thoughts at work...

so here i sit at work. and i'm in kind of a funk, of sorts. but it's hard to explain. but i need to write this all down. so here goes.

well, so today i've only once seen chris. and that was in the break room for lunch. and while it's to be expected, i still was surprised i hadn't seen him all day until lunch. cuz it's like he's a constant presence in my life and at work. i'm always seeing him. but i do admit that he purposely would take the will call orders to come up and see me. but now, he isn't taking them, specifically i think to avoid me. i'm not entirely sure on that though. anyhoo, so i saw him in the break room. and at first i didn't talk to him and he didn't talk to me. it was kind of awkward, and he was stomping around and being rough with things and seemed upset of sorts. then he stomped out of the break room and then came back with the movie moulin rouge. and we had talked about how i hadn't seen it so he told me that i'd have to borrow it some time. so i guess today was that sometime.

but so then i asked chris if he was okay. and he said he was. just a bit frustrated. he thought that cody was gonna move in tonight. but yeah. so he was frustrated about that. and our fertilizer room was not going right in the organizing they were doing. but the thing is that we talked and i told him about my date with darion that i am now regretting. as he called me four times yesterday in two and a half hour period. ugh!! but yeah.

so i'm just waiting for things to cool down with chris. because it's like things are at a standstill with cody and i. like we say hi. but that's about it. we really haven't talked since yesterday about all of that and him tellin me that he likes me. but i guess he's just been busy in the warehouse. they always seem so busy. cuz there are so many customers that need things pulled off the shelves. but yeah...

well, so as it comes near closing time, i have things i need to finish up, so i'll close this post. but just my random thoughts and feelings.....

averagejane signing off....(i'm in a weird mood)

yeah i'm silly

so i know that i just posted like a few hours ago. but i just have to say again that i was so freaking surprised when cody told me that he liked me and had for a while. and the fact that he had been nervous to approach me just makes me laugh and so giddy. cuz guys don't usually act that way around me. i was the smart one in school. and the way i talk sometimes was just a tad to specific and exact that would make the cute guys like cody go "huh?" but cody is not just a pretty face. he's smart. and he knows what makes a girl special and how to treat a girl. well, i hope that chris can mellow out and chill so that i can go out with cody a few times at least. but yeah.

so yeah well chris just texted me. and i think i might take this chance to make him see that we really just have to be friends and cool things off. so that way i can try to hurry along things and just let work not be so much drama...

anyhoo,
averagejane signing off! :D life is good.

boy drama and fun@!!!

lol so i just had to type that! but so an update on my life is in order!! :D

well, so so much drama has happened with chris. and i'm about fed up with it. so here it is!

well so on weds. i told chris that i was still gonna date other guys and made sure he knew that. and that there were other guys that i am interested in and then he asked if i liked someone else at work. and not gonna lie to him i said that yes i did. then he asked me questions and tried to figure out who it was that i liked. but, yah. and he acted all jealous and like a clingy boyfriend. and that was really annoying. so then he calls me on thurs. and apologized for acting like an ass. (his words and not mine) but then he acted like everything was okay. and when we talked on sunday, he acted like we were cool and said he hoped we could be friends. so then i come to work on mon. and i talk to my friend art. and turns out that chris on friday was asking around tryin to find out who it was i liked at work. but then i guess he had narrowed it down to art and cody, then to art and was givin him shit on friday. but, yah. so i confronted chris (on tues.) about it and tried to play it down as nothin. and such. but then anyways. i told art yesterday that it actually was cody that i liked. so he's all like "oh let me hook you up!' god it's so funny cuz he's like a freakin matchmaker! lol but yeah so he talked to cody and told me that cody liked me and such. but i didn't really believe him cuz i saw no indication from cody yet.

so then today, i came into work and on my first break went and talked to art. and we chatte about chris and art. and finally i found chris and confronted him about friday. then i told him that we would be just friends. then on my lunch break, cody kept comin up in the break room and seemed to want to talk to me. but there were just so many ppl in there. then finally it was just me and david and cody. and so finally cody told me that he liked me and that chris had just beat him to the punch and asked me out. he said that part of him was not wanting to start something because of chris and more drama and hurt feelings, but then a part of him was worried that i'd be swooped up by another guy and he (cody) would have missed his chance. lol that totally made me smile. that this guy thought i was such a catch that other guys might be after me!! :D but yeah. so then i told him that i had a crush on him but didn't say anything because of chris and not knowing how he (cody) would feel. but yeah. so things are cool!! :D i'm so excited. well works over so i'll close!

