thoughts that worry me

well, so i was hanging out with a good friend of mine at a baby shower for her cousin. and i have to admit, i bet it was hell to have to deal with her family. i really feel bad for all the shit that her family deals out. like her grandma was downright rude and inconsiderate. and of course my friend dished it out right back. i have to admit it was just a bit funny to see it. only a little bit.

but, as we were driving home, (we had an hour drive) we got to talking about a guy that means a lot to me. army guy. and he has the choice of whether he wants to be deployed overseas for 10 to 18 months. and i think there's a good possibility that this deployment could be a lot more dangerous than he has been letting on. and it scares me to be honest. i was just sitting next to my friend. and i began to cry. it really made me think about the fact that he could die. and i cried and she told me not to cry cuz then she was gonna cry. but, i told her. i already have a few friends that are semi-suicidal. i don't need another friend that could possibly die. and i couldn't bear it especially with army guy. honestly. it would kill me. and it really hit me so hard. and for the most of the ride home, thoughts of him kept going through my head. i hope he knows how much he means to me. and he'll probably read this and hopefully he'll understand how special he is. and i just had to write all this down.

oh and this moratorium thing, not working too well, when i still very much care for this guy. hmmmm.....

anyhoo, this is average jane signing off. (a worried, very average jane. )

quote of the week

hey so i've decided to do a quote of the week for my blog. and well, i was reading this yesterday and it's totally become my new theme for life. because it's the truest thing i've ever heard.


"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."

an update on my moratorium

well, so i'm still trying hard with this moratorium thing. cuz i know that it's best for now. and honestly. i think i deal better with guys just as friends. cuz then i don't feel as awkwrd sometimes telling them certain things. it 's just a friendship. and you know. yesterday i was at a concert and the cathedral of the madeline. i had to go to it to use it for a humanities "cultural event." and i have this great friend that is engaged. she got engaged on her 18th birthday this year. and she isnt' getting married until next june. and a little while a go i was jealous that she had a great guy. and it relly was kind of hard. bu,t the funniest thing was that last night, i simply just didn't care. beyond the fact that their snuggling and kissing just got a bit annoying. i didnt at all feel like i wish i had a guy with me. and it seems i've made a little progress.

but, anyhoo. so nothing has changed with tall guy. in fact i havent' even seen him since the 29th of november. almost a week. it's like he's never at school anymore. and it's kind of weird.

and i have to admit that i have conflicting emotions on something else, i won't mention. but, i thin kthe best solution for me is to simplly not think about it. just forget it and move on. and so that is the action i am going to take. and maybe it will turn out to be the wrong one. but, at least i did something. and so that's how my life is.

actually over all, life is good. i should probably actually do my homework. but, that seems too much effort to me right now! :D anyhoo.

well, average jane signing off. :D