reflections over the last year...pt. 2

okay so as my husband pointed out, i have not put up a part 2 yet! lol so i figure i better get on it ;)

i know it's been almost 3 weeks since my last post, but i'll try to follow up with what i was thinkin :)

i was kind of in a funk that night that i was posting so this will be a little different.. but the general idea is that the past year things have been crazy. i've done some things i'm not proud of... though they have made me stronger and into the person i am today. And, i've done some things, made some choices that have been the best times of my life. among those that i am most grateful for, is the moment i began dating jay. i'll admit that with the path i had been going down, that i didn't think i would find someone like jay, someone to love me despite all my faults and bad choices. it was funny too, cuz i realized how much i didn't know jay in high school. i found out we were so similar in what paths in life we had begun to walk down. or tumble down... as the case may be. lol but then by some chance he found me... and in turn we both began to see that there was a better path. one that was meant for us to walk together... and so we began it. on october 18th. the best day of my life, at this point. i'm sure i'll have many best days to add to that down the road. but yeah

so i know in the last post i was mostly dwelling on the bad stuff that had happened and that i had gotten into... so they weren't the worst things i could have done... but they were stuff i will avoid in the future. i won't dwell on them any more because there was this quote i found and it said, "Don't let yesterday use up too much of today." (Will Rogers) and ya know what? i realized that i do that all too often. i've been fallin into an old habit of letting small things bug me... and lingering on them. and it's been pullin me down. i need to just let go! and so here i go.... but oh... another good quote to go with that is "some people think that it's holding on that makes one strong, sometimes it's letting go" That one applies to a lot in my life.! honestly.

anyway.. this is my pt. 2 and final reflection over the past year. it's been a year of change and wonderful beginnings! i can't wait to see what this year brings :) (maybe a change in job :) i hope!)

but life is great! i love jay more than i thought possible! (i'll always be ur girlfriend, btw, jay :D )

averagejane signing off :)

reflections over the last year...pt. 1

so my birthday is almost over... in about 22 min, i will just be back to normal life... no special day. lol not that this year felt any different to me... well that is adding a year, felt no different to me. but this year has been one crazy hell of a ride. it's kind of fun to look back. well, on most parts. i find there are many things in the past year i've done that i'm not proud of, some things i wish i could forget, some things i wish had never happened. yet as i sit here wishing they hadn't happened, i look at my life now, and what has brought me here. Almost every thing, big or small, that i wish had never taken place, wish i hadn't been stupid and naive enough to fall for, has brought me to the person i am today. Am i happy with who i am? mostly, yes i am. i sure am a lot happier as the person i am today, vs. the person i was 6-10 months ago. at the time, i was in denial, but i was on a path that i really was not truly happy on...sure i had fun, tried some things i had been dying to do...but did they really matter in the end? i mean, some things were just stupid and whatever. but some things, i really wish i had never had to experience... well...

now i have to head off to the twilight movie!!!! lol we got 12:30 pm showing tickets, cuz we were too late for the midnight showings...lol

i'll finish my thoughts on this when i get back...

averagejane signing off

election day

hey...so i'm sittin here at work, feelin really restless....it's crazy... cuz i have work to do, so i shouldn't be bored...yet i am.. i want to type and such, but i don't want to type my work. i just want to babble on here...lol i know i'm crazy!

but so more on life and musings 'bout it. well today is election day! i voted! lol it was my first time really voting...like i voted in the preliminaries, but this time it was the real thing... like i was making a choice about the president for real. and other such offices in my state. i think the one thing i would do better next year would be to read more about the candidates and propostions and ammendment propositions... i was able to read a little, but i wish i had known more, as i ended up playin e-ni-me-ni-mine-e-oh...lol that's how i would say it...but in other words...i just had to guess. lol that probably isn't the best way. but yeah...

anyhoo..so we wait in anticipation of tomorrow to see who will be our next president. i'll admit that i'm leaning very much away from obama. i have to say that is in part because of that obama wants to shut down the NASA program and that would be sad :( but ya...

so the work day is almost over! yay...he he well close enough to over :) lol well g2g

average jane signing off..

musings about married life...

hey... so it's the last hour of work... well actually now it's the last half hour :) yay!!!!

but i'm sittin here bored, so i figured i would blog!

well, life is going relatively well :) i must say life has been busy and there's been a lot of things to get used to so far. i'll admit a part of me misses the simplicity of life before. but at the same time it's worth the exchange for the life i have now. i'll admit there are trying times, but in the end it will all work out. it always seems to. and in the end i learn something and become a more adaptive person. it's hard on both of us to just learn to live with each other. lol i swear there are times i feel like i've screwed up, times i've failed jay. but then i see sometimes the feeling is mutual. and i'm learning even more about how we really need to communicate more. i thought i was doing good at that. but today i went and visited my family at lunch. and i kind of broke down. i am tired and sick today, and i've just been frustrated with little things and kind of let it all out. and my mom said to me, that i needed to discuss my frustrations with jay. that i needed to solve it with him. and it brought to mind something jay actually said to me about 3 weeks to a month before we got married. one night i was feeling like crap and ended up goin home early from his place. i did not leave in a good mood however. and it upset jay. and i wasn't sure how i felt at the moment either, whether i was running away from him particularyl or just wanting to be alone, away from anyone. and texting about it later, he said to me that he was worried that the same thing would happen after we were married, that i would leave him and go home to my mom. and i kind of came to when i was sitting there crying and realized that i need to remember that sometimes compromises need to be made and that i really need to work on my communication and that i can always improve in something...

but so i'm doing loads better now. i still feel sick, like i have a sore throat and a headache... but i'll be okay. cuz i'm skipping class tonight to get some rest. lol it also is an excuse to not do my presentation cuz i haven't managed to finish it cuz i've been sick this past few days... lol

well, g2g, work will be out soon :)

averagejane signing off...

tired lol

so i figured i should blog while my ipod is uploadin a few songs... then it went really fast and now i'm actually tired... so i think i will sleep...

but first i just had to say...i'll be married in just under 16 hours...lol how crazy is that!!!?!?!? lol but it's cool and i'm tired...so 'til after my wedding and honey moon, i bid you all adieu!

averagejane signing off...

hi! i know it's been awhile :D

hey! it's me...lol i know its' been a while...i've been busy...and now i'm stuck doing nothin at the moment at work, yet they won't let me go home :( anyhoo... let me explain...

So today is inventory day at my work. This means we close up our store to the public and we break up into teams of three or four ppl and count all the product in our store. however, we have way too much stuff to count it all in one day. so we have one or two days in october and one or two days in december. (or is it january....? ) anyhoo. so the key is the faster we get the count done the first day, then we may not have to come back on the second day... usually being on a friday/saturday combo... so here i sit having done both my count and audited another group's count...well partial audit cuz we couldn't find half the shit out there. that was the problem with our counting. we were assigned to a code that really only two guys know much about it... and they were dealing with the other 2/3 of the code... talk about screwed up.... but we eventually figured out the most of it. i was assigned to be just a writer... which was okay by me... lol i had a lot of codes to sort through to find the right one though...lol :) loads of fun.

but now i sit here with nothing to do. i am simply waiting for them to come and audit my codes and such. but they have to go through a few other ppl. i can't wait til i get to go. cuz then i get to go to jay's and watch a movie and eat some food...lol food sounds good. i'm also oober thristy lol been drinkin water and soda lots...

so life.... how has it been you may ask. busy! that pretty much sums it up... stressed and hectic also work well! But plans are coming along splendidly for the wedding. we have a place to have the ceremony and reception. we have jay's bishop that is goin to marry us. we will have a marriage license on monday :) hopefully... lol i have a dress, jay has a tux rented. my bridesmaids dresses are almost done, flowers ordered...cake ordered. announcements sent out yesterday/today... yah... most everything done.

as to life otherwise. lol there really hasn't been much other than wedding stuff for the past little while...lol except school and me packin up my room to move. school has been going decently. i've found that i can just go to class and read a book like whatever...( ie: Jane Eyre is what i've been reading lately...) just to get the attendance points and learn all i need to at home. i'm really learning nothing new in class. it's like a review of all i learned in jr. high.... and that's just sad that i already know all this stuff...i'm so bored. but then i go online and do the homework... i so could have taken this class online. which is what i'm considering doing for spanish 1020 ( i'm taking 1010). but yah...

then my other class is POLS 1100... which is american gov't and politics 101... it's really quite interesting i have to admit. we get into some really cool discussions and sometimes i feel like i know enough to actually put my opinion out there. the funny thing is that because of this class i find myself paying more attention to certain issues. like the whole bank bailout bill thingy... i find myself watchin the articles online to see what they are saying. i'm finding myself watching the stocks to see if they are going up or down in points, even though i don't get what the points really mean, besides that up is good and bad is down... lol but i really feel like i'm actually becoming more aware of things that i have wanted to know more about. that's why i'm glad that i was able to take this class. it does help also that jay knows somethings like this too...like some things with stocks and what is kind of going on in the political world....at least more than i do. it's kind of good. cuz that mixed with what i'm learning on my own helps me in my class. it's really quite neat! lol if i haven't mentioned that yet.

