thoughts that get me down

so today has just kind of been a whirlwind of things. steph emailed me to see if i still wanted to be her bridesmaid and such. and that i needed to be fitted if so. and to be honest. i don't really want to in some way because it means i would have to be around for the whole damn wedding. and i'm not sure that i can handle that. but then there is a part of me that wants to be there cuz she's my friend. but i'm really not sure i can be happy for her and be good for the whole deal, so i guess maybe i really just don't want to have to be there. i don't know. it's up to her whatever she decides. i'm just sick of hearing about her stupid wedding.

but i was first gonna come on and tell about how i'm beginning to have serious doubts about my second piercing. i mean, just the other day i was gonna wear one of my fav. pair of earrings. but, it didn't look good with the second piercing. and it's been more of a hassle some days to find earrings i like to wear in it. i don't know. i'm thinking of maybe taking it out. plus, this ear piercing links me to steph. but not in a good way. it just reminds me how i kind of felt like steph was just being a sheep in following us and still going through with it, even when it kind of got screwed up. maybe she really wanted it. but things that remind me of what our friendship used to be like kind of hurts. i'm not ready to be really reminded of how she chose dave over me...well, i g2g.

average jane signing off....

oh btw, i got an amzing present and letter from my great friend spencer. it really brightened my day and still does today.. thanx..

oh yeah the other day i did the bitch slap. i told them my friend's name saying she had the gall to marry my ex-boyfriend. it is so funny... cuz the dj was oober shocked and i laughed!! :D really felt good to do it...

my new job...

so i started my first day at my big new job... and i survived. i have to admit that there were times when i was so busy, and i wondered how i was gonnna work things out. but i worked busy times before, like at SLCC college bookstore. and i really am excited for this job. i hardly even noticed the time passing. it really was fun. now that i'm home though, i am sort of tired. but it's the weekend!! i dont' work saturdays or sundays. so yeah. well, i'm kind of not in the mood to write anymore so yeah...
but i guess here i go in growing up...

average jane signing off...

it scares the hell outta me...

so i guess, maybe it is time to grow up....i would have been offered the full time position at steve regan, if i hadn't told rose two seconds before that i was thinkin of going just part time...if i had said nothing, i think rose might have offered me the job. yet because i said something, i'll only be covering until she can find a replacement. and the more i think about goin back to just filing afterwards, i can't do that. i can't have a great job like that, and then go back to filing. i got to really talking to my mom last night about all of this, and it really got me thinking. i thought about how i have so many dreams. so many things i want to do. and how i won't have enough money for college. i also talk about how i won't ever let a man stand in the way of my dreams and goals. yet, here i am not wanting to give up my summer just in case a guy i like wants to hang out. i need to just forget him and move on. it's time. another thing. thinking about growing up scares the hell outta me. i want to move on, but at the same time, i dont' want to accept all the responsibility of growing up. it literally scares the hell outta me, as i said before. and in considering taking this job, i have so many doubts. like maybe i'd be doing the wrong thing, maybe i'd be making a big mistake. but i know that i would regret it if i didn't at least give the job a chance. like my mom said, i know what i'm going into with this job already. unlike some other job i might get. and i already love the job. also, i need the money to get a car and pay for college. rose starts advertising for the position on sunday. so i have to think fast about this and see if i can do it. cuz i know that i would like to have it. but i have to just try, because i dont' ever want to look back and regret not having done something. i never want to look back and say i should have done that. life is about choices and what choices we make determine the kind of ppl we become. so here i go. it's time to grow up. even though i am scared to death.

average jane signing off...wish me luck...

still sick...but thoughts of boys...

well, so i'm still kind of sick today. though not as bad as yesterday...i feel better... not feeling so much as dying, but my nose is like really stuffed up and also my throat hurts...but i'll be okay...

so i finally got back to some friends who emailed me like a month ago. i kind of kept putting off replying to them...but one friend, jesse, i replied and said we should totally hang out... cuz i've been meaning to get to that...but not really had the time to hang out cuz it was near the end of school. but with summer here, i will have more time. so yeah...

but my friend heather mccormick called me today... and we talked. and she asked me about darion...and i said that i still very much liked him, but that i'm really not worrying too much about how anything and how it turns out...cuz right now especially i'm just looking for fun and such in dating. and i'm now out of high school... so that kind of changes things...cuz he will be a junior in high school, and i'll be a freshman in college...i dunno... but i guess there is a part of me that hopes something will happen this summer... cuz we'll have time to become even better friends...and hang out lots, like on july 4th like last year and at taylorsville dayzz celebrations. i guess i just want to feel special to someone, as more than just friends...but yeah...

anyhoo, well, that's my update for now...

i feel like dying...

so i've graduated....amzingly it seems....i'll write later about that and senior breakout...

but right now i feel like shit. i'm so sick and so tired i can barely do anything. it kind of hurts to even type this, but for some reason i felt like blogging. but i feel like i could just die right now. my throat is so swollen it hurts to swallow and cough. i can't stop coughing. it sucks. i hate being sick. and one of the worst things? i have this stupid dress on that i can't get out of . cuz i have no one home to help me unzip it so i can go put pjs on. cuz they are all still at church....ugh! *cough, cough* i can't stop coughing. ugh....

so i'm gonna go rest and hopefully get some sleep. cuz i can't sleep well because i cough so much...but i guess i just needed to complain some about my illness. so here it is...

averagejane signing off...(i need sleep and to stop coughin...)