so it seems that i've managed to screw things up again. don't know how i manage to be so talented. but i managed it. yeah totally stupid me.
so i though i had things going okay. i was thinking that i had finally figured things out. yeah right. my emotions went skeewompous again. (and no i'm not sure that's a word) but i managed all in one night to lie to a friend, and to myself and not be fully honest to another. well, i lied to my friend in not telling them all i was feeling. i lied straight to their face in saying that i was over an issue. and i guess in a way i was trying to convince myself that i had moved on. cuz i knew i needed to. but you know. didn't quite work out. and i was turning into someone i'm totally not proud of. and it sucks. cuz once again i've screwed up a friendship, over a stupid issue we had sort of just gotten over. and this time, it was totally all my fault and i hate it. and not i'm not throwing myself a damned pity party. i know i was in the wrong here. and this friend i really hurt emailed me to yell at me. and the hardest part, the fact that every bit of it is true. i'm am a bitch only going back to this issue cuz it was convenient for me. (if you don't know what issue i'm talking about, sucks for you. spencer if you have questions, don't comment, just email me and no one else.) but, so it hurt to realize that everything this friend was telling me i was doing, i really was. and i feel like such an inconsiderate bitch. but, yeah. and i guess i just need to say i'm sorry to the other party involved that this issue deals with strongly. i'm so sorry we got this up again. and my other friend. i'm sorry. i guess what we need is time apart. but yeah i need to just be alone and figure out what the hell is going on with me. so i might pop in from time to time to post, but don't worry if i don't appear too often.
average jane signing off.
