Saturday, January 27, 2007

i'm sorry.

so i managed to mess things up again. i've kind of started pushing three friends out of my life. quite rudely in fact. so i guess that just shows how messed up i am. but i guess i just feel the need to somewhat write down and explain all that has happened to me. and i guess i'll just start at the beginning

my friend- i'm sorry for the way i've acted. i didnt' mean for it to be this way. i know we've worked part of this out. and yet things are still a bit awkward. but i'm sorry. i hope we're okay.

my ex- wierd way to put it, but you know who you are. you are one of my closest friends and i'm sorry i screwed things up again. i kind of have a way of making things messed up so you can't have a moment of happiness or peace. so i'm sorry. and i do still care.

to another friend- i told you so rudely to get out of my life. i'm sorry i shouldn't have taken it out on you. but, you really don't know the whole situation and i still think it wasn't your place to judge me. you're great, but sometimes you do need to back off. i'm sorry for how i acted though.

i guess this is just apologies also, to everyone else that i've hurt in this. i'm sorry. that's just how my life is, with me ending up screwing up a lot. to those friends that i specifically apologized to, i'll be sending you an email that more specifically addresses what i need to tell you. so please check your email.

sorry.

average jane signing off.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

update on my shitty life

yeah so a lot of shit has happened this past day. last night i went ot that friend's house. i thought that i was okay with all of it. turns out not so much. we talked for a second about her liking my ex. and then it comes out that he's told her he likes her back in not so many words. yeah i lost it. i left in a rush. and she told me that she'd known for a week that she felt this way about him. so i first felt really betrayed about her not telling me. hell, we'd spent all of friday together basically and she said nothing. and i guess now after a few hours of talking, i'm okay. it's gonna still be hard with her , but i'm not really mad anymore at her. just a bit hurt and sad.

on the other hand, i'm mad at my ex. i've heard everything from my friend's side. and i asked my ex if he likes her and what is going on. he knew that i already knew that he told my friend he wouldn't mind a relationship. yet, he has the gall to reply to my email, that he doesn't know what to tell me. even thought he's my ex, we were still pretty close. at least i thought. but he's known at least a week too and is still not saying shit. and it really pisses me off. i sent an email to give him a piece of my mind. and i don't think it matters anymore. cuz i've just decided that i'm better off not caring. if i don't care, it won't hurt when it all jsut goes away.

i shoud know from past experiences that nothing works out in my life.i haven't been able to keep a friend since the first grade. and she turned on me. and since then, my friends have either moved away, or we jsut drift apart. and that has just been my lot in life. then this one special friend comes along about a year ago. and i think that i've found a best friend. but then all this shit happens, and i wonder, will she still be around and not jsut drift off or move? she tells me she will be. but with my track record i have a hard time believing her. it sucks. life sucks. that's why i'm just not gonna care.

oh good news. so i finally stood up to this bitchy girl in my travel and tourism classes. her name is andrea langston and i dont' care if she reads this. she is a bitch. but she gets up in class and says maybe we should go around and say one thing we like about everyone. and i turned and said, well some of us would have to lie. and somehow we ended up saying other stuff. and she's like at least she says that she hates me to my face. and i told her i have no problem of saying that i hate her. and she said some shit about some ppl would have to lie about me in saying i'm a good person. then later on a couple minutes later she was pissing me off a gain. and so i turned to her and said i am so gonna hit you. and she is all like you wanna go. and gets up. by then i had turned back around in my seat. and my teacher mr. smith said, andrea! sit down! and she said in a whiny voice, she jsut threatened me in class. and i will never forget what smith said! he said, well if you don't shut up, i might just hit you! lol lol lol lol. greatest moment of my life. she shut up so fast. and then stayed after class to talk to smith and i think some ladies in the career center. i don't give a shit what she said about me. it was great!

anyhoo. that's my day. still terribly pissed at him. ugh

average jane signing off. (guys are so stupid.)

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

yeah, stuff, jsut stuff

so i got some intersting news from a friend of mine. and it turns out she likes a guy i used to like. and without saying much, i guess it first off came as a shock. cuz i don't know. we were all just a group of friends. and in a way i feel stupid that i didn't see this coming. even my mom asked me about this possibility like a week ago. because my friend talks to this guy more than i ever did. but i don't know. i don't want to be angry and i'm not. i guess i'm just confused and i guess jealous in an abstract way. tha's the only way i can describe it. cuz i don't even know what i really feel. cuz i'm still in the shock state. and thinking i should have seen this coming. anyhoo. i'm done talking about this.

otherwise school kind of sucks. my academy program i have, now makes me have my stupid teachers again. but it's all good. i chose this program to begin with :D. but yeah and my gov't class should not be too bad. and i have a bunch of friends in choir like my graces. they all are so cool. and i can't believe how close we are. it's great. anyhoo.

average jane signing off. (confused.)