a great start to a new year...and decisions made

so just yesterday i hung out with some friends for the second time in a week. and i absolutely loved it! we played rock band and wii. its so much fun! i finally was gettin the hang of playing the drums. it's tough but so worth it. lol and i can also do the guitar and bass too. of course i began singing, then i decided to try the instruments and i love it and really would so buy it to play at home! maybe i will in a few months. but right now...i'm gonna save my money for other things. but we actually first went to cheesecake factory and had lunch. it was expensive but pretty good. i think the funnest part of it all was that i got to hang with friends and be crazy and wild and have a blast! it was the perfect start to a new year...

i now have a new fav. movie. it's called hope floats!! :D i absolutely am in love with the story and of course harry connick jr.! lol but i really just thought a lot about life again...and i think i love him...but i am still so young and if he really loves me, he will support me while i still explore life and see the world and see if this is really what i want. i thought i knew what i wanted, when i told him i wanted to be with him. but i'm not so sure. i just think about all that is out there that i could be missing. maybe there is someone else out there that i'm meant to really be with. and at the same time, i wonder if i just kind of get out there and don't really pursue a relationship with him, would i be missing out on a great relationship? but then i hang with friends and just am a kid once more and i realize that i don't think i'm ready to grow up so fast. and he is, cuz he's been in life...seen a few things... traveled. and while it may hurt him that i need space a bit...i need to do it for my sanity. i will love him forever, no matter what i decide to do. but i still have a life to lead before i settle down. and if he really loves me...then he will understand my decision. i guess what i just need to make him understand, is that though i love him, i need to see the world and do some things first before i just settle down with someone. we are hanging out this weekend. and he mentioned when he called today that he wanted to take a day off from work to spend as just us...maybe spend the night at his place... and while that sounds nice...i don't think that is how things should go right now. i'll spend time with him on the weekends and such. still get to know each other. but i need to make sure that i tell him how i feel.

cuz i just keep thinking about another friend that i might have feelings for.

anyhoo...just my babbles...

averagejane signing off

too sweet

just when i'm doubting what is happening in my life...where i'm going, if this is the right place to be...he goes and does something even sweeter than normal. like i'm home sick and he called me to make sure i was okay when i didn't come to work. and he just called to tell me how much he loved me. it was just too sweet.

anyhoo, just had to say that ....

averagejane signing off...

is he really the one?

one time i was just talking with my sister about guys and just whatever about them...she said something that really stuck with me. she said one thing that stood out to her as when she knew this one guy might be the one...someone special she should get to know better...was that jsut being around him was comfortable. that it felt like she had come home.

just recently i was hanging with a bunch of friends and we were playing video games. i had not played one of them before and my guy friend helped me figure out what i was to do. and he put his hand around mine and showed me what to do. it was brief, but for that brief time, it was just as if it felt comfortable and made me feel something. i don't really know how to describe it. but it made me wonder, am i right to be with this other guy, when i just get this feeling with a good guy friend of mine? am i ready to just give me heart to this other guy, when i'm not sure as to exactly how i feel? and you know...i don't think i am. but yeah i just got to thinking. and maybe this is just a sign that i need to step back and look at my life, where i'm headed, what goals i have and what plans i have to fulfill... but yeah..

averagejane signing off...

crazy weekend

so i just have to say this has been a crazy weekend... and now into the middle of the week. events happened friday, that broke my heart. but i just don't know what to think really. i love this guy, but, i've been talking to him and i don't think he was lying like i thought he might have been. but, today or tomorrow, i should know for sure. yesterday i'll admit that i was all ready to try and leave it in the past and just move on, no matter how hard that would be. cuz this guy is the first and only one i've truly loved. but now i'm thinking i just jumped to conclusions... i do tend to do that. i kind of have a fear of confrontation, so i don't tend to go ask the person what the situation is. anyhoo... well, now i think it's halfway resolved. but there is hurt feelings on both sides, so it may take a while to really put it all back together...