but yah...oh ! so i started packin up my room...it was quite funny actually. i knew right off that the most of my packing would be of my books and movies. the funny part is that i didn't realize that it would take all the boxes i had already collected, plus a few i borrowed from family..., to box just my books up! lol it was funny. then jay came over like last night. he saw the boxes and he said, " is that just your books?" lol i said yup! he kind of smiled and said... okay.. lol it was funny... but then again there won't be more than 4 or 5 more boxes with my other stuff... cuz i will probably end up throwing a lot of stuff out cuz they are worthless little trinkets i've gathered over the years... useless silly things. but i also got half my movies boxed up. gotta see if i have anymore just layin around the house.

so the first person just left... it's now 4:40 pm... i wish it was me leaving...however i aint that lucky...but it's all good. i got to work a little late...so it's okay. the reason i was late is silly though...at the time i was scared a bit though...or maybe shaken up is the better term. i was already runnin late and was gonna be about 5 min late... but then...well let me start from leaving my house.

so i left my house and was driving down to the main street, redwood road. i tried my little time saver move to turn right onto redwood and then flip a u-turn and head the other way...rather than waiting for a left turn light on my road. well i underestimated how fast a car coming my way on redwood was going, and decided to go for a quick turn. however, she was comin up way fast and i tried to speed up. the lady didn't even try to slow down until she was like 7 feet from hittin me. then she gets majorly pissed off at me! i know i made a stupid turn...i was at fault there honestly. but she didn't try to slow down til she almost hit me. then i take the first turn i can like up 50 feet into a parking lot. i decide to just take the back way back around and get back to where i can get to 47th south, which is the street i take to work. however, the lady comes up in her car next to me and speeds up to catch me and make me stop so she can yell at me from her car! totally scared the shit outta me. i thought for sure she was gonna do somethin to me. i mean i didn't even hit her or her hit me... there was no accident! and i kept sayin i'm so sorry! my bad! i'm sorry... and i was totally being sincere about it...honestly. finally the stupid b***** shut up! for a sec....she just sat glarin at me. i took that as my cue and left. she was still parked where i left her when i turned outta view. i really hope nothing bad will happen...i don't think there really is anything she can do. i mean...yeah i pulled in front of her and shouldn't have. but i didn't break any laws, i didn't cause an accident.. there's nothing she can get me on. and i said i'm sorry like at least 7 or 8 times. i was barely able to say that.... but yah... oh well, no use gettin worked up over it all.
anyhooo....still here and ppl are leaving...ugh...dang me having code six... oh well...well not much else to say. except i am so countin down the days! two weeks from tomorrow...lol
it's quiet here... i'm just listenin to the radio and such not too loud cuz there are a few ppl around...but i'm not worrying so much what i'm listening to... it's cool...cuz i think if i had to worry...i'd be so frickin bored!!! lol...97.1 zht is the best :) though i do love my U92...though i wouldn't risk listenin to that at work :) lol even with only a few ppl around lol...

well i'm just babbling now...so laters!!! :D

average jane out!

oh yeah! i love jay bunches!! lol a bushel and a peck!! :D he he he he he... (wow i am really tired ) lol

start of school again! :D lol

okay, so i shouldn't be on here bloggin during work time :D but at the moment i think i'm safe from gettin in trouble lol...plus i'm really bored!

well, i guess it's time for another update on just another day in life of averagejane...lol

so school has begun yet again. and even though i totally was registering last min, i still was able to get into some of the classes i needed to take lol. i am taking spanish 1010 on mondays and wednesdays, Political science 1100 ( American Govt.) on tuesdays... and lastly i have a yoga class on thursdays! lol this is gonna be fun! i really am genuinely excited for my classses...as silly as that may seem... :D it's gonna be fun to work around with my wedding though...lol

as to wedding details too...lol me and jay have finally, of sorts, set a concrete date. we are planning for October 18th! lol i hope that that will stay as our date. hopefully it will also work out for jay's brother to come up that day. I am actually really excited as i have found a first and second choice for where we can have the wedding...lol i hope my first choice works out as i really like the place just from the pictures. but me and jay hopefully will be able to go check it out this saturday...

hmm...and other news with me. well, i have been sick with a funky cold this past week here. today is the first day i've been really startin to feel better! lol it's cuz i finally had my mom help me find some stronger drugs lol :D turns out that the cold meds we have been buying are missing an ingredient they used to have :) lol psuephedrine i believe it's called. seems that ppl are using it to make meth! lol who'd a thunk? lol so you can still get it as an "over-the-counter" drug...but you jsut have to go to the pharmacist and show ID and sign for it lol :D so now i'm doin better.

lol but yea.. also , i'll be bloggin for the first time in a bit on jay's blog! lol he added me as an author :D so feel free to check it out :D

laters...
averagejane signing off :D

when harry met sally...or somethin like that :)

so i guess some of you have been waiting for details on the engagement lol :D so here goes...

well, about a month or so ago, jay told me about this cool meteor shower that i totally had to see :) and of course i said, if i can convince my parents to let me out til 3 or 4 in the morning watching it, and get work off the next day...i totally want to come :) why wouldn't i? lol more time to spend with jay. anyhoo...so that day finally came...august 11th at about midnight..

i was so stoked to go watch the meteor shower. jay came to my house around 11:20 pm to pick me up...originally it was gonna be midnight...then he just had to get outta his house earlier so he came over :D i was just watchin titanic cuz i've never seen it. so then i went out to meet him and we headed up. i was smart enough to at least bring a jacket and a blanket lol. but not smart enough to wear real shoes! :O i wore flip flops...lol anyhoo.

so we drove up to a little town just west of park city. it was called pinebrook i believe. for those of you familiar with jeremy ranch, it was that exit. there is this cute little park in the town that we went to. we first off went and laid on the grass. it was wet cuz the lawn was in the process of being watered by sprinklers....thank goodness we had a blanket that was okay to lay on the wet grass and wouldn't soak through lol. but it was cold! lol i know it probably really wasn't too cold temperature wise...but when you've been used to like 100 degree weather...lol

but after laying there for around 20 min, jay says to me that there's this park bench on the other side of the park, and that we should go watch the meteors from there. so we head in the general direction of it...though it was hard to see cuz it was way dark. lol thank goodness i noticed there were three big sprinklers in our path so we could divert and not get wet and more cold than it already was :D so we eventually got to the little path that led to the bench. as we got closer i noticed that it had a little wood covering over it. it was cute and i remember thinking..."that will get in the way of our view of the stars, but okay...lol" and as we got even closer, i noticed the little candles lining the pathway right directly to the bench and remarked, "oh what cute little candles!" lol i was oblivious (i found out later that jay had to keep so hard from laughing at my total cluelessness...lol and he was worried i would figure it out too soon...lol) but then jay stopped and turned and pulled me to him. he gave his little speech about how he loved me and other cute little things for my ears only...lol (sorry ppl) but then he reached into his jacket pocket, and went down on one knee. that's the moment when my head screamed "oh my god...ohmygod~!" lol over and over...and he asked me to marry him. and i of course said yes, with tears beginning to stream down my face ...*tears up remembering* it was so cute and i had planned to jokingly tell him no when he proposed, but there really was no way i could say no....not even joking...

so i am now officially the almost happiest and luckiest girl in the world! lol i say almost, cuz i will be the luckiest girl in the world when i am Mrs. Amy Shepherd...lol anyhooo...in anticipation of the question most everyone will ask, we are tentatively thinking mid-october for the wedding....lol

oh and i found this cute quote online from the movie When Harry Met Sally. lol it goes "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. " thats how i feel!! :D

and one last other piece of news i just received tonight lol i have another engaged friend! my friend courtney richins is engaged! lol i just hope she knows i'm so happy for her :D

well i need sleep. my brother comes home tomorrow. loads to do :D

OMG!!!

lol okay...i know it's like 3 in the morning...but this totally warrants a blog post...lol especially since i haven't blogged in a little while! and the title of this blog pretty much sums up how i'm feelin at the moment ! lol lol but....

I'M ENGAGED!!!! lol it's so awesome, exciting, scary...amzing....lol just a whole jumble of things. it feels weird to be writing this...to be thinking of jay shepherd, the love of my life, as my fiancè....lol like i'm so stoked, but my head is still havin troubles wrappin around the idea! lol i think i'm still in shock mode, as this is not what i expected! lol not this soon...lol can't wait til tomorrow...lol and i do mean tomorrow...lol i get to show my ring off at work! lol it's so cute! lol just simple and silver, with a cute little delicate diamond...lol i love it! lol

well, i'm gonna close. i'll write more details when i wake up later today! :D lol

one last note...actually. lol it's funny cuz i can't seem to keep a smile off my face. lol i'm jsut so giddy and full of energy..which is why i'm still up! lol i love jay....

laters

averagejane signing off! :D life is fantabulous...i'm engaged and have a fiancè! lol gotta keep sayin that to get used to it :D lol

hickeys...he he

Lol so here i am at work. i know i probably should not be goofin off on the net...but i just thought i'd blog a sec. lol



so let's just say that i have a few lovely little hickeys..lol not the first time. but i got one of the funniest responses today, from a customer. lol just to explain a little, i have a few along the line of my neck/collarbone...hehe... and i actually am wearing a higher collared shirt so they don't show as much. but the the collar keeps slippin a bit low.anyhoo, so this guy says to me, " did you get attacked by a vacuum?" lol i just kinda laughed and said " somethin like that." lol then he said, "nasty little suckers." lol it really made me laugh. he didn't say anything else, and then went on his way. so i assume he knew that they were hickeys...lol but yeah... that was my laugh for the day..

