hm....

so i told jay i wouldn't stay up too late...in fact he made sure i was home so i could get some sleep. and i promise i will but not until i update. i'm in a blogging mood...lol but this won't be a long one.

every night it is getting harder and harder to say goodbye. i know that it's only for a day...but still. i want to be with him every moment! lol i know....crazy huh...Amy this crazy over a guy. didn't think it was possible. i've already passed the point in relationship where i would have normally gotten bored. i would have broken up with him a week or two ago if this was any normal relationship...but it's not. it's a million times better, more real. it's the real thing...can't think of any other way to put it. this is the kind of relationship that will last. the kind that makes you actually okay with growing old, cuz you know that you will have someone to grow old with. someone who will love you no matter what. someone that you will love no matter what. someone who can never get enough of you...that just seeing them, being in their arms is all that matters. life is complete when they are around. sure you are still your own person with your own ideas, your own dreams. but, when you are with them, it's like that missing piece you have been searching for, is suddenly there and you see the whole picture...see what this life is all about. see what love truly means.

over the past few weeks i've been stumbling across some quotes about love. some i've used in my IM screen name. some have been in jay's. however my two fav. are below

"When you are in Love, you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams." ~Dr. Suess

"Love isn't something that you find. Love is something that finds you." ~Loretta Young

but ya...it's crazy...i always told myself i have too many dreams to let a guy get in the way of them. i have too many places to travel to. just gonna forget about romance. then, along came jay. to be honest, i really was like oh he's jsut a friend, someone to have some fun times with. and now that it's gotten so serious between us, i kind of look back on that "2nd date" (lol) and just laugh... but also to be honest. how i feel scares me. and i guess i'm still a bit scared to let go completely and let my heart lead, cuz another part of me still looks at all the dreams i have and doubt. it's hard. way hard....but, a thought came to mind. there is some movie where the mom is telling her kids about the dreams dad gave up to marry and have a family. so i guess it goes both ways, in giving up dreams, or at least packing them away. but, my heart is winning still, no matter. i love jay and i would give up most anything to be with him. i guess this is also about growing up. realizing that sometimes you have to put away some dreams, at least for now, for better things to come. and maybe your dreams will change...i know mine have a bit in part...like i used to just say i would travel the world alone. because i had my own agenda, no one else would want to do what i wanted. but now i want to share that with jay. i mean i still want to have my own adventures and travels...but i want to share most of them with jay...

well, now that i've admitted that i'm scared and such...i'll close this entry.

i shout this out into cyberspace first. Jay Shepherd, I love you with all of my heart. I am the luckiest girl in the world.

averagejane signing off!