and i know there are a few of you out there that really just want to slap me right now cuz you think i'm just settin myself up to be hurt again. but don't worry about me. i'm okay. and i'm gonna be careful, it was just a misunderstanding.

anyhoo, average jane signing off...

why? hm...

why is it that we just love to torture ourselves? honestly! i've been reading over old blog posts of mine and a friend. i just read them over several times. each time i read them, the old feelings i felt at that time of my life, resurfaced just about as depressing as ever. now i sit here in a funk. god i'm just stupid. anyhoo...but also, i really just wish i could spend more time with my special someone. he tells me that he is falling in love with me. and i admit that i love him, like i never thought i possible. i usually shy away when things get to the whole " i love you" stage. that's what happened with my first and really only official boyfriend. i just freaked when it came to the serious feelings and dating just him. i realized that i would look around me and just say hmm... i think it would be fun to go out with that cute guy. and so i freaked and broke it off....then my second really serious relationship...that went on for a month. that was really long for me. but then, there is this guy now. robert. yes...you have heard abt. him before. our relationship has been developing since about june/july. at first there was crap goin on and i really didn't know whether i could trust him. but then things developed about a month or two ago. i had feelings for him from the beginning. and no matter what he did, they seemed to just keep developing. one day i felt as if things were cool and i could trust him, the next i was let down. this seriously went on for a few months. but let me just tell you, i really can't hold grudges for too long, especially against guys. unless of course you really are disrespectful all the time and out right rude. but if you do something, it's mostly forgotten in at most a few days....anyhoo, but so then it started with a kiss...at first i just kind of blew him off after i let him kiss me a few days. but then, i just kind of let it all go, as i was rather just trying to protect myself from any possible hurt rather than i was mad at him. but then, it all just began to develop as i talked with him and we became great friends. i could talk to him about anything and have a serious deep conversation, yet at the same time, i could have a crazy discussion about music, or food or other such stuff. and i loved it. and i felt myself falling...hard. with each kiss i melted in his arms, each embrace i felt safe, secure, and just plain happy. which is saying a lot for my seriously bi-polar life. lol but i think about him almost all the day long, i just want to be near him, see him, and talk to him. for a few days i totally let myself become so distracted by my thoughts of him it was hard to work. but i found a good in between eventually. and now here i am totally in love with him. wow it's the greatest feeling.

the greatest thing about him though, is that he made a promised to me about two months back that he would tell me the truth in anything. and so far he has kept that promise. i really love that he has made such an effort to never lie to me. he kind of told me a few lies in the past. he says that he owes it to me to prove that he loves me and that he is being honest in everything. i love it.....

well work is almost over so i'll finish what i want to say later.

average jane signing off...

i love him

so yeah here i am again...life is...hmm... life is just....life. it's okay, not bad, but not fantastic. just here. just existing. but yeah...is it normal to think of just one guy...so much that when you pass other guys on the street, cute ones, that you don't really thing of anyone but that one guy. seriously. i think of him all the time, love to be around him.

........................................................................................................................................


well, so this is like half a day later. so that special someone came to work a bit late cuz he went to some performance thing of his daughter's. but he walked in, and my knees just about gave out...he looked so....amazing. he normally i think is very hot. but he just was all spiffed up in a nice shirt, jeans, nice shoes, a cool leather jacket, and his hair had been cut. wow! is the only way i could describe my reaction. then he came over to my desk to say hi. and of course he had to smell incredible! lol... just wow. then even when he got on his work shirt and such, he still looked amazing. maybe i'm just biased cuz i love him. lol :D but i dont' care. he's just so incredible. i can't believe that he loves me. i can't believe how lucky i am....lol

well, i gotta go actually get some work done...

average jane signing off...

been a while

hullo all!! so yeah it's been a while, but yeah i'm here. lol lol

well, i totally think i'm in love! yeah just wanted to let the world know!! and he loves me! lol yeah i'm a bit giddy.

have to admit that it's been a bit doubtful in the beginning as to how i felt, but i can't stop thinking about him. the days he's gone i miss him terribly. but then he is there and a grin spreads across my face....lol

well, average jane signing off..