i think i've had some funny responses the last time i got a major hickey or two...lol i had the ladies in my office making fun of me..lol my favorite has to be Connie's reaction. She is probably late 50's to mid 60s...and she said to me, " back in my day, we would get them where you couldn't see them, where you could hide them." lol that totally made me laugh. i mean, jsut imagining her having to even need to hide a hickey! lol to be honest, i could see it...lol but it's just too dang funny...

oh yeah...then today, the ladies noticed somewhat of my current hickeys...lol made some comment about "did you notice the little trail on her neck?" lol kind of said it a bit softer than normal...lol but just almost a stage whisper...like to see if i noticed them lol it was funny.

lol oh and then i was telling my friend Callie, here at work, about the guy's reaction from this morning. and she said i should tell my boyfriend that real love doesn't need to leave a mark...lol it was cute! i might tell him that. :D then i told callie that well, i'm half to blame...hehe. anyhoo...lol

well that's all for now...good times :D i'm lucky today cuz my boyfriend is coming by to take me to lunch! yay! can't wait to see him! well, 'til later!

averagejane signing off

just silly me

well...here i am again, not like a month since my last post...lol let's just say i got home early and i'm in a blogging mood...but what else is new? lol

tonight has been a total flip of the the other night. i was freaking out and would have been okay if jay had left early and had some time to think to myself...tonight, i didn't want to leave. it's crazy. i guess now that i've had my major freak out, i should be okay for a while. i can't wait though, for that night that i don't have to say good bye. that i can just curl up in his arms, say goodnight and know i'll wake up next to him in the morning.

funny thing my mom actually said to me, she asked me if i was going to keep up this habit of late nights when i get married...lol i told her not so much. you see, i don't have to say goodbye, so i don't have to stay up all night with him, cuz i don't want him to leave. lol she didn't believe me, said i already had a habit of late nights! lol i told her she was silly :D i don't stay up late.... ;)

but yeah. i'm back at the point where it makes me really sad to say goodnight..but, it's all good...lol i'm strong. lol and i'll see him again in about 8 hours...lol well a little over 8 hrs...lol

i find that because i've been getting home late, i neglect my journal writing and my blogging, as i do my best writing at night...plus its the most convenient time to write...i also find my mind opens up most at night. that can be a good or bad thing...and sometimes scary. cuz i find my mind wandering where i really don't want to think about, cuz my thoughts can be somewhat depressing...other times, i find myself overthinking things, or thinking about things that i can worry about later...then again, there is usually one thing i enjoy thinking about, cuz it has to do with my best friend, the love of my life...the one i can't wait to have forever with! lol yeah...i'm guilty, i'm planning my wedding in my head...lol kind of funny, cuz growing up, i was a helpless romantic. yet, i was not the kind of girl that sat there and planned out exactly what her colors were, what her dress looked like, where she was getting married, how the reception area was decorated, etc. i had bits and pieces that when i saw cute ideas, that i would kind of store away for later...but now, i find myself looking at my friends weddings for ideas...lol like i had one friend just get married. she had her reception in an LDS church building cultural halll ( AKA.. the gym area). and she had this fabric draped over canopy style that was incredibly cute! LOL and i kind of said to jay...hmm...that is cute...and started thinking about it...lol but that's just silly me...

but yeah...probably should go write in my journal....

lol average jane signing off....

( love you jay....kisses) lol

dunno...

so i know i should be getting to sleep. after all i have to be up again in just under six hours...lol but here i am, half falling asleep, half wide awake, and fully in a blogging mood....

well, i know earlier this week, jay told me i needed to update my blog cuz i haven't written since the 5th...lol he's one to talk as he hasn't written anything since the 18th, of june...lol

so maybe i'll start with an update and see where that takes me.

wow...to be honest i don't know where to begin..my thoughts are all a jumble and can't seem to place any of it in some sort of order. guess i'll just start with whats foremost on my mind at the moment.

last week, i went on vacation with my family down to Moab, Utah...lol i know. not very far, but it was a small escape. However, wasn't the most brilliant plan as it was actually hotter than in Salt Lake. lol my idea to go there...silly me. But, i did mostly enjoy the trip. we got to see Arches and Canyonland, which i hadn't been to in 3 years almost. i got to convince my family to go to the fiery furnace cuz it really is a beautiful spot to explore. i really did enjoy the trip, once i got past missing jay so much. it's kind of funny. you don't really realize how much you see of a person, how much you take for granted, until you have to be apart. we were apart for a week and a half. yet i literally went crazy. on vacation...i was in a pissy mood half the time, a quarter of the time sluggish, and the last quarter, trying to focus on music and takin pictures so i wouldn't be pissy or sluggish. it took real effort to make it through the week i was in Moab. my family noticed it. i was texting him when i could, yet it was not enough. i talked to him a few times, which actually helped. kind of calmed me down, was good to know he was going as crazy as me. one time, as hard as this is to admit, i broke down. i don't know if being tired added to it all, but i was talking to my mom and she said to me, " you miss him huh..." and i replied "yeah..." and lost it. started to cry a bit as i was telling her how crazy i was going... its an odd feeling, yet good cuz it means i'm feeling something...that this all is the real thing. cuz why would i miss him so much if it wasn't love. i guess others could have their opinion on that. but, this missing him was different from mising anyone else. i just wanted to see him, to feel his arms around me. to know that he was still there and still loved me. thats all... the phone calls eased this ache.

i finally lost it though on sunday. i couldn't eat, cuz i knew i would only be eatin out of boredom and nothing else to do. i had things to do in my room, yet i couldn't concentrate. i thought maybe i'd watch a movie, but i couldn't focus enough to decide on one. i finally resorted to balancing my checkbook, with minimal concentration. i was in a funk and lost. i had finally gone over the edge. it was the weirdest feeling. my life felt...empty...pointless without him. i felt as if i just needed him there to be able to function. i've never felt so helpless in my life.

finally the day came that he returned. tuesday night. work was torture. i should have been able to focus on work cuz i was busy...but my mind was counting down the hours...the minutes...til he would be home. i even stayed after work to try and focus my mind elsewhere while i waited, as i knew i would just fall off the deep end if i waited at home. then finally....he was home. when he came to my house, the first thing i did was hurry out the door and pull him into a big hug, then of course kissed him. my life was back together...

we now have vowed never to spend more than 4 days apart. we can't handle it. he was going just as crazy as me while he was gone. Oh, btw, while i was gone on vacation, so was he. He, unfortunately was gone 3 days longer than me.... but it's all good now.

then, tonight...i had my first real "freak-out" about my relationship with jay. with me, a freak-out is bound to happen in any relationship. most often it ends in me breaking up with the guy because i get to a "what the hell am i doing" kind of realization. i've always broken up with the guy, not the other way around... so i guess it's been a bit easier for me. but, this freak-out point really threw me for a loop. it wasn't at all like the other few had been. there is that part of me that is saying "what the hell are you doing!" while the other is saying..." you love him, he loves you. what else do you need?" it's weird really. especially how it all went. because like all of today and yesterday, i've been having these freak out thoughts. like "you had your future all planned...finish college, get a degree, get a good job, make mega bucks, don't even think about marriage til 25 yrs old. etc." the one typical freak out thought. yet tonight started out normal. i was glad to be with jay, just content...then as we were heading back to my house, it was like something just switched in me. something snapped. i decided to walk in the middle of my residential street to home. it was about midnight...so the street was kind of empty. jay kept trying to get me to come back to the sidewalk, but i wouldn't be persuaded. i was kind of pissy and said i want to walk in the middle of the f---in' street...so he walked by me for a bit, then kind of gettin the distance i was mentally away...he went back to the sidewalk. i was reminded of when friends and i had walked these streets. how i was the crazy, independent girl. the one cool girl in the ward, according to my foster boy friends...lol good times. and a part of me misses that...life was a little more carefree then. i didn't care really what i was doing, it just happened. i didn't care about much of what i did... and it scares me a bit, to find myself feeling like i'm losing that crazy independent girl. becoming the girl that loses it when she is away from her guy too long. scares her that she needs someone in her life to make it complete. i was always saying that even though i was a helpless romantic, i needed no guy to complete my life. i always prided myself on being the one who loved less in relationship, that it was easier for me to detach myself once i freaked out...once i got bored. yet here i am, so blatantly gone. and that in itself scares me. yet through all this, jay remains a rock. i sat there just babblin away about all of this to him tonight... and he just listened...and told me he loved me. i told him he had to be crazy to love me....lol and yet one thing overall keeps me sane through all this, the fact that even though i am freaking out, i love jay. i cannot imagine having to live without him. with tonight, i think mostly i just needed to voice my freak out thoughts...i felt so much lighter, and much more calm and composed. jay just listened and when i was done, just pulled me to him and held me...and i just stayed there in his arms, content to be there, not needing anything else.

isn't it crazy how life can switch so fast....i say i love change and i do, yet major changes throw me for a loop. i can last a little while, but eventually it all catches up to me, and lets just say i suck dealing with change...that is one of my biggest weaknesses...oh well. i cope with it.

well, i think i've written my first short story :) lol this would be my cue to stop. as i am actually starting to fall asleep now. which is good. i need to be able to crash and just rest.

i close this, my diary of jane....

