starting to freak a bit. and you wouldn't guess it at all from how i've been acting. like me and chris spend so much time together. and he's such a sweetheart. and i hate to admit that my sister was right, but i enjoy kissing. and so does chris. he kisses me a good amount. anyhoo, but the point is, he's getting attached to me and seems head over heels in love with me, per se. and i really like him, but i see the other guys at work, like cody and art, and i wonder what i'm getting into if i become serious with chris. like i really like cody, and he's so cute and he's a nice guy. and i also don't want to bring up chris' hopes so much that i hurt him and break his heart. cuz that would break mine. so i think that i just need to tell him that we need to take things slower. and just enjoy it without expecting anything beyond dating as friends. but yeah....

so that's my life right now. and i'm doing great. cuz i have a good guy in my life. and he makes me laugh. and smile. also i have a great job that allows me money to have fun and do things with friends...

well i got to go...

average jane signing off! : P

a first time for everything...

so it's been a few days and it seems a lifetime of things has happened to me in them. i feel changed and different, just a tad older and more in control of my life. it's kind of nice. but let me tell you what's happened and you can see what i mean.

so on thursday i got the biggest shocker of my life. just when i thought i could really believe robert, it turns out i was wrong. i guess maybe i just wanted so much to believe him that i disbelieved what everyone else was telling me. everyone had told me that chris would never lie. and it took someone else coming up and telling me that robert did have a girlfriend and that they actually got engaged to wake me up. i was just sitting at my desk when gilbert from the pumps dept. came to my desk and said,' robert's girlfriend just came and was showing off her engagement ring.' and he said that robert had a smug/proud look on his face when she was showing it off...silly me to actually believe him. but chris came up about ten or so minutes later and the first thing i said to him was,' i'm sorry. i'm sorry that i didn't believe you were telling the truth.' and he said,' thanx.' and so i got that all sorted out. but i really wanted to slug robert so hard for lying to my face three consecutive times that he didn't have a girlfriend. i hate that i still believed him. but that's now in the past. but before i found all this out i actually told chris, ' you know, whatever drama has gone on, let's just forget it. i don't care anymore.' cuz chris is a great guy. but then he did turn out to be telling the truth. silly me for that. so then we still planned on going out on friday.

so the funny part of this whole story is that chris doesn't have a car. he has a motorcycle but is still trying hard to register it. so our date on friday, he walked from his place down to the dollar theater and we watched a movie and ate something at arbys. it was way fun. after the movie, we just sat on the back of my car and talked. about everything. it was so cool cuz not only is he a great listener, but he actually discusses things with me. that's one difference that i found from any other guy i have liked. and it was so amzing. and we got to talkin about the mtns. and i found that he loves to go up in the mtns. so we kind of said, oh one time we have to go up there. and he had a waterfall he wanted to show me. but we set no definite time. then, i had to leave to make it back a half hour after my curfew. my parents weren't really mad.