ttyl!

average jane signing off! :D

missing him but lovin cali!! :D

hey all!!!! so i'm in cali right now!! that is california!!! :D but i'm incredibly bored so here is my update since i've been so busy and not much time to write!!!

well, as most of my friends who read this know, i'm in california right now on family vacation. we came for disneyland!!! it's been two years since we came last and i am glad to be back. but at the same time i am terribly missing some people. like right now and for the past few days i have been terribly missing a guy i'm sort of dating. it's complicated. well, i've mentioned him before. his name is chris... and i have been missing him something fierce. i actually just had to call him last night on my sister's phone, cuz mine has no service outside utah!! :( bummer!! but i got to talk to him for about fifteen minutes which was good for me. but as we were driving yesterday, it seemed that he was all i could think about. just wanting him close to me. but alas, he is so far away. and this is totally not like me. and i'm the one who wanted to slow things down, but here i am a lot of miles away ( i don't know the exact amount) and i'm missing him terribly!!! what is wrong with me.... but yeah. so that is my babble about chris for now....

but, i really am excited for disneyland. i love that place. of course the first ride me and my sister rachel are goin on is pirates of the carribean!!! i so can't wait. and then the tower of terror at least a few hundred times!!! lol but yeah. oh and btw, i'm typing all this on my sister rachels laptop! she brought it with her andn we have free wireless internet at our hotel.... but i really can't wait for tomorrow!!! and i'm sure the week will just fly by cuz i'll be having so much fun!!!

but i just have to mention again that i'm missing chris a lot... but i'll see him in a week! cuz i'm calling him as soon as i get back and i'll show up at his place. but yeah i'm just so far gone. and i'm not really sure what to do. cuz even though i want to slow it down to be safe, whenever i'm near him i don't want to leave. he makes me happy and laugh, and makes me believe in myself and push life to the limits. it's great. cuz no one has ever really done that for me before. like i know my mom says you can do it! go for it. but that is mostly in academics. chris pulls me out of my books and pulls me into real life and real experiences! its' the most amzing feeling especially to know he's there beside me all the way. cuz i know he only wants the best for me. and i think i'm in his life for a reason. cuz i think he really wants to quit smoking, but i need to be here to provide some extra motivation!!! yeah, he's helped me so much all ready, now it's my turn! so here i go. oh god, i miss him. his arms around me, his kisses....lol

enough said, so it's been crazy. but i got to go!!!

average jane signing off!!! (disneyland here i come!!! chris, honey, see you soon!! :D )

guys and what to do

this past day i have done so much thinking. actually its been more than just the past day. but the majority of my thinking has come together today. cuz me and chris are getting more serious. and there is that lovely little alarm going off in me, like it did in my relationship with dave. and i'm beginning to ask myself what the hell i'm getting into. and i'm starting to freak a bit. and you wouldn't guess it at all from how i've been acting. like me and chris spend so much time together. and he's such a sweetheart. and i hate to admit that my sister was right, but i enjoy kissing. and so does chris. he kisses me a good amount. anyhoo, but the point is, he's getting attached to me and seems head over heels in love with me, per se. and i really like him, but i see the other guys at work, like cody and art, and i wonder what i'm getting into if i become serious with chris. like i really like cody, and he's so cute and he's a nice guy. and i also don't want to bring up chris' hopes so much that i hurt him and break his heart. cuz that would break mine. so i think that i just need to tell him that we need to take things slower. and just enjoy it without expecting anything beyond dating as friends. but yeah....

so that's my life right now. and i'm doing great. cuz i have a good guy in my life. and he makes me laugh. and smile. also i have a great job that allows me money to have fun and do things with friends...

well i got to go...