stir crazy...missin ppl

so i've been crazy busy today. i actually made myself get up at 7:30 ish, when my body woke me up. crazy i know. and then i just set to cleaning my room. lol got that done, organized my books, and then set about to actually vacuuming my room. crazy isn't it. i haven't vacuumed it in several weeks and god knows it needed it. not that it was disgustin or anything, just in need of sucking up little crumbs and bits of paper and dirt and such. it was actually nice to feel like i had cleaned all that. the next task i set out to tackle was to wash my flip flops. gross...lol but i wanted to wear them so it needed to be done. so i went to go wash them in the tub and was pulling back the shower curtain, when some of the grime on the shower curtain got on my hands...ICK!!!!! yah that was the motivation to finally take that down and wash it. now i couldn't throw both pieces of the curtain into the washer, unfortunately. no i had to take the plastic liner and hand wash it! lol i know heaven forbid i do things like hand washing something! lol so i took it out on the deck and set about tryin to blast off the more grosser parts with my handy hose...lol then i got a scrubber brush and some ajax cleaner. took me a while, but i finally finished it. lol then there was the matter of rinsing off all the cleaner stuff. cuz the water jsut kind of pooled on the curtain...kind of reminded me of a slip 'n slide. lol i was ready to get out a tarp and make a slip n slide! lol but yah... so then i ingeniously hung the curtain from my roof, like the overhanging part, and sprayed it down and let it dry.

lol while it dried i decided to go shoppin for some other things. went to albertson's for some frisby pizzas, went to walmart for a scrubber, went to party city for sparkler candles, then to zurchers for some friendship bracelets. lol found the coolest thing there too!~! lol i found chinese jump ropes!!! i totally was stoked to see those~!! i havent' had one since elementary and i was in fact talking with my family about them the other day and i commented on how i couldn't find them anymore, wasn't even sure they sold them anymore. so i was overzealous and bought four of them! lol they were only like a buck a piece! lol so then i came home and had lunch...then napped. i was pretty worn out. just as i was laying down to nap though, got a text from jay...lol told me how he had fun horseback riding...lol i want to ride a horse someday...lol sure i will!

so then i got up about 4:30 and finished off my pizza for dinner. then i went about getting my shower curtain back up, cleaned more of my bathroom, then finally tackled cleaning my flip flops. i decided to be smart about it and just tackle half of them, seeing as i'm not sure i would have the patience to tackle them all. lol i have like 15 or so pairs i think. i need a few new ones cuz some are looking a bit ragged...lol anyhoo..

so then i just kind of started texting ppl while i was cleaning my flip flops...i kind of was starting to go stir crazy in my house...needing to get out...i first texted my boyfriend...took him a bit to answer...lol he was headed back from riding horses....lol he must be tired. i was missing him though. its crazy cuz i just saw him the night before. but i just was missing him . and i hate texting him much though, cuz i don't know why, but i just sometimes get the feeling that maybe he is just sick of me, or doesn't really wanna talk to me. i don't think this is really the case, but this feeling comes from the impersonal feeling of texting someone. like you can't get their tone of voice from a text, or their facial expression or anything...and i just worry too much.

so when i didnt' hear from my boyfriend at first, i texted my friend, ty, to see what was up with him. he didnt text back....so i texted my sister rachel. she texted back first...so i chatted with her. and we ended up setting up plans to go to a movie tonight... i need to get outta my house. i think i'll go crazy otherwise. cuz i'm just sick of being here. and i am missing jay...lol i need to get my mind on something else. i am crazy...

lol well...so today went okay... but i gotta go now, gonna meet my sista for a movie...

laters....

lure of the dark side

so...i can honestly say i'm the happiest i have ever been. my life is almost perfect. i say almost cuz there are still hard days at work (lol) and still waiting for "someday" to come. (sorry no more explanation on that...) but i'm patient..sometimes. right now is one of those times.

just got in about a half hour ago from being with jay...lol i'm devilish...lol nevermind. but, i was high on cloud nine, then i heard a snippet of a song i absolutely love. however, it also has connection to my life before...before jay, before i realized where my life was headed. and i guess a part of me still thinks that maybe part of where i was headed wasn't too bad. i guess a part of me is still drawn to the dark and dismal. still wanting to just lose myself in it. the song that i heard part of is called "bring me to life" by evanescence. for those of you not familiar with it. let me paste in the lyrics here... of course it's better with music.

How can you see into my eyes like open doors
Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb
Without a soul
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home

(Wake me up) Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up) Wake me up inside
(Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up) Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up) Before I come undone
(Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become

Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life

(Wake me up) Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up) Wake me up inside
(Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up) Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up) Before I come undone
(Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become
Bring me to life

I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside
Bring me to life
Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead
All of this time, I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul
Don't let me die here
There must be something more
Bring me to life

(Wake me up) Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up) Wake me up inside
(Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up) Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up) Before I come undone
(Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become
Bring me to lifeI've been living a lieThere's nothing inside
Bring me to life

you know...just posting the lyrics i've also gained some more insight into the song. it's dark and dismal...yet, it's talking about love. like this girl feels like she is dying without her love near. she feels as nothing without him...kind of depressing love...but still...anyhoo...

so this song really was my song for a while, or at least i felt it is. at points in my life, i felt as if i was pretty much nothing...that i really was just a disappointment to my parents. that i wasn't the daughter they had wanted. for some reason that hurt, and my way of dealing with it was to just be a bigger disappointment. to just go do something else stupid. whether they knew i did it or not. staying out at a guy's place til 3 am once...stupid, but then i also felt my parents didn't notice or care, so i kept doing it. led to things i didn't want. things that i'm now strong enough to do something about, instead of being a coward and saying nothing.

i am a different person than i was a year ago. some better, some stronger....some parts a bit worse. some worse for the wear. however, this is me. i better get used to it. i have some amzing things that have come to me. some amzing ppl. ones i hope to never to have to find how i'll live without them

i also find it amzing to think about the dark side...how alluring it is. what is it about the dark things that lure us in? get us caught in a tangled web. one so crazy sometimes we wonder if we will ever get out. one so appealing that we wonder if we really want to leave, ever want to escape. i know that many times in my life i've gotten hooked into it. not really wantin to leave. still do some days. then something comes outta nowhere and pulls me out. usually it's jay. i somehow get into a funk, then i'll see him. he'll pull a goofy grin and i just can't help but pull outta that dark place i was in. and half the time, or more, i don't think he knows i was in that dark place of mine. he thinks i just look serious all the time...oh well, he knows now. it's crazy though. just how easy it is to fall, how easy it is to just not want to get up, to just stay there forever....

a song just popped to mind. when i told a friend just today, how serious things were between me and my boyfriend, he asked me, "can you see yourself with anyone else?" and i told him right off...."no. i can't". and he asked me..." are you sure? cuz that is very important" and i thought i was sure of myself, yet for some reason, just his "are you sure" sent my mind a flurry. like i had stated my answer at first with no hesitation....but then the logical part of my mind kicked in. i've only known this guy really and truly a month and a half...is that well enough to decide if i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him? and hence the song that popped in my head. it's from cinderella. pretty much this is how it goes, " do i want want you because you're beautiful? or are you beautiful because i want you? ....do i want you because you're wonderful? or are you wonderful because i want you? are you the sweet invention of a lover's dream? or are you really as wonderful as you seem" yeah...kind of pretty well describes my thoughts... do i want to be with him, cuz i just want to be with someone...or do i want him because i love him, because i care for him most in this whole world. and you know....i love him...i know that with all of my heart. i just worry and such over the most silly things. i think over things too much...one of my faults...i let my head take over when i need to listen to my heart.

but i bet you all can just guess now from seeing my style of writing, what time of day i write each post. you'll find my more thought provoking, deep, dark, dismal posts i post later at night. it's when my mind truly comes alive. the funny, cute, just crazy posts, more often than not come during the day. lol

well i really should sleep....laters...happy fourth of july
averagejanesigningoff....

lots to think about

so this has beena most interesting day at work. by interesting, i don't necessarily mean a good interesting...it began with me being told that cindy, our purchasing agent is no longer with us....meaning she was fired. i was shocked! this is so sudden...she was just into work yesterday and when she left work, i would not have guessed i would not see here again. even to come clean out her office. but now she is gone and i wished i had told her how much i really did like her. but yah...it's made me think a lot today. kind of made me a little worried about my job and think of what a friend of mine, who was fired from here about 7 or 8 months ago, told me. he said to watch my back and just be prepared in case i ever had to really worry about my job. and now ....i dunno...just a bit worried, while at the same time okay... cuz i know i am doing okay...trying to do the best i can in my position...

then another person was also just fired today. dustin, a guy in the warehouse. and then i look at all those fired in the past month or so. robert, derek, dustin, cindy. and it's weird. this is the most ppl we have ever fired like this. like i mean we have fired maybe 2 or 3 warehouse guys the whole time i've been here. then, now we have fired 3 in a month and also a higher up person. it's just like wow... makes me really look at how i am doing in my job and just trying to keep doing the best i can.

anyhoo...not so depressing! this is a really good day! i am in a fantastic mood and not falling asleep! lol well gotta go...lol laters!

averagejane signing off! :D

hm....

so i told jay i wouldn't stay up too late...in fact he made sure i was home so i could get some sleep. and i promise i will but not until i update. i'm in a blogging mood...lol but this won't be a long one.