then saturday the 30th. i went to the taylorsville dayzz parade and i actually got a bit sunburnt. but i texted chris to see if he was awake yet. and he finally texted me around noon. and i was out delivering flyers for sumthing. and he asked me what my plans were for that day. and i told him i just had to pass out these flyers, do some dishes, then take a shower. but i asked him why. and he said that he wanted to show me his waterfall. so we made plans for me to call him as soon as i was ready. then i picked him up and we went up little cottonwood canyon and found his waterfall and actually explored off to the side of it. it was fun. then i told him about donut falls and he said he'd never been there. so he said, why dont' you show me. cuz he'd shown me somthing new so now i'd show him somthing new. so we drove up big cottonwood canyon. and i forgot how far up the canyon it was so i got scared that i was going the wrong way. but i found it. and so we drove up to the parking lot and found a space. then we began our hike. it didnt' take us too long to hike it. but then we got to the waterfall and you have to climb up to the place where the water actually falls. it was a little difficult geting up, but chris was so sweet and helped me up. there was actually one part that was so difficult that he really was helping me. and he pulled me up and i kind of fell into his arms. it was comfortable....but then we got to the top and he asked if i had ever been above the falls. and i hadnt' and told him i really was too scared to go up there. and he pestered me a little asking if i was curious to see what was up there. but then i said fine lets go. and he said, you don't have to if you dont' want to. i won't make you. but i said no i'm goin up. so i went up with him coming behind me. and you know. it was even more beautiful up there. it was breathtaking and gorgeous. i'm glad he pushed me to try going up. he's just a great guy to encourage me to try new things and get me out of the bubble i've been in so long. but then we waded in the little pool at the top, then decided to climb back down. we got back down to the main trail and i kind of kept slipping and such, so i held his hand for support. and then i said, i guess you'll just have to hold my hand so i don't fall. and then we held hands the whole way down. it was amzing... he's so sweet. but then i took him home and dropped him off about 7 pm. then i went home and got ready for the fireworks cuz my pants were all dusty from the hike. but so then at about 9 pm i went and picked him up and we went to the fireworks. he met my parents and they were nice and such. but then we went and found our own spot and laid down to watch the fireworks. we ended up holding hands. and then after the fireworks were over, we just stayed in the park, just cuddling and talking. there were moments of silence but they were reflective silence rather than uncomfortable. it was way nice. then about 11:39 i checked my phone and said, i probably should go so i make curfew. and he said yeah maybe you should. but then i bent to get my flip flops and he put his arm around me and pulled me close saying 'you're not going anywhere!' lol and i just snuggled up to him and didnt argue cuz i didn't want to leave. but then at one point i turned to look at him and he was looking at me. then his hand went to my chin and he pulled me close, and kissed me. it was so cute. it wasn't perfect as this was my first kiss. but it was so cute nonetheless. *sigh* and i told him it was my first kiss. and he was so cute about it and how i was not experienced in kissing. but then we did leave cuz it was now like 12:10 or so in the morning. so then we walked back to my car, hand in hand. and i drove him home. once i got to his apartment, i turned off the car and just sat there with him. cuz i didn't want him to go. but then he turned to me and kissed me several more times. i think i did better kissing those times. but i feel that i will have many chances to improve.... :D so i look forward to whatever comes of this.

of course i didn't tell my parents of this or my sister rachel. cuz i don't know how they would react. i told only holly. cuz she understands... it's nice. but yeah. i was floating on cloud nine last night and i can't wait to see him tomorrow. *sigh* my life is going right for once. and it's totally been unplanned...

average jane signing off...(i'm so far gone...)

i've got a date! and i can't wait..... : D

otay.... so today has to be considered one of the funnier days of my existence! :D so i was at work and me and robert did our whole smile/whatever exchange a few times during the day. there is this girl, oyuna, who works with me. she's like late 20s, early 30s and is married. she was helping me fold invoices for mailing and she asked me, 'amy, do you have a boyfriend?' and i told her i didn't. then i said, ' but i have a date on friday! ' and she said, ' oh, with who?' and i said, ' robert.' she looked at me and said, ' robert, like in the warehouse?' and i said, 'yah.' and she told me that she thought he had a girlfriend. and stuff and i told her that i was pretty sure he didn't, but i was gonna actually ask him today just to be safe. and i asked her how she was sure he had a girlfriend. she told me that some girl comes and picks him up after work each day. and i told her that he told me it was his sister emily. and when i saw her pick him up, they acted like brother and sister and not at all like boyfriend/ girlfriend. then, she says,'well, i'm gonna go check on something.' so she leaves. and i don't hear from her for ten minutes.

so i went on my break and i was in the bathroom, when oyuna comes in and says, 'amy?' and i say yah... and so she comes in and says,' maybe i was mistaken, some of the guys have sisters that come and bring them lunch, so it could be his sister that comes and picks him up... sorry about that.' and i told her it wasn't a problem. but then she tells me the reason she had asked if i had a boyfriend, was that she wanted to set me up with one of the other guys that work in the warehouse, chris. he's a good guy. really nice and funny. and she wanted to set me up with him... how funny! but the story gets better.

