cookies and guys, what a combination

so last night i had a lot of fun with my friend liberty belle. she and i made cookies. it was the most random thing because normally me cooking is not even an option. she just said like two days ago, that she felt like making cookies. so yesterday we did. we were gonna do it at her house, but her pipes were rotted and decaying and had to be fixed. total pain in the butt for her. so we ended up doing it at my house. which actually turned out to be tonz of fun. we made chocolate chip cookies and snickerdoodles. but the snickerdoodles were special cuz they were christmas cookies. they had red and green sugar crystals. i thought they were pretty cool because my mom and i always make them around christmas time. and we had to make snickerdoodles because liberty belle's friend that we were gonna take cookies to, well, this friend's favorite cookie is snickerdoodle. but, we made chocolate chip also cuz who doesn't love chocolate chip cookies! :D

but, so it took us around and hour or so to make the cookies plus travel time from her house to mine. but, then we delivered the cookies. so we took them to liberty belle's friend , army man and slypig. three of the most special guys! hee hee! but, anyhoo, so we stopped by slypig's house first as it's closest to my house. even as we left to deliver i knew we were cutting it close cuz i had a performance to be at in about 4o min. but, i think we totally surprised slypig when we showed up with cookies. and i'm glad. it's more fun that way! : D but, we stayed and talked for a minute, then it was on to liberty belle's friends house. we were invited in and i have to admit. this friend was not exactly what i expected, even thought i had seen pics of him. but, he was funny and really nice and i told liberty belle i totally approve. but, anyhoo. i met this friend's mom. and she was funny and cool. but, we stayed a bit too long at that house, cuz we had to rush to army man's house. and i have to say i was a bit nervous to go. because i don't know how everything stands with him right now. but, then he answered the door and i kind of told him we brought him cookies. and i have to admit my first thought was oh my gosh. he looks so hot. and he really did. he looked cute cuz he had on this white t-shirt and pants and he just looked relaxed like it was just another day at home lounging around. and i don't why i'm being so bold in just typing all of this. but, he did look really cute. and i kind of said that i had to rush off to perform and he asked where and i told him at a friend's church. but, then i kind of hesitated then said goodbye. cuz i wanted to hug him but, i didnt' know. and gosh this is all so awkward again. but, it's totally just me. cuz i dont' want to mess it up again. anyhoo.

but, then i went and performed and then i came home and i talked to liberty belle on the phone for an hour. unfortunately i was talking to her on the phone and i was kind of falling asleep. so i told her goodbye and then i went to bed. but, i couldn't sleep very well. my head hurt and i couldn't breath very well. so i woke up like tonz during the night. this morning i asked my mom if i could jsut sleep and skip my first two periods of school. and she said okay. so here i am typing all of this down. but, i should be leaving in a little while. i've got to catch my last two periods. they are classes i can't miss. too much to work on. but, anyhoo. that's life. and so i miss someone. and i wish i could be with them more. anyhoo. i gotta go.

average jane signing off. (maybe my headache will go away soon.)

an emotional breakdown

well, so i had to work last night and so it was alright at first. but, then i had one customer come up and i got into a real conversation. i mentioned that she had a lot of stuff. and she said that just as she thought that she was done with her christmas shopping, she found more she had to buy. and i mentioned that i had bought something for a friend of mine. and then i found something else i wanted to get for him. i told her it was something related to the army and such since he was in the army. and she said oh well that might be good if he's overseas. i told her that he wasn't overseas but that he has a choice to be deployed overseas and that he is only 17. and she said that he needs to stay around a while longer. i told her he's already been in combat before. and she turned and looked at me with a mixture of sympathy and compassion on her face and said one simple sentence. she said, tell him thank you. and then she took her purchases and left. at that simple sentence, tears began to fill my eyes and my throat clogged up with emotion. my next customer came up and as i told him his total, i could hear in my voice that i was still very emotional. and the guy said two words. i'm sorry. it was simple but heartfelt and just that threatened to make me break down completely. somehow i managed to pull myself together and make it through the rest of the night.

then today, i had a 6:30 am rehearsal for choir. it was simply the last straw in my week. i was pissed off. i was tired, stressed with school. and worried about a dear friend of mine. i still am. i'm worried abou a big deciesion he has to make. and i wish i knew what he was gonna decide. because if he decides to take this opportunity, i will be greatly worried for him. more than i already am. but, i guess i'll just have to wait and see.

and so the morning rehearsal was the last straw. after it , i had choir and we were drawing names for secret santa. on the first draw i got someone i knew what to buy. unfortunately we had to draw again. on the 2nd draw, i got someone i had no idea what to get. and i got frustrated and my teacher didn't get frustrated back. i felt that i was gonna lose it so i went to the bathroom to pull myself together. i came back and thought i was okay. but, i walked in the room and my teacher came up to me and asked if everything was okay. i could tell by her face that she was sincere, and i lost it. i began to cry and she just held my hand. she asked what was wrong and said she could tell i was having a bad week. then a friend, jamie came up and gave me a hug and i cried even more. as much as i hate crying in front of ppl, it felt nice to just let it out. and tell someone else of my worries. it really helped. yet throughout the day, i felt the need to just breakdown several times. yet somehow i managed to keep it all together. but, hopefully the night will only get better. oh well.

average jane signing off. (hope your day was better than mine.)

a bad day, but last night was good!

so, yeah today really sucked. i totally was first off proud of myself for being all dressed up for t&t, but, then i get to school and i realize i need my choir getup. and so i have a friend drive me home to get it. and then we sang and it sounded dumb. we totally messed up and so now i have to go to a f***in' (please excuse my french) 6:30 am rehearsal. and what' s worse is i probably won't get home from work until 11 and to bed at midnight and then i have to get up by 5 am. ugh! totally sucky day.

but, yesterday night was good! i got to talk to a totally special guy. he came into my work. and he's cute and funny. i think he knows who he is. but, it really made my night. but, then i tried to tell my sister rachel about it all and she is just stupid and doesn't get it. she thinks i'm just setting him up to be hurt again. but, not this time. i realized my mistake. and she and my mom just don't get it. i really hate them right now. ugh. but, it's okay. i have a very special guy in my life. and so it's all good.

well, average jane signing off.

so it's sunday once again. i honestly don't really like sundays. beyond the fact that i have to go to church. sundays give me too much time to think. and today, first and foremost on my mind is army man. he's been there on my mind for about a week now. even more since saturday. and i'm beyond worried. i can't stop thinking about his possible deployment. it has me seriously worried. and i know that i've already said i'm worried. let's just say i've been told that it is way beyond how dangerous i had perceived it. and hearing this, it really put my feelings more into perspective. yet, i haven't had the chance to talk to army man face to face yet. for what i have to say, needs to be said when i can see him. and i have to say i can't wait to see him.

also, i got to talk to my best friend. we talked about our problems. he needed to talk to me about his girl issues. and then i told him of my worries about army man. and he said that he echoes my concerns. and i almost felt like crying. because i really am worried. the hardest part about it is that right now i can't do anything about it. and it's hard. but, i guess the best i can do is just wait.

average jane signing off.