every night it is getting harder and harder to say goodbye. i know that it's only for a day...but still. i want to be with him every moment! lol i know....crazy huh...Amy this crazy over a guy. didn't think it was possible. i've already passed the point in relationship where i would have normally gotten bored. i would have broken up with him a week or two ago if this was any normal relationship...but it's not. it's a million times better, more real. it's the real thing...can't think of any other way to put it. this is the kind of relationship that will last. the kind that makes you actually okay with growing old, cuz you know that you will have someone to grow old with. someone who will love you no matter what. someone that you will love no matter what. someone who can never get enough of you...that just seeing them, being in their arms is all that matters. life is complete when they are around. sure you are still your own person with your own ideas, your own dreams. but, when you are with them, it's like that missing piece you have been searching for, is suddenly there and you see the whole picture...see what this life is all about. see what love truly means.

over the past few weeks i've been stumbling across some quotes about love. some i've used in my IM screen name. some have been in jay's. however my two fav. are below

"When you are in Love, you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams." ~Dr. Suess

"Love isn't something that you find. Love is something that finds you." ~Loretta Young

but ya...it's crazy...i always told myself i have too many dreams to let a guy get in the way of them. i have too many places to travel to. just gonna forget about romance. then, along came jay. to be honest, i really was like oh he's jsut a friend, someone to have some fun times with. and now that it's gotten so serious between us, i kind of look back on that "2nd date" (lol) and just laugh... but also to be honest. how i feel scares me. and i guess i'm still a bit scared to let go completely and let my heart lead, cuz another part of me still looks at all the dreams i have and doubt. it's hard. way hard....but, a thought came to mind. there is some movie where the mom is telling her kids about the dreams dad gave up to marry and have a family. so i guess it goes both ways, in giving up dreams, or at least packing them away. but, my heart is winning still, no matter. i love jay and i would give up most anything to be with him. i guess this is also about growing up. realizing that sometimes you have to put away some dreams, at least for now, for better things to come. and maybe your dreams will change...i know mine have a bit in part...like i used to just say i would travel the world alone. because i had my own agenda, no one else would want to do what i wanted. but now i want to share that with jay. i mean i still want to have my own adventures and travels...but i want to share most of them with jay...

well, now that i've admitted that i'm scared and such...i'll close this entry.

i shout this out into cyberspace first. Jay Shepherd, I love you with all of my heart. I am the luckiest girl in the world.

averagejane signing off!

shouting from the rooftops...sorta!! :D

okay...so i know that i should be getting to bed but i had to blog at least one part of tonight...lol i love being with Jay. i do crazy stuff you read about in books, but never think you'll actually do. but you all have probably heard, or read of, in books or through friends, of the whole being so in love, you want to shout it from the roof tops! lol well, we didn't exactly shout it from the rooftops...lol we were up in millcreek canyon and as we were just about down from the hike, to the start of the trail, jay stops and says "i've always wanted to do this!" lol so then he shouts at the top of his lungs, "I'M IN LOVE!!!!!" it was about 10ish pm. lol there were i think two hikers still a bit behind us...lol so then, totally acting on impulse, on a giddy feeling, i yelled at the top of my lungs, "I LOVE JAY SHEPHERD!!!" lol it was so funny~ i totally laughed and was like i can't believe i did that... but it was so cute, and then jay said do you know any good rooftops? lol that was funny. but one of the most memorable parts of the night... of course anytime i am with jay, it is always memorable...always the best! lol

had a good discussion on the trail about fate and destiny...lol talked about our "later boxes" lol totally between us...lol i hope i never lose him! cuz i never want to let go...never thought it was possible to love someone so much, to want that happily ever after forever. now i've found it, and let me jsut say it's better than all those fairytales...by 100% lol :D

sending all my love to jay...
averagejane signing off...

life is crazy!

so here i am sitting at work falling asleep. so why not try to stay awake by updating about the fun this past weekend! lol JK.

well, let's see...i wrote friday so i'll begin with saturday. saturday was quite the adventure! it was crazy, fun and tiring. the day began at 8:20 am...lol i was awoken to a text from my boyfriend, jay. he he. it was funny cuz usually i am already awake. but it was just funny. :D so then i got outta bed and got to cleaning house! lol that's kind of one of the stipulations of saturday. jobs are a requirement to be done before going out with friends. the jobs are easy though, like clean the kitchen and do dishes. and clean front room and the bathroom. :D but yah got those done with no problem. then around 1:30ish i went geocaching with jay, and we brought my parents along with us!! lol it was fun actually. we originally had just planned on bringing my dad, but then jay said to invite anyone that wanted to come. so it ended being me and jay, & my mom and dad. lol at first it was a little odd...lol but it was really entertaining to watch my dad get so excited about using the GPS...lol then just about as entertaining was to watch my mom get all confused and worried about using the gps and not sure as to what direction it was telling us...lol jay totally took it all in stride...

------------------------------------------------

okay so back a day later to finish this...lol didn't have as much time as i thought yesterday :D so here goes...

well, left off at our geocachin adventure :D well, the really fun part, (not) he he, was when we had to go into this totally mosquito infested spot...lol i think i totally got like 10-20 bites just from there, and that is the most i've had in like a year or two...lol maybe more..but ya..we all survived! i was the only one dumb enough to wear shorts! he he. that's where i got most of my bites. so yah. then we got finished with them all by about 4:30 or 5 pm. fun stuff...then i had a break to go home, clean up, have dinner, and then get all purdied up for my cousin's wedding reception. jay was invited to come along and i got to see him all spiffed up again! lol he was totally wanting to match my outfit, so he was disappointed when i told him i would be wearing a pink dress, cuz he had no tie or shirt that really went with that....( of course he was thinking light pink...lol)
but so me and jay drove up to the reception separate from my family, cuz we had plans to go elsewhere after. so we got there actually a bit before they did, we even were early to the reception cuz we were to help with the refreshments. lol i felt bad at first cuz i was enlisting jay's help like that, but he assured me he was totally okay with it. in fact, he told me that even if he had been asked simply as a normal guest, he would probably have been asking how he could help...lol that's just jay for ya! :) but yah, so me and him ended up manning the water table and making sure all the guests had water to go with the dessert. lol the dessert was funny, to me. my cousin just wanted ice cream sandwiches with chocolate sauce drizzled over it, then with chocolate strawberries on the side. it actually turned out looking kind of cool. lol liked the strawberries. then what was funny is that there was a table with candy in jars, and there were spoons to dish it all out and help yourself! lol loved that table. they had mini gummy bears and me and jay munched on those. lol but overall, it was really cool.

oh! and finally like just before the whole thing ended, my cousin threw the bouquet!! lol i was joking with jay about catchin it...lol then his comment to me, " if you catch the bouquet, so help me..." really made me go out there to catch it. lol i even had to lean over the little girlie's heads to get it. lol but no one got hurt! lol so then after i caught it, i turned and looked at jay and he was shaking his head, kind of blushing and laughing...lol he kind of ducked out of sight for a bit. lol it was great to see his reaction! lol made me really laugh. found out afterwards that my mom actually looked his way and gave him a look as i caught it. lol then we convinced him to go out and catch the garter...there were three single guys there...lol my other cousin actually ended up gettin the garter . lol jay didn't try. he he. i think we embarrassed him lol. but it's all good. my aunt of the cousin whose reception it was, she said to me and jay, "you only have to catch one for it to work" meaning since i had caught the bouquet, we still could get married...lol gotta love family!! :D lol oh and i had one cousin askin my sister how she felt about me almost gettin married. lol it's funny what ppl assume he he...no matter. so that was the reception. me and jay left shortly after that.
so then, we were supposed to go to tyler's place so jay could look at his computer...and watch the first star trek, but tyler had to cancel last minute. so jay called up mel. and within the next half hour we were at her place, and ready to begin introducing me to star trek..lol ( the new star trek movie comes out in may, supposed to have been christmas this year, so jay told me i have to be completely up to date by then, cuz we are going to the midnight showing of it...lol ....in costume! he he) anyhoo. i got to be all comfortable and cuddle with jay! :D total bonus! lol i have to admit though...i was sorta fallin asleep during the movie...lol partly my own fault cuz i was tired... but it was a little hard to get into the movie. (sorry jay! ;D lol) but yah so then went home, got home by about 1 am...

hmm...sunday..that was the interesting day. i had an appt with my bishop for 4:15, that almost conflicted with jays plans so he couldn't be with me for my appt...but i was glad he was there to just see the face of the one i loved after that interesting ordeal. so the funny part is that jay showed up to my church and was waiting for when me when i got out. talk about a pleasant surprise. i wanted to just run up and hug him but i refrained..lol so then we jsut walked and talked for about an hour, then i had to go to my appt. Then i actually ended up waiting there for about a half hour or so more til i got to go in. but it went okay. i was glad to be able to come out to see jay sittin there. he is an amazing guy, more than i deserve. but i'm glad he's sticking around. :)

jay also ended up staying and listening to my lesson for FHE...lol it was on journals. it was one thing i could semi-teach about on short notice he he. then we just chatted a bit. and he had to get home. it was a good day. i love feeling that he will always be there for me. :)

then yesterday! lol what a fun day! i really had a great day. first off work went really good. not too busy for a monday. then i survived until closing time. about 4 pm though, i texted my friend elise who i had kind of neglected. i totally told her i would call her on thursday night and spaced it til the next day and then promptly forgot after remembering...i'm a terrible friend. but then i was all like what's up? and she kind of sent short texts back and i kind of got the idea she was mad at me. and i felt guilty. then she half joking said, you can stop by work and say hi! lol she works out in riverton while i'm in murray. nevertheless...i totally went to her work as soon as i got off and ended up spending about 40 min. there. i'm glad i did it cuz it gave us time to jsut chat and catch up a bit. i loved it. but then, i got a text from jay saying...what's new...lol i waited about 20 min til i texted him back cuz i was still with elise..lol but then i went home, beat jay home lol, and then we went over to tyler's place. jay looked at his laptop...while me and ty started on star trek 2...lol it is actually a good show. about halfway through the movie, jay was finished diagnosing ty's computer, so i went and got to cuddle next to him. :D yah...he he. so i was really comfortable and enjoyed the movie. enough to watch the 3rd one right after...lol as that movie went on we got more relaxed. soon we were laying on the couch watching the movie. talk about comfortable@! lol i kind of fell asleep for maybe 5 or 10 min...lol. but it was so comfortable in his arms, i feel i could have stayed there forever....:) anyhoo, eventually had to get home...lol but that was that night.