so i told darren, a guy at work, that oyuna had wanted to set me up with chris. and he makes some comment about what the dating setup we've got here! :D and i found this immensly hilarious. but yeah. so i was gonna ask robert if he had a girlfriend, but turned out i didn't have to. he came up around 4 pm and said, ' i just had a good chat with oyuna.' i said, 'oh... yeah?' and he told me,' i don't have a girlfriend. maybe when i talked to oyuna last i did. my crazy ex that trys to call me here, i broke up with her 2 1/2 weeks ago. but i don't have a girlfriend. but if you don't want to go out with me still, i understand.' i replied,' i do still want to go out with you, i just didn't want to deal with that.' and he said he completely understood. then he went back to the warehouse. then at closing time, he came up front again and said, 'so are we still on for tomorrow?' and i told him 'yeah. so what are we doing?' and he said he hadn't decided yet, he was trying to think of something fun. then he turned to go. but then turned back and said, 'oh, one more thing, i'm a pretty open guy. if you hear something about me, you can come ask me and i'll tell you.' i said,' okay. and i was gonna come ask you about the girlfriend thing, but oyuna beat me to it.' i also told him that i really don't have a hard time coming to ppl about things. so yeah. but we're on for tomorrow night!!! i really cannot wait. so that's been my interesting day!! :D

but then on saturday, i'm gonna hang out with my friend, jesse at the gateway. we're gonna hangout and catch up on life. get to know each other a bit better seeing as we've only met in person once and mostly chatted over the net...but yeah. it'll be fun!

but i'm so excited for tomorrow!!!! i think i'll burst from happiness and excitement! :D

averagejane signing off! : P

boys still silly!! :D

okay, here i go again... here's what happened today. well, so we kind of did our typical hi and smile routine. it wasn't until around 3 or 4 pm that he really said anything important. but, so he came up to me and said, "so are you connie's granddaughter?" and i was totally shocked! connie is the lady who was previously over me in my filing position. and she's short, redhaired, really can be annoying.... but i laughed and said, "no i'm not her granddaughter!" i also said that i'm not related to anyone there at steve regan company. i told him, thank god i'm not related to connie! :D lol that would be almost as bad as my own grandma. but he seemed very relieved to hear i wasn't at all related. cuz he had heard some rumors that i was. but then he was like, okay. and then walked back to the ware house. so then, about twenty minutes later, he came back and said, "so what are you doing friday?" and i said," hmm... fridaY?" and i just thought for two seconds. and he said, "do you have plans already?" and i said, " no, i'm just trying to be sure of i dont'." and he said " okay, so we should do something friday." and i said "yeah, definitely." and he said "okay, so i'll talk to you tomorrow. i'm leaving." i said "okay. bye." and he said 'bye.' lol it took him long enough!!! :D but he asked me out. i'm good! i think this is way funny! but i am excited for friday!! i can't wait!!

but yeah...this has been interesting. to say the least. so now the real wait is over of whether or not he's gonna ask me out. so when i get pics of him, i will post them on here, once i figure that out too! cuz i think he's cute! oh and my sister and mom didnt' really like that he's 26. but you know what? i don't care. i'm an adult now and i can make my own responsible decisions. that kind of sounded whiny. what i meant to say is that i am an adult. i am capable of making responsible decisions. i know when something could be dangerous or risky. but the things in life worth going for mean taking risks. like someone once said, one can never possibly know how far one can go, until one risks going too far. so here i go. it takes a risk in trusting anyone. but i do trust robert. i don't know him altogether too well, but just the way he acts makes me think he's an okay guy. well, very much more than okay cuz he's way cute!! :D lol not biased at all! :D

but yeah enough rambling about boys! that's all for now! :D

average jane signing off! :p

boys and their silly ways... :D

so an update i believe is in order as so much has happened since i last wrote. well, not a lot, but quite some funny things.

so to begin, well, let's start with robert. well, so i mentioned last time that he asked if i had a boyfriend. well, that was thursday. then on friday. the 15th, he came up during the day and asked me how old i was. i told him,"18." then he kind of went, 'oh,' kind of like oh, that's young. but so i found it funny that now i was 18 yrs old, i was still too young in some sense for some things. lol. but, so i just was like whatever. then on monday, he really didn't say anything, and by the night when i went home, i was kind of like, whatever happens, i don't care. cuz it's not like i know the guy really well, and it's like we've barely talked as it is. but yeah... so then i went into work today. and let me preface myself by saying, robert had, i thought, one football jersey that he wears to work everyday, along with a baseball hat. but today, he wore a polo shirt that was blue and yellow striped. so i mentioned to him, 'so you wore something other than your football jersey? what, did you have to wash it?' i did this in a jokingly manner. he kind of laughed like, oh i had that coming. but he said he had several football jerseys that he wore. but he also wasn't wearing his hat. his hair was curly. it was cute. like he'd done his hair that morning, instead of just throwing on a hat over it. i must admit that i didn't recognize him at first without the hat and football jersey. it was terribly funny to me, when i realized that it was robert. he he... but so on to the other things that happened today. well, he came up to me once during the day and asked, 'so is 26 too old for you?' and i kind of was like, 'umm....no.' and he said 'it's too old for you..' i said 'no, it's not too old.' and he seemed satisfied. so then i found this altogether way too funny to keep to myself. so i went and told darren, a married guy like in his 30s or 40s that i work with. i told him all that had happened. and so he said, "so the next question is, 'so what are you doing thursday night?'" and i just laughed. so.... then robert came up later and asked me, ' if i asked you out, would you say yes, or would you say no?' and i told him i'd say yes. and he said, okay. then he went back to the ware house. then i told darren, 'the next question was, "if i asked you out, would you say yes or would you say no?"' and he just laughed. but then just before darren left he asked if robert had said anything. and i said no. so it's kind of funny... maybe tomorrow he might actually ask me out! :D that'd be funny...