average jane signing off! : P

just life and such

well, it's been a few days since i've written, but i have a good explanation. i got into an accident on tuesday and i've been in the hospital..... just kidding. about the hospital part though.... i really did get in an accident. it was only a fender bender. and only damaged my car really. it would cost me around the same to replace the parts i damaged as to get a new car. so my parents will prob. just get a new car eventually...but my car is okay and i'm okay. i had a little whiplash, but not too bad. and of course i got a ticket for negligent collision. you know, i don't really know why i was so distracted and why my car didn't stop or why i didn't just swerve. i had been texting a bit, but i had plenty of space to stop and i slammed on my brakes and i was only going like 45 mph. but i guess maybe i was just so distracted. but if i ever get caught in that sort of situation again, i will remember to swerve and save myself the ticket and the damage. but yeah.

oh and so that night when i was in the accident i was actually on my way to pick up chris to go to the rodeo. and i was all high strung when i got to his house, but he was so sweet and we just relaxed and i calmed down. he was amzing about all of it. it actually turned out to be better that we just hung out at his apartment. i really had a good time. and he was just so cute. it all turned out okay.

but then on wednesday, july fourth we ended up going to sugarhouse for the fireworks and i had a good time. it was really good fireworks, the best i've seen i have to admit. we walked back to my car. and then we hung there for a sec. and kissed. lol it was good...but then we managed to make it back to his place to hang for about 20 min. then he walked me to my car, and kissed me goodnight. then i managed to get home before midnight!!!! :D

but, thursday robert showed up for work. and it was kind of funny to see him. and you know? i really don't have such hard feelings for him. not anymore. i've kind of gotten over it sort of. like i still think he's a jerk, but i don't care anymore because i'm not gonna be fooled again. and i can actually talk to him civilly and say hi. but yeah. that chapter is closed, and we just exist as acquaintances.

but, so i have a "date" lol for saturday. somehow, my friend meisha ended up setting up a date with my cousin and she was talking to me about it and told me that she wanted to know if i wanted to come with her. so i told her sure. and i called up my bud nathan to see if he wanted to come with me! and it looks like we're gonna hang on saturday. cuz we haven't hung out for a month. but yeah that should be a blast.


anyhoo, so i thought that i should take things slower with chris. and i wasn't gonna do anything this weekend with chris, that's why i didn't ask him to come with me on saturday. but he might call tonight, and we'll probably do something. whether we go to a movie or just hang at his place.

oh and i have to put in a plug here. so there is something called net radio. it's really pretty much amzing. but ppl are trying to make it so costly that it would basically get rid of net radio. and i don't know how many of you listen to it. but for my sake and those that listen, take a stand. let your congressmen know that they shouldn't up the price of the net radio. thats why i put the banners on my blog. so please take a stand and go to savenetradio.org and do what you can!!! please cuz there is not much time left...

but yeah....well, that's all for this time. til later.

averagejane signing off!

oh and side note, so i hadn't worn my second piercing for a while and i tried to put an earring back in, and amzingly i got it back it. so yeah.... but i love life...:D

a first time for everything...

so it's been a few days and it seems a lifetime of things has happened to me in them. i feel changed and different, just a tad older and more in control of my life. it's kind of nice. but let me tell you what's happened and you can see what i mean.

so on thursday i got the biggest shocker of my life. just when i thought i could really believe robert, it turns out i was wrong. i guess maybe i just wanted so much to believe him that i disbelieved what everyone else was telling me. everyone had told me that chris would never lie. and it took someone else coming up and telling me that robert did have a girlfriend and that they actually got engaged to wake me up. i was just sitting at my desk when gilbert from the pumps dept. came to my desk and said,' robert's girlfriend just came and was showing off her engagement ring.' and he said that robert had a smug/proud look on his face when she was showing it off...silly me to actually believe him. but chris came up about ten or so minutes later and the first thing i said to him was,' i'm sorry. i'm sorry that i didn't believe you were telling the truth.' and he said,' thanx.' and so i got that all sorted out. but i really wanted to slug robert so hard for lying to my face three consecutive times that he didn't have a girlfriend. i hate that i still believed him. but that's now in the past. but before i found all this out i actually told chris, ' you know, whatever drama has gone on, let's just forget it. i don't care anymore.' cuz chris is a great guy. but then he did turn out to be telling the truth. silly me for that. so then we still planned on going out on friday.