tonight...i got to go watch jay rehearse for his play. it's gonna be an interesting play...lol can't wait to see it all in costume and all the set...lol :D some parts of the play i laughed at cuz they reminded me of jay and me. lol jay knows what i mean...lol coolio stuff...it was funny. cuz i was kind of included some in the joking in between running the rehearsal. lol one bit made me blush profusely@!@ lol jay says it's cute...lol i'll take his word for it. oh the funny thing about blushing though, is when i do blush, you know it. i go beet red! like no in between blush...it's all the way. lol anyhoo...i enjoyed myself. but, then the fun of having to say goodbye. i have the hardest time. but tonight i told myself that i really needed rest. of course then i come hop on the net. lol but almost finished.. i need sleep. its just i need to say real quick here. i love jay, more than i thought i could ever love anyone. it's the purest, sweetest, most amazing feeling in the world. and i have it :) i smile just to hear his voice, to see his face. my knees go weak at his kisses and i can't seem to think straight. i stay up long hours, just to be with him. yah...i'm so far gone. and i couldn't be any happier. :)

good night...

averagejane signing off...

~no explanation~

wow! so i totally just have to blog about today! like it is one of the best days i've had at work in a long while. The day actually started out interesting cuz i was totally tired lol. It's totally my own fault, but i will definitely admit it! he he. anyhoo, so i was at work, determined not to drink a mountain dew, though i was craving the taste of it, along with knowing that the caffeine and sugar in it would wake me up and give me some extra energy. The reason i was determined not to drink it is because of a informal bet with my boyfriend, jay...lol He said i am addicted to caffeine and such. however i adamantly protest that i am not. i told him i would prove it to him by not having caffeine for a month. lol started out as just a week. anyhooo, i am getting sidetracked. so i broke down and bought one mtn. dew. mm....it tasted great! :D lol so about over the next hour or two, my energy was replenished...until i crash tonight...he he. anyhoo.

so then as the day progressed, because i was not feeling so tired, my mood definitely improved. i was feeling fantastic! i went home at lunch and was able to clean my room somewhat...he he. and i think just to be able to start to pull my room together gave me a sense of accomplishment. really helped just boost my mood even further. :D

then i headed back to work. and i was in the most fantabulous mood! it was like wow! amzing...he he. my mood just kept up and the day went by nicely. it slowed down for a while and it began to feel like it was a holiday weekend at work, where everybody is just heading out for the weekend so nobody was really coming in to buy stuff. it was really nice! and then my supervisor asked to see me at about 3:30ish. i got kind of nervous. i wondered what could have possibly warranted a trip up to her office. so i headed upstairs a bit nervous. i headed in and her first question was about an invoice that had my sales number on it. i explained what it was and that i hadn't written it. thank goodness i remembered that ticket!! he he. then she told me that it was time for the yearly evaluation. and she gave me a form to fill out and give back to her at a later meeting, once i was finished with it. then i happened to comment that i had wondered what now, kind of, when i heard she wanted to talk to me. then she said to me, you know you don't have to be afraid of me. and that's when i admitted that i was kind of scared of her. she just laughed and told me she could tell whenever she came down, by the look on my face. i told her that i was scared because of the rocky start i had gotten off to. and so then she said, with me, once we discuss something and resolve it, it's forgotten. so dont worry. and i said okay. and i left her office like 10 lbs. lighter. it was amzing! like i had gotten one of the best gifts in the world.

just now, i am realizing how my life is coming together in so many ways. and i have no explanation for it. it began with jay. and then continued on in three fold today. i dont' know how or why i have had all this happen to me. but i don't deserve it. though i am definitely trying to live to prove that i can one day feel i deserve it. funny thought came to mind about why everything was going right today. i had finally for sure made up my mind yesterday to talk to my bishop. and i asked jay to be there for me. partly for just support, a happy face when i get out of his office. partly to not let me back out. and he told me that he would so be there for me. and that was the best feeling in the world.

anyhoo. life is great! laters...

average jane signing off...

happily ever after...forever

growing up, every little girl hears the fairytales about how the princess gets the prince charming and lives happily ever after. and as every little girl grows up, those fairytales stay with her. sometimes that is what they base how a relationship rates on a scale of happily ever after. sometimes, a girl can get lost inside fairytales retold, thinking she will never find that prince charming for her. sometimes too, a girl can say that her fairytale won't happen like that cuz like the song called cinderella, originally done by i5 and remade by the groups Play and The Cheetah Girls, whose chorus is " i dont wanna be like cinderalla sitting in a dark old dusty cellar, waiting for somebody to come and set me free. i don't wanna be like snow white waiting for somebody to come and save me on a horse of white, unless i'm riding side by side..."

i admit that a part of me is totally like the song cinderella...that i don't need anyone to come "save" me. but the other part of me wants the other part of the story. the fairytale romance. every little bit. i want to be swept off my feet. but, this part is kept hidden more or less because of my not needing to be rescued feeling...i dont' know why i wrote this but anyways....the point is that i've found my "fairytale romance". and it happened when i least expected it. i can't believe i got so lucky...honestly. i know i've probably said this like a million times, but i don't care. it's just me expressing how i love life.! i love jay! there i said it so the whole world can know! lol i love jay and he loves me.

anyhoo, also, even while i was still more active in the LDS church, i was never one to really really want a temple marriage. like it sounded cool, but it was like oh, yah whatev. i kind of just assumed i'd get married there and yah...like i didn't really imagine getting married anywhere else or any other way. then especially once i really started drifting away even more from religion, i didn't care. and it didn't really matter cuz there wasn't anyone in the near future in my life, that i would have to make that decision with. and then of course i made some choices that now make it not possible, for now at least. then , along came jay. :D lol and my mom actually said to me, after i was tellin her how much fun i had had with jay, how much i had enjoyed my time with him, " can't you see now this is how it's supposed to be like in a relationship? can't you see now why some people would want this to last forever? " and the funny thing is , yeah it now kind of has slowly been coming more clear. i can see why ppl want to be together forever. if that were possible i would work hard for it. which is actually why i am in the process of working my ... issues...out. i want to have a chance at that happily ever after...forever.

but yah...life is great! lol i'm in love. and loving it! i'm going crazy during the day though cuz i miss jay tonz! then again i just miss him all day long. cuz even though i get to talk to him at night...i really wish i could see him every night. lol but i'll have to survive with just a couple nights a week...lol it just feels like my life is complete when he is around, like everything is perfect. lol cuz it is... anyhooo...

oh and i just have to mention how much i love this lady at my work. her name is shawna and she is my life saver and the most amzing person here. no matter what crap ppl. may say about her, she has always got my back. and i will forever be grateful for that. cuz actually just today or yesterday, joyce (my supervisor) was complaining to shawna saying " why does amy need breaks? nobody else in this company gets a break. " and shawna said something to the effect of, " she needs those breaks. she doesn't get to wander the store. she is stuck at her desk." and joyce was all like, " oh is it that bad?" lol i love shawna!! :D he he

well that is enough for today!

laters

averagejane signing off!

falling....head over heels

kind of funny how some days ( or nights in this case) you really get to thinking about life, about things you do, why some names or things have significance in your life. i was just thinking about blog names. it took me a bit to understand my boyfriend's. lol then i found out the first significance is that it has a star trek reference... ;) felt pretty cool once i figured that out. but then i thought to mine. yeah...just a silly, normal title...but it's actually based off the title of a song that really had meaning to me especially at the time i created this blog. pretty much the song says, i'm trying to find my place in the diary of jane. i really liked the lyrics and kind of "adopted" , per se, the name jane, kind of just considering myself an average jane kind of girl. and when i began blogging, it was kind of in the middle of a part in my life that i really was trying to find out where i was going with my life. hence the part trying to find my place in the diary of jane...trying to find where i fit in my own life...and up until about a month ago, i still had no clue. well, of course i had the normal oh i want to go to college, get a good job, and travel. but i was still trying to figure out who i was, what i wanted to really get out of life. this was about the time i really realized that i didn't believe in god. i really didn't care about religion. but this past month...one thing has come into my life, specifically a person. someone that i have grown to care about beyond what i thought possible in just a short amount of time. sure i knew jay in high school...but we didn't really connect as we have now. i laugh when i think it is all thanx to face book that we are together...lol a part of me is wishing that i had found him sooner and been able to be with him. but to be honest, i think a great part of our amazing understanding of each other and our struggles, have come from having gone separate paths, yet similar, this past year. it has shaped us into the people we needed to be, before we could both appreciate this wonderful relationship we have.


tonight, we had the deepest, most soul-bearing conversation i have ever had with anyone. and for the first time, the response was not disappointment, or judgement. it was one of " i understand, i have been there." it was that way on both ends. and it amazed me how wonderful jay was about all of it...like i wasn't planning on having this deep of a discussion tonight...yet it just felt like the right time. and it turned out to be the best thing. our relationship has acquired a whole new depth to it. it's like....well, i can't even describe it. but it's the best feeling in the world. to know that you can tell someone how much you care about them, how much you just want to be with them, and know the feelings are reciprocated. to find that we are both far from perfect, yet so perfectly matched. to feel that i can trust them with anything...all of this combines into the greatest feeling in the world.


also, a song came on the radio today. it's called U got it bad by Usher. for those not familiar with it... here are the lyrics that really stick with me...