but yeah. that's what's been going on in my life. nothing much else except for the fact that i've been driving my little sister crazy by watching pride and prejudice over and over, when i can. but lol it's been great.

so actually, theres a part of me still not sure about robert, like he's funny and cute, but i don't really know him yet and he doesn't really know me. but i guess if we went on a date we'd get a chance to know each other. that is if he ever does ask me on a date....hmm... well, we'll just have to see where this all leads...

average jane signing off...(robert makes me smile :D really big! )

still sick...but thoughts of boys...

well, so i'm still kind of sick today. though not as bad as yesterday...i feel better... not feeling so much as dying, but my nose is like really stuffed up and also my throat hurts...but i'll be okay...

so i finally got back to some friends who emailed me like a month ago. i kind of kept putting off replying to them...but one friend, jesse, i replied and said we should totally hang out... cuz i've been meaning to get to that...but not really had the time to hang out cuz it was near the end of school. but with summer here, i will have more time. so yeah...

but my friend heather mccormick called me today... and we talked. and she asked me about darion...and i said that i still very much liked him, but that i'm really not worrying too much about how anything and how it turns out...cuz right now especially i'm just looking for fun and such in dating. and i'm now out of high school... so that kind of changes things...cuz he will be a junior in high school, and i'll be a freshman in college...i dunno... but i guess there is a part of me that hopes something will happen this summer... cuz we'll have time to become even better friends...and hang out lots, like on july 4th like last year and at taylorsville dayzz celebrations. i guess i just want to feel special to someone, as more than just friends...but yeah...

anyhoo, well, that's my update for now...

babbling about boys and nothing in particular....

so not much really to write... but still having issues with my friend to be married. i thought that maybe i could resolve them and i thought that when we hung out a week ago, that it would be better. but if anything, it made me realize that things really won't ever be the same. i am not even sure i can handle being more than just sort of friends. cuz i know that we won't ever be best friends again. it's just not possible. too much has happened between us and we've both grown apart in the past few months... but i guess that's how life is. it's going to be okay... i really don't know why i don't feel more broken up about this. maybe cuz i saw it coming. and that in the end, i really am just a loner. someone who likes to be on my own without ppl to mess things up.

but i think i'm gonna move up in my job at steve regan company. the lady who does the hiring talked to me today, and kind of alluded to that. but we'll see next week she said.

graduation is this friday and i finally sent out invitations yesterday. i know, i procrastinate a lot. but those who are already coming didn't really need to get one, but it's more of a formality... so yeah. but i sent some to friends that will either be graduating with me or won't be coming anyways, but just wanted to send a friendly invitation to say that i consider them a friend...but yeah. well, now i'm jsut babbling.

but, so i'm watching harry potter 3 for the thirty millionth time. no surprise, cuz i love that movie. but hmm.... i just think harry potter is really hot...lol his real name is daniel radcliffe. but i also find orlando bloom really gorgeous too.

so i've been thinking about darion a lot lately. in fact i dreamt about him too. and the thing is i haven't seen him at all since sunday. which is odd, but at the same time not cuzit's the end of school and i'm not at school much. but i wonder why i keep thinking about him. i don't know. it's not like he's made any move to show that he wants anything other than friendship. and like my friend said, "i don't chase boys, boys chase me." i want to think that...but here i am pining over a guy who it appears doesn't want to be more than friends...cuz he isn't making any move. so i guess...yup my life is just normal and kind of sucks in the romance department. surprise, not....

