Friday, August 25, 2006

happy thoughts

well, yeah just hanging out at my house doin my normal daily ritual of checking my email. and i get this email from army man. he tells me of how his day at work went yesterday. and it was kind of sad. he had a lot of mistakes. honest mistakes anyone could have made. as background, army man is totally convinced all the time that either karma or god is mad at him. he said though at the end of the email that he's either extremely unlucky or incompetent. he wrote to me, " you can pick which one, seeming that you're the only bit of luck in my life." and i sat there reading that , and a smile came to my face and i felt happy. but, the question is, is there any deeper meaning to it. or just that we're good friends. i don't know. gosh relationships can be so confusing. but, yeah i guess i'll take time to figure it out. this is average jane signing off.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

days of summer

well, now the days of summer have come and gone. well, almost. and it seems like it wasn't long enough. i wish that i could just have another month. another month to be carefree and not have to worry about school. though i am looking forward to school. i like learning. i think that if i didn't have such stupid dumbass teachers sometimes then maybe i'd like school more. but, i wish that i'd hung out with friends more this summer. i have hung out with them more this summer than i have ever in my life in past summers. but, yeah i hung out some more than others. but, now i say goodbye to the hot summer nights and all the great times. average jane signing off.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

love songs

millions of times a day, you hear love songs on the radio. you hear all those songs about the girl falling in love with the guy, guy likes girl and they hookup. yet in real life it's not that easy. you can't just approach a guy and say, "hey i really like you!" and then expect everything to be okay. especially if you're good friends. cuz if it turns out he doesn't like you that way, then the friendship just can't be the same after that . so sometimes the risk simply isn't worth it. and it sucks. cuz you just once wish things could work out romantically for you. at least i do. i think the only song right now i really like is called "so sick" by ne-yo. it talks about being so sick of love songs. and sometimes that is totally just my theme song. yeah, this is average jane signing off.

work

yeah so i need money. i have an expensive year ahead of me. with it being my senior year. so i went back to my old job at a theater. it does live plays. the plays are okay kinda boring. but, when i went on to sublist only i was making around $10 an hour, cuz i got good tips. i honestly are having second thoughts about working there. but, it's really not bad hours. and it works with my schedule. cuz i'd only work nights and about 3 nights a week. but, yeah sometimes you just nee d the money. cuz i have around $600 to pay for choir. and $600 for travle and tourism academy. and then i have DECA that'll cost around $200. so yeah expensive. well, average jane signing off.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

exhausted

well, i just got back from work and as my title says, i'm exhausted. and i still have to go back to work in about an hour cuz i have to also work the night shift. only four more hours. it really isn't alot of work but, i'm getting tired easily today. but,at least the money is good. i really need the money cuz i owe my mom around 200 dollars and i really need some money for school stuff. but, i still am tired. anyways, this is average jane signing off.

Monday, August 21, 2006

moments of sadness

Have you ever felt like there's no one else in the world that understands you? that's how i feel almost constantly in my life. i wish that i could find someone who totally gets me. well, there has been one person who's come the closest to knowing the real me. and it's kind of nice. that feeling that if i ever need any advice or help, he'll always be there for me. actually now there's two guys. and i know they're there for me. and sometimes though i wish that i had some girl my age to really talk to, yet i can't ever seem to find someone who i can really click with. the only people i can find that really click with me seem to be guys. there's nothing wrong with having amzing guy friends but, at the same time , it never could replace having girls to discuss guys that i like. it's totally not the same. but, i guess sometimes i just accept that life sucks sometimes and move on. average jane signing off.

clouds with silver linings

you know, i've heard the phrase "every cloud has a silver lining" too many times to count. and i guess that this phrase is the only way to describe my feelings right now. army guy emails me every so often and every so often, his email can brighten my day and he doesn't even know it. i don't know how to say anything with it ruining what friendship we have. yet this cloud has a silver lining. and my cloud's silver lining is army man. i don't know where i'd be without him.
it's average jane signing off.

chillin'

yeah just sittin at home chillin' and watching some tv while i check emails. it's kind of a ritual for me. at least this past summer. i honestly get into habits and then have a hard time getting out of them. it's gonna be so odd going back to school. as someone could probably guess by my age, i'm a senior. and it's gonna be a blast. like 2 choir classes and a dance class. talk about easy. and of course my best friends. army man, slypig, fav. freak. just to name a few. if my friends read this, they know exactly who they are. but, yeah, life just woudn't be the same without them though. i honestly wouldn't be where i am today. slypig is the reason for surviving sophmore year. i've told him before how much i appreciate all he does. but, he could never know how much. and army man. he's been my friend this summer and kept me from dying from boredom. it may not seem like a lot but, it's been fun. well, somedays i wish that i could tell him things but, then i think that it really might ruin or friendship. i'd really hate to ever lose that .hey this is average jane signing off.

musings of the heart

so here i am, an average jane, heading off to her summer job. i work at a college bookstore. my mom is my boss unfortunately cuz i had issues finding a job elsewhere that i would be okay working. and now i've learned to not be so picky. honestly it's just so hard to find a job at my age. they want 18 or older, a high school diploma, work experience, just to get a decent job. and unfortunately i am a couple months shy of being 18 and i'm a year shy of a diploma and of course i dont' have too much work experience, having only been in the work force for about 2 yrs. almost. it's frustratin. and i wish this guy knew i liked him. it seems even the amzing guys can be incredibly dense. it makes me so mad sometimes. but, yeah, i'll just call him my army man. to preserve anonymity. but, he's so amzing he doesn't even realize it. the more i get to know him, i just want to be with him even more, hoping maybe some of his strength and character might rub off on me. but, isn't it true that what you read about in books never comes true. i want that happy ending though. i want it so much. but, it's just so far out of reach that it hurts. i guess you could just call me a helpless romantic. for deep down i know happy endings with guys just don't exist. i try to have this attitude that no guy's worth crying over. yet i can't convince my heart it's true. my head likes logic so we're on the same wavelength. damn heart has to be so stubborn. sometimes it would be so much simpler of a world if i didn't have my heart to cloud my thougts. if i didn't have these crazy feelings toward guys, then it wouldn't hurt so much when i hear the just friends line. of course maybe i'm the idiot who asks them if they like me as more than friends. ignorance truly is bliss. that old cliche is too true. but, work calls. this is average jane signing off for now.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

the beginning of jane

as this is my first post i will give a description of me. i am an average girl of 17 almost 18. i have an older bro. a older sis and a younger sis. all of which tend to annoy me on a constant basis. i live in a small typical neighborhood. i don't live in a big city, but, i don't live in a small town. i'm just average. so what makes me special. that is the question over which i constantly muse over. but, over the course of all my blogs, maybe someone will discover the answer for which i have none. for i'm an just an average jane, thus the diary of jane, though it be not my name.