here i go again! lol

so here i am posting again late at night...wow i better not make a habit of this. lol well, here goes it all again...

so the reason i'm here again is cuz i was thinking again. i know, that 's dangerous territory. lol but it had to do with the fact that i had a real hangout, a real talk with my best friend. we haven't done that in forever. and there were the silly moments and the serious and the downright hilarious moments. and just being with him and talking and acting silly really made me think about my life and realize for the first time in a few months, that yeah i'm still young. that's not a big deal. it means i still have time to experience life. i'm not expected to know it all now. i think i kind of forget that at my work because i am the youngest there by a good eight or nine year difference. so i forget that it's okay to still be young and want more out of life. i really needed this tonight. and i guess it also helped me even more to realize that life is changing and it's good. my public school days have passed. it's time for me to grow up past that. but at the same time, it's okay to be still unexperienced in the world. anyhoo...made me think about what i'm doing with my life. and i really don't want to get tangled up with this other guy right now. because i know that he's sort of lookin for serious. and i'm trying to convince myself that i really jsut need to have casual relationships. maybe some dating, but nothin serious. cuz i told my self that i'm not getting married young. and i know that won't happen. but also i told myself that i have things i need to see and do before i settle down. and it will be things i do on my own with no romantic attachments to them. so i just need to remind my self of that daily. and as much as it's nice to feel like someone cares, (and the kissing is nice. lol) i need to know that i have done my share of living life, and that i want to be with them for real, before i even get myself into what is happening now. i need to be strong, even though for some reason i feel guilty tellin him i don't want to be with him now, cuz he's kind of gettin divorced because of me sort of... but i cant just let things go on out of feeling guilty. if it comes down to it that i like him and want to be with him, then great. but a part of me knows that nothing serious could ever come of our relationship. there are a few crucial things that are diferent between us. i just need to remind myself of that...

so yeah off serious things. so my best friend and i actually ended up hanging out at walmart. let me say we have just had some fun times there! lol so he wanted to look at lamps cuz he just remembered he needed one that imitates sunlight for some photography stuff he was doing. lol so we then were looking at lamp shades and lamp bases. then he remarks that ppl might look at us and think we were shopping for our house. lol ( like we were together or sumthing! ) lol so then we just laughed, me especially hard, and just kept looking at stuff. then somehow we wandered over to the kitchen ware section! lol even more looked like we might be shopping for stuff together! lol yeah it was funny to say the least! totally made my night...

lol, well, now that its almost midnight, i'm gonna close and go to bed! i have church to attend tomorrow. lol and little kids to play with! :D love my kids....

averagejane signing off! :D