a second, or is it like fourth, chance...

so maybe once again i'm setting myself up to be disappointed by darion....but i really can't lose him. he means a lot to me. it's just been hell not really talking to him these past few days. so today after school i was driving to meet nathan and lydia at the library. i drove through my neighborhood and saw darion. i said hi and told him to get in the car and that i wanted to talk to him. so he hopped in. and i told him that i was more upset that at another friend and that she had not really followed plans we had on sat. and i just kind of took it out on him. he was an easy target. and so i felt kind of stupid just sittin there and telling him this while we sat in his driveway. but i had to. and i said i was upset that he acts like he doesn't like me, when he tells me he does. and he told me that at the point that i got up and left the dance for a moment, was just the time he got up to dance with me. (i had asked him to dance and he said no..so i asked again and got mad when he said no. i didn't look at him and left the room.) so i must not have noticed it. so i guess i let my emotions get in the way once again. and i know i look stupid just going back to him when he's kind of bounced back and forth. but then again. this time it was me overreacting. he really is a good guy...and i can't help that i like him so much. even though i tried to move on, i can't ....so here i go again. silly me...
(oh btw, darion's foster mom wants me to be a math tutor for him and his brothers....lol)
but so i give darion yet another chance....
averagejane signing off...(hope it will all work out...)

lost and confused

so i went to young womens tonight. and it was a combined activity with the guys. and i saw darion there. i even helped him with some things, like with the scripture mastery stuff. i'm pro at that. :D but then after we got all our things done, we went out and sat on the couch. and darion said, what's wrong? and i said, oh nothing. but he said no really. what's wrong? so i said i was confused. and he asked why. and i told him that one week he was all telling me he loved me. then the next he was all like, hey. and not as close. so i said i was confused. then he said nothing. so i said well, i'm gonna go outside and get some air. he said, do you want me to come with you? i said, if you want to. and so we went outside. and he and sorta talked. like about what if i could live anywhere outside of the US, where would i live, or would i not leave? and i said, somewhere in Europe. maybe italy or france or england. and i said i just want to see Europe and the world. and he said that's funny. and i said why is that funny, cuz it's not normal? and he said, no. he said, cuz i've been dreaming of traveling lately. and i totally was shocked. cuz it was funny that he totally gets my wanting to travel. and we talked of how in russia i only needed to see the st. peter's cathedral. (oh and the peterhoff palace i believe it's called) but then i could skip the rest of russia. but we talked about that and then we went and got brownies and ice cream. but then, we came back out and we weren't alone anymore. cuz other girls joined us. and then nick joined. but then at around 5 to 9 pm, i got up to leave and so did darion. he had to be home around 9 like me. but then we crossed the street and darion said he had to get home. and so he put his arms out to give me a hug. and i gave him a short hug. and he said, see you later. and i said whatever. he looked confused and said what's all that about? i said, you still haven't explained anything. so he said tomorrow morning. i'll explain. and i said when tomorrow morning? he said he'd be by my house around 7:05. so i'll be leaving earlier than i have in months. but i just want to hear what the deal is. whether we're just friends or more. i need to know.
but i guess what's the hardest about all this, is that when it's jsut me and darion, i see the real him. how he's so smart and so much more than "just a pretty face." he really is a great guy. and i think maybe this past week he's been having to deal with the fact that once again the ppl who were supposed to adopt him, may not. they're not sure. and i could tell it's a total blow to darion. i think this is the third time this has happened. sure he didn't really want to become mr. mormon boy. but i think he would have done it to be in a family. and that bites that once again it looks like it may not go through. when he said it, it literally broke my heart. for the thirtieth time. but i guess there's not much i can do about it. except just be his friend. i can't stop being that. cuz he's amzing. even if a little crazy sometimes.

anyhoo, so yeah. there's more explaination to my situation. or actually an update is more what it is. but i guess tomorrow i get to find out what darion means. either way i just need to know.

average jane signing off ( ignorance is bliss...somedays...)

an explanation and more news!

so i guess now is as good a time as any to explain something. well, so i mentioned in an earlier post about how boys are stupid. well, tha's true in and of itself most times. but, so the guy i mentioned that said he loved me. well, i really didn't take it as too serious beyond the fact that he possibly liked me in that way. so i kind of just started to let myself like him again. not too far... i still was okay. just enough to get hurt when i found out that it was just like last time. i'm just a backup plan. stupid and pointless. anyhoo, let me explain in more depth.