so the funny part of this whole story is that chris doesn't have a car. he has a motorcycle but is still trying hard to register it. so our date on friday, he walked from his place down to the dollar theater and we watched a movie and ate something at arbys. it was way fun. after the movie, we just sat on the back of my car and talked. about everything. it was so cool cuz not only is he a great listener, but he actually discusses things with me. that's one difference that i found from any other guy i have liked. and it was so amzing. and we got to talkin about the mtns. and i found that he loves to go up in the mtns. so we kind of said, oh one time we have to go up there. and he had a waterfall he wanted to show me. but we set no definite time. then, i had to leave to make it back a half hour after my curfew. my parents weren't really mad.

then saturday the 30th. i went to the taylorsville dayzz parade and i actually got a bit sunburnt. but i texted chris to see if he was awake yet. and he finally texted me around noon. and i was out delivering flyers for sumthing. and he asked me what my plans were for that day. and i told him i just had to pass out these flyers, do some dishes, then take a shower. but i asked him why. and he said that he wanted to show me his waterfall. so we made plans for me to call him as soon as i was ready. then i picked him up and we went up little cottonwood canyon and found his waterfall and actually explored off to the side of it. it was fun. then i told him about donut falls and he said he'd never been there. so he said, why dont' you show me. cuz he'd shown me somthing new so now i'd show him somthing new. so we drove up big cottonwood canyon. and i forgot how far up the canyon it was so i got scared that i was going the wrong way. but i found it. and so we drove up to the parking lot and found a space. then we began our hike. it didnt' take us too long to hike it. but then we got to the waterfall and you have to climb up to the place where the water actually falls. it was a little difficult geting up, but chris was so sweet and helped me up. there was actually one part that was so difficult that he really was helping me. and he pulled me up and i kind of fell into his arms. it was comfortable....but then we got to the top and he asked if i had ever been above the falls. and i hadnt' and told him i really was too scared to go up there. and he pestered me a little asking if i was curious to see what was up there. but then i said fine lets go. and he said, you don't have to if you dont' want to. i won't make you. but i said no i'm goin up. so i went up with him coming behind me. and you know. it was even more beautiful up there. it was breathtaking and gorgeous. i'm glad he pushed me to try going up. he's just a great guy to encourage me to try new things and get me out of the bubble i've been in so long. but then we waded in the little pool at the top, then decided to climb back down. we got back down to the main trail and i kind of kept slipping and such, so i held his hand for support. and then i said, i guess you'll just have to hold my hand so i don't fall. and then we held hands the whole way down. it was amzing... he's so sweet. but then i took him home and dropped him off about 7 pm. then i went home and got ready for the fireworks cuz my pants were all dusty from the hike. but so then at about 9 pm i went and picked him up and we went to the fireworks. he met my parents and they were nice and such. but then we went and found our own spot and laid down to watch the fireworks. we ended up holding hands. and then after the fireworks were over, we just stayed in the park, just cuddling and talking. there were moments of silence but they were reflective silence rather than uncomfortable. it was way nice. then about 11:39 i checked my phone and said, i probably should go so i make curfew. and he said yeah maybe you should. but then i bent to get my flip flops and he put his arm around me and pulled me close saying 'you're not going anywhere!' lol and i just snuggled up to him and didnt argue cuz i didn't want to leave. but then at one point i turned to look at him and he was looking at me. then his hand went to my chin and he pulled me close, and kissed me. it was so cute. it wasn't perfect as this was my first kiss. but it was so cute nonetheless. *sigh* and i told him it was my first kiss. and he was so cute about it and how i was not experienced in kissing. but then we did leave cuz it was now like 12:10 or so in the morning. so then we walked back to my car, hand in hand. and i drove him home. once i got to his apartment, i turned off the car and just sat there with him. cuz i didn't want him to go. but then he turned to me and kissed me several more times. i think i did better kissing those times. but i feel that i will have many chances to improve.... :D so i look forward to whatever comes of this.

of course i didn't tell my parents of this or my sister rachel. cuz i don't know how they would react. i told only holly. cuz she understands... it's nice. but yeah. i was floating on cloud nine last night and i can't wait to see him tomorrow. *sigh* my life is going right for once. and it's totally been unplanned...

average jane signing off...(i'm so far gone...)