"you got it, you got it bad,
when you're on the phone,
hang up and you call right back,
you got it you got it bad,
if you miss a day without your friend your whole life's off track....
when you say that you love her and you really know that everything that used to matter, don't matter no more..."

( here's a link to hear all the song... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15bWP1O-bK0)

yah....that song just sticks with me, cuz i miss jay constantly... my life just feels almost complete with him just around...his absence pretty much creates a hole in my life, that can't be filled by anything else....yah...safe to say, i am falling for him...heck i have fallen...hard...and the hardest part is that my logical side is trying to tell me it's not possible...cuz i mean i have all my plans that are supposed to happen...i was supposed to stay away from getting romantically involved with anyone...yet here i am, so happy, so giddy...the luckiest woman alive...i have the greatest guy in the world and i hope i never lose him...cuz i've fallen hard....but it's not a bad thing...except for when we are apart... :) but yeah...not sure if i am still making sense...but i'm glad my life is on a better track...

well, i probably should sleep...g'night...

average jane signing off...

life is good! :D

once again i had the time of my life. mostly just because i was with jay. any time i can spend with him is the best...he is the best thing to happen to me. i'm so freakin lucky!!! lol

so today what did we do...lol we went to the clark planetarium and watched one of their IMAX shows. we have a duo membership there, so we figured why not use it. and i got to chose what we saw. lol we watched a film on mummies. it was way cool!!! i was so intrigued and would have loved to know more...lol must be my inner geek coming out. lol i try to repress it lol but i don't have to when i'm with jay, cuz he is just as geeky or more!! lol not that its a bad thing! i love it. because i don't feel like i have to explain things like 5 times until they get it. but yah...we had his sister kellyann along with us and she got bored i think watching it. lol but i had a blast! then we dragged poor jay along with us to some other stores lol. he's such a good sport. lol then we stopped in one of my fav. stores and jay loves it too. lol Barnes and Noble bookstore! lol gotta love books. it took all my will not to leave with an armful of books! lol we kind of teased jay by taking him into the astrology section, knowing full well he hates horoscopes and astrology...lol he was a good sport! lol we didn't stay there too long. lol but it's great that we have a mutual love of books! lol :D then we went on to bath and body works and we left after a bit cuz the mixed smells were getting to us both ... oh, then we decided to go to temple square lol. and the moment we walked in the gates, we were ambushed by this old gentleman that volunteers there . lol yes i mean ambush. like we had walked inside and been barely inside two seconds and he was like hi!!! have you been here before? lol but it was all good. and we ended up taking a tour. it was actually kinda cool..lol

but overall i think the best thing was just having jay near. i mean i was content to just walk along with his hand in mine, or his arms around me. i was comfortable and i didn't care who was looking. i feel comfortable in who i am and who i was with. most often, before me and jay were going out...i would just feel awkward somewhat on dates and uncomfortable with the guys...even though i liked them. like i was okay when it was just us, or with friends, but when i was out in public, it was awkward to me. i know it sounds weird...but that is how it was. then whenever i'm with jay, it's like none of that matters. i'm just with him and i don't seem to care much anymore. some things like us swinging our entertwined hands and skipping, lol, were totally me coming out of my bubble...but that is normal lol. though today it was fun actually lol :D lol anyhoo...so then, jay dropped me back at my house around 6 pm...lol we had been together for around 6 hours... :D but then we lingered on the doorstep. i didn't want him to go, and he didn't want to go either...lol :D i really am falling for him...:) life is great. it really is all going fantabulous~! can't wait to see him again...lol

well, laters...

averagejane floating off! :D

lovin life

*sigh* i don't think my life could be any more perfect than it is right now. i've got the best guy in the world...a job that is amzing....amzing friends...just everything is perfect. i don't feel like my life is just spiraling off into nowhere, like it has often over the last year or so. i would look at where i had been and mentally slapped myself. how did i get into the dumbest situations. you know...i will tell you. i was tryin so hard to break out of my "bubble", so trying to shock others, or prove them wrong, that i really wasn't choosing the things i really wanted, that i knew could not bring me anything but happiness. i chose the things i thought would make me happy, but that only lasted temporarily and i constantly set myself up for disappointment. but now i feel i've finally broke out of that pattern, come off that path. my life has taken a turn for the better, heck the best!!! my life could not possibly be much better than this.

two songs come to mind. one is called "i'm only me when i'm with you" by taylor swift. i love that song....just go on yahoo music to listen to it. but the part that i love is the chorus..." i'm only up when you're not down, don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground..." it's just cute...lol i've decided this song for various reasons is my song for jay...i mean he's never down! so that means i'm always happy. he makes me happy. i don't think i've felt this giddy and happy and floating on cloud nine! i don't think i could ever not want to be with him. and it also feels like i've known himf forever and that we have been dating longer than just almost a week. maybe that is cuz we have seen each other literally every night this week...lol or day as the case may be...lol and each time the only thing making it any easier to let him go, is the thought that i will see him in a few hours...lol well, sometimes more than a few. but still lol :D yeah...i feel so freaking lucky to have found a guy like this. i can't believe i am this lucky. he tells me he thinks he is luckier to have me, and i just say, i think i am so much luckier. how did i get such a cute, good looking!, sweet, adorable guy to be with me!?!?! lol yeah i really am lucky...and one thing i know for sure in this world....everything happens for a reason. and at the moment, i don't know why i got this lucky. but i do know that my previous relationships, even though they were crappy, had to happen so that i really could appreciate this great guy i have. jay is the sweetest guy i could ever hope for. i hope to not lose him...

but now that i have sufficiently babbled on about just jay...lol now i should probably mention what we did!~! lol we went to an improv show first off...well, that was after day murray music lol. but i loved the improv show! it was hilarious and i can't wait to go back next friday! lol me and jay have already planned that!! :D yay i think it's one of the times i have laughed the hardest in a long time.

then we decided to get something to eat when we got out. lol it was like 9 pm or 930, so we didn't eat until like 10 lol but then we hung at jay's house and him being a good guy (lol :D ) had to make sure i was home before midnight... i stalled a few times lol....he he ...he he...ha. but yah funny stuff...but lets just say that once again, jay amazed me at how amazing he is....

so i finally came home at 11:30 ish...and stalled more on the porch..lol (just one more jay...lol he he : D ) but i just couldn't resist....i had the greatest guy in the world in my arms...would you want to let go if you had the best person in the world with you? :) anyhoo...

well, i should go to sleep! i get to see him in 11 hours and 42 minutes!~~ :D yay!!! *kisses to my guy*

avearagejane floating away on cloud nine

oh p.s.. lol i forgot to mention the other song in my head. it's called "some hearts" by carrie underwood...the part really sticking with me is " i've never been the kind that you call lukcy,always stumblin around in circles, but i must have stumbled into something. look at me am i really alone with you...." lol *floats away...*

*sigh*

wow...lol so this is new to me.a different kind of relationship than i've had in the past...but i think the best i've had so far. there is more respect than i've ever experienced...it's simple and cute...it's fun, and i've missed that. the not having to wonder what the guy really wants. when he is just content to have you near, hold your hand, wrap his arms around you. i love it. yes, it is all still very new...and to be honest if someone had said a week or two ago, "he's just your type!!" and that we would be perfect together...lol i would have said they are crazy...lol wait! someone did say that...lol my friend elise did just that....my response was...' oh he's a great guy, really nice and funny...but nah...it wouldn't be anything other than friends..." yet here i am. incredibly happy and in a relationship with jay...a really sweet cute relationship. i know that is the last words a guy would like to have used to describe them...but, they are the best i've got to really explain how i feel....like when i just feel his arms wrap around me. when i feel his hand brush mine, entertwining our fingers...lol i just think thats so cute...and i'm not normally a cutesy girl like that! and best of all he makes me laugh. i can't think of anytime that he hasn't just even made me smile. it's great.

looking back on past relationships, i see where turning points were, where i let relationships lead down someplace, or places, i realize i didn't really want to be. i see that though i felt i had to experience all different things and just let myself open to new ideas, some experiences didn't really need to be had. i don't know if given the chance i would go back and skip some things...because maybe i had to learn the more difficult way. i know some experiences have made me stronger. some have made me appreciate the simple kindness, and simple cute ways a guy can express he likes you, really cares about you.

anyhoo...lol i've babbled enough, and been dwelling too much on the past. it's time to leave it there. i've jsut begun in a great relationship where i can honestly say i've never been happier...i am proud and stoked to wear his class ring...it's on a chain around my neck lol :D anyhoo..can't wait until i get to see him tomorrow....lol wait it already is tomorrow! he he. so tonight....:D anyhoo, laters.