so first some background. well, darion is a foster boy. he lives in a house with 3 other guys. one of them is named jay. he went out with a girl sophie. she cheated on him, so he cheated on her. they broke up. then they got back together cuz she said she was done cheating on him. then jay cheated on her. they broke up.

anyhoo, so it appears that last region dance, darion asked sophie to go out with him.. she said she'd think about it even though she already had a boyfriend, unbeknownst to darion. he found out when she told him she didn't want to go out with him. this all happened when i was in cali. then i guess, when he was rejected he turned his affections towards me. but, i didnt' know this until this past sunday...heard it from another friend. and then just the past week he's not been really talking to me as much or anything...so yeah... but really i'm okay. i guess i should have seen it comin. and maybe a part of me did, cuz it's really not so bad when i heard it.

but yeah. and i think maybe my friend and i have kind of patched things up...i think we'll be okay...

anyhoo, i'm really in a good mood. i kind of played hooky from work and went and visited steph cuz she's sick. it was good to talk to her. we might not go to senior breakout at t-ville, we might do the kearns one... cuz it's at kearns oquirrh park fitness center and will have food, a slip n' slide, games, movies! sounds like fun, plus it's like 10 or 15 dollars cheaper than t-ville's!! :D anyhoo, i'm gonna quit now and go to the library. luv you all! :D

average jane signing off!! :D

letting go of what i've done, but happy memories

right now i'm jsut terribly sick of hearing all those love stories of girls and their boyfriends. well, maybe it's just my friends' stories i'm sick of. i hate hearing how happy they are and all the details. maybe it's cuz i'm bitter that my love life basically sucks...cuz sure i have guys that possibly things could happen with, but right now, nothing is happening. that is cuz i don't see darion much during the week... like somedays i see him at lunch time, sometimes walking home from school. and i really want to see him and talk to him, maybe i'm getting my hopes up too high... cuz i still don't know that he meant i love you in more than friendship way. i'll definitely get to him tomorrow. cuz he's always at church lately. it's the one thing i look forward to on sundays, seeing darion. he makes me laugh, makes me happy...most of the time. he can get on my nerves a bit, like everyone else. but overall we're good.. and i know this whole moping over darion is getting old so i'll move on...

well yesterday was state choir competitions. graces got all 1s. concert choir got two 1s and a 1-. yeah graces kick butt!!!! :D

but also yesterday i went and played some ultimate frisbee. well, i tossed around a frisbee with ryan thatcher, but i didn't actually play in the game. maybe next friday i will. i just have to get better with the whole game... i found out that i can catch okay, but my throwing could be improved... a lot! :D lol it was fun though, even though my butt is sore...probably from running and actually doing something instead of just sitting and watching a movie on a friday night! it really was cool and we were there until like 11 pm. fun stuff...

but unfortunately i have to work today. ugh at lambert floral. but i'm working from 11am to 6pm when they close. i'm leaving right after the last person leaves. i don't plan on staying around to help! yeah right, i did that last time. stayed to help. and i was there until almost 7 pm. naw i need to come home and rest.

oh and the other day i had this amzing conversation with my friend jay hansen. i was walking home from school and caught up to him. and we really talked like he and i havent' in a while. it was cool cuz i felt a new connection with him, like i hadn't felt in who knows how long. cuz we've both just kind of been caught up in school and friends and other stuff. but it was way good...cuz after we parted at my house, he's like, "i'll see you again soon, right?" i replied "most definitely." because i like talking to jay. he's really a great guy.

anyhoo, i have to just say that it's been an interesting week. i really haven't talked to a friend much this week, cuz i guess it just seems she's always with her boyfriend, and maybe that's not true, but i guess i just feel that way. maybe thats why i feel like i'm kind of just going back to how i was junior year. i had a lot of great friends, but the best i had was nathan... and i guess the reason i'm back to how it was in junior year...is cuz i know that nathan'll always be there to talk to if i need to. i know that is not gonna change. anyhoo, i'm gettin mushy and i really hate that some times... but life is okay. i survive. and right now i really do like that new linkin park song i posted. it's a song about just washing away all the crap of the world. it's about taking away what i've become and jsut starting new...i wish i could do that. but anyhoo, i've babbled enough...

average jane signing off...