average jane signing off

what a great day! :D

wow! i just had a really good night. it actually was a good afternoon into night. lol i ended up hangin out with my friend, elise, and jsut talking about guys and whatever else came to mind...lol then we decided it was okay for me to invite jay to hang with us...about a half hour or so later he shows up at the park we were at...lol then my friend decided to split and me and jay did some geocaching! lol he's got me hooked on that now. its really way fun! we did four around the area, and as we were finishing the last one, it was about time that the sun was setting so we just sat on the trunk of his car and watched the sunset. it was comfortable in his arms...lol oh did i mention we had kind of begun dating? lol but then i said to him at one point about how i was amzed he wasn't sick of me yet after seeing me like most every night of the week but like two nights! lol well, he just made this really cute comment lol then he told me he was kind of wanting this to be more permanent. i said that sounds great. so it's official! me and jay are going out...lol tomorrow he is going to give me his class ring to wear...lol how cute is that?!?!?! so oldfashioned and incredibly cute. lol

well i oughta get to bed as i have work tomorrow!!! he he...laters! : D

TWILIGHT! !!! ahhh!! :D

so i totally have to repost this!!! there is a teaser trailer out for only the most amazing movie coming out this year!!!! twilight!!!!! i am beyond stoked for this movie!@!! but i have to wait until dec. 12th. i am totally going to the midnight showing of this! if anyone, that is in utah, lol wants to come with me, let me know!!!! cuz i am going and nothing short of someone dying will stop me!


hee here is the link to the trailer! :D


http://www.imdb.com/video/trailer/vi2380464409/


averagejane signing off! :D

update pt. 2

okay time for update pt. 2!!!

so i made it through one day...lol here we go again. so then i had made plans to see j. again on sat. night but then had to postpone them until mon. i actually ended up celebrating my friend's birthday by seeing the forbidden kingdom. it was okay. i found it incredibly cheesy and really kind of boring lol. but hey it was my friend tyler's birthday! love the guy. lol but then i made it an early night cuz i was still tired from my thursday night/friday morning adventure! :D

so then i got to see j. again on monday night (apr. 28th). i went over to his place to chill for a few hours...we just watched some basketball in his room, just relaxing on ...lol and of course kissed...i'll leave it at that. but then we both remembered we had work in the morning so i made it home by midnight...lol so that was good stuff...

hmm...pretty uneventful week until thursdya night (may 1st.) tyler texted me about goin to a midnight showing and of course i said i will so be there. the funny part is that i thought it was speed racer that was coming out. lol nope! it was iron man. speed racer just came out today...lol but anyhooo, so i came home and slept a bit, then met up with tyler and a friend and went to iron man! we of course went to megaplex 20 at the district. Tyler's fav. theater! practically won't go anywhere else!!! lol but let me just say....amzing movie!!! i would totally go and see it again! tyler kind of didn't think i liked it cuz i react outloud to movies sometimes. lol and i'll just say i let the f-word slip twice. i dont know why cuz i really try to not use that one. but tyler tried to cheer me up by sayin i could call him a dork...lol total inside story on that one. but he's great! lol one of my bestest friends. then, the movie was over and we went back to tyler's place to get our cars. and mine wouldn't start! lets just say i must have been tired cuz i totally said to them, my car won't fuckin start. yeah i was tired and pissed and frustrated. but, that isn't an excuse. and tyler said to me after the other girl left, ' i didn't mention this in front of nicki, but when did you become such a big user of the f-word?' and that just stopped me in my tracks...i knew he didn't like swearing and i usually refrained from it. i really don't swear that much... anyhoo. i said to him, i don't know why i've been jsut swearing...i don't really use the f-word... but yeah...it was different to see him so serious and kind of just sad or something like that...maybe disappointed. that was what really shocked me. i guess it's one of my favorite things about him. his emotions. he shows what he is feeling and there is no halfway point. its all or nothing lol sometimes it's incredibly frustrating...but i love it most times. it's great and entertaining somedays....:) anyhoo, i'm babbling.

so, we got my car started by having tyler jumpstart it. it got running. but then i got him home and once i shut the engine off, everything just died. and it wouldn't start up again...i was so frustrated! lol i ended up taking my dad's car to work the next day cuz mine still wouldn't start on it's own and not have to be jumpstarted. but then my big sis graduated from SLCC!!! it's exciting. then i went to meet them for lunch and ended up waiting half an hour for them, before i gave up and just left to run some other errands. by the time they actually showed up to the designated meeting spot, i had to just stop in for one min. to tell them my lunch break was over. for some reason i was really frustrated by having to wait and all and just was about to cry and ended up skipping lunch... i think my frustration was due to being tired and already frustrated with my car. anyhoo... so then that night me and my big sis went and saw MADE OF HONOR. it was a cute show. i think i wasn't as impressed cuz i kind of already was expecting too much of it. i think that is why i liked iron man cuz i really hadn't seen anything about it except some teaser trailer. i didn't know what the story was about really. ;D lol but before the movie, we went to dinner at arctic circle. lol we coudn't decide whether we wanted chicken or hamburger so this is what we got. lol well i got a jr. bacon cheeseburger, chicken rings, cheese breadsticks, small fry, and a chocolate fudge brownie shake. lol needless to say we didn't completely finish it all! lol but it was fun!! i might do it again some time... but then after the movie we went home cuz i needed rest.

hmm...sat. (may 3rd) i spent the morning figuring out my car. and it somehow fixed itself, sorta. my dad added some water to my battery, and it seemed to help it...lol don't know if that will be a permanent fix or not...lol i hope nothing else is wrong! but then that afternoon i went on bike ride with my dad and lil sis. it was loads of fun! lol i really will do it again soon. then, that night my family went to sizzler to celebrate my mom's birthday from like two months ago.. lol shows how busy we have been! lol but it was yummy. then i went to a wedding reception with my big sis. and then we went and saw the movie JUMPER. it was a good idea for a story, but it wasn't very well done. it had a very intriguing idea, but the story was kind of confusing and some parts werent explained very well...but yeah!..

hmm...so this week...nothin really happenin'. lol well on tuesday (may 6th) i went to dinner and a movie with friends. my friend elise and i went to eat at wingers. it was my first time. i got a sticky fingers wrap. it was pretty good. then somehow she convinced me to go to a scary movie. i went and saw prom night. but to be honest, it wasn't as scary as i thought it was gonna be. lol the funny part is that my friend elise convinced me to call j. up and invite him along. i finally got the guts to and he didnt' answer. lol so then i called my friend jay and he met us at the theater. it was funny, cuz he said to me at the beginning of the movie, "feel free to grab me at any time" lol cuz elise and him had joked that i would need to hold on to him cuz i was scared. i dont really like scary movies. but the ones i go to, i do better with ones that can be explained rationally rather than some supernatural creepiness... anyhoo i survived!!! with no nightmares! lol then the best part was after. me and elise decided to drag state street! lol i've never done that before and we just blasted our music! lol it's amzing we didn't get pulled over. we passed at least three or four cops when i was either blatantly speeding or blatantly trying to quickly brake! lol it was total pure luck! i must have a dang good guardian angel! lol but then on the way back south on state street, we kind of got into a little race with this kind of cute guy in a sleek little silver car. lol it only lasted a few blocks, but it was a blast! lol we were laughing our fool heads off! then we stopped at a 7-eleven by elise's house and the first thing she said is "oh dang the gay guy is working" well she and her friends thought he was gay cuz he just was an interesting character. lol but it turned out to be a friend of mine that i knew from a college class...lol and he is not gay. lol it was funny cuz i think we spent like a half hour just talking about school and how things were going for him up at the U. lol it was cool to catch up. but so then i dropped elise off and got home about 12:30 am on weds. may 7th. lol i was tired at work.

hmm...then thursday i had the most brilliant idea to ride my bike to the library to get some books, rather than taking my car. lol lets just say it's uphill to one street, then downhill to the library. so, i about died on the trip up hill! lol it was funny. my muscles hated me. lol when i walked in the library, my legs felt like jelly! (lol blackberry jelly for those smartasses who would ask what flavor jelly! : D ) lol but it was relatively okay gettin home. and bonus- i saw my friend art pass by in his truck and he waved at me! lol he's funny and i haven't seen him in forever...lol he took the shell off his truck and it looks loads better. lol and he's still as cute as ever. but yeah it was really cool!! :D

okay now to yesterday. we found a kitten outside in our yard at work and claudia came to me to see if i wanted to adopt it. and so i decided to take it home and take care of it. the guys at work totally hooked me up with some milk replacer as the kitten was still a newborn with it's eyes still shut. but last night i couldn't sleep because all it would do was cry and such like it was hungry, but it wouldn't drink much from the little bottle i had. oh and we named it sammy cuz we weren't sure of the gender. lol but so this morning i brought the kitten to work to see if a customer would like it. but then i ended up giving it to the humane society to raise and try to adopt it out. my mom helped me by taking it to the humane society and the lady there judged it to be less than a week old.

but here i am at work tryin to survive. it's been crazy and such being the one running the joint. i don't have any bosses her and it's been loads of fun trying to just work everything out. but at the same time i like it. the only problem has been dealing with getting lunch. work pays for lunch on the saturdays we are open, but we have been having pizza ordered in most weeks and the guys are sick of it. but i couldn't get anything on short notice other than pizza so that is what they got!!! lol

well, that is what is happening with me!!! lol longest post ever! but tonight i have a date with my friend jay. lol we are going to desert star theater and i'm kind of excited. lol well, time to close up finally!!!!! :D yay

average jane signingoff...:D