when harry met sally...or somethin like that :)

so i guess some of you have been waiting for details on the engagement lol :D so here goes...

well, about a month or so ago, jay told me about this cool meteor shower that i totally had to see :) and of course i said, if i can convince my parents to let me out til 3 or 4 in the morning watching it, and get work off the next day...i totally want to come :) why wouldn't i? lol more time to spend with jay. anyhoo...so that day finally came...august 11th at about midnight..

i was so stoked to go watch the meteor shower. jay came to my house around 11:20 pm to pick me up...originally it was gonna be midnight...then he just had to get outta his house earlier so he came over :D i was just watchin titanic cuz i've never seen it. so then i went out to meet him and we headed up. i was smart enough to at least bring a jacket and a blanket lol. but not smart enough to wear real shoes! :O i wore flip flops...lol anyhoo.

so we drove up to a little town just west of park city. it was called pinebrook i believe. for those of you familiar with jeremy ranch, it was that exit. there is this cute little park in the town that we went to. we first off went and laid on the grass. it was wet cuz the lawn was in the process of being watered by sprinklers....thank goodness we had a blanket that was okay to lay on the wet grass and wouldn't soak through lol. but it was cold! lol i know it probably really wasn't too cold temperature wise...but when you've been used to like 100 degree weather...lol

but after laying there for around 20 min, jay says to me that there's this park bench on the other side of the park, and that we should go watch the meteors from there. so we head in the general direction of it...though it was hard to see cuz it was way dark. lol thank goodness i noticed there were three big sprinklers in our path so we could divert and not get wet and more cold than it already was :D so we eventually got to the little path that led to the bench. as we got closer i noticed that it had a little wood covering over it. it was cute and i remember thinking..."that will get in the way of our view of the stars, but okay...lol" and as we got even closer, i noticed the little candles lining the pathway right directly to the bench and remarked, "oh what cute little candles!" lol i was oblivious (i found out later that jay had to keep so hard from laughing at my total cluelessness...lol and he was worried i would figure it out too soon...lol) but then jay stopped and turned and pulled me to him. he gave his little speech about how he loved me and other cute little things for my ears only...lol (sorry ppl) but then he reached into his jacket pocket, and went down on one knee. that's the moment when my head screamed "oh my god...ohmygod~!" lol over and over...and he asked me to marry him. and i of course said yes, with tears beginning to stream down my face ...*tears up remembering* it was so cute and i had planned to jokingly tell him no when he proposed, but there really was no way i could say no....not even joking...

so i am now officially the almost happiest and luckiest girl in the world! lol i say almost, cuz i will be the luckiest girl in the world when i am Mrs. Amy Shepherd...lol anyhooo...in anticipation of the question most everyone will ask, we are tentatively thinking mid-october for the wedding....lol

oh and i found this cute quote online from the movie When Harry Met Sally. lol it goes "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. " thats how i feel!! :D

and one last other piece of news i just received tonight lol i have another engaged friend! my friend courtney richins is engaged! lol i just hope she knows i'm so happy for her :D

well i need sleep. my brother comes home tomorrow. loads to do :D

OMG!!!

lol okay...i know it's like 3 in the morning...but this totally warrants a blog post...lol especially since i haven't blogged in a little while! and the title of this blog pretty much sums up how i'm feelin at the moment ! lol lol but....

I'M ENGAGED!!!! lol it's so awesome, exciting, scary...amzing....lol just a whole jumble of things. it feels weird to be writing this...to be thinking of jay shepherd, the love of my life, as my fiancè....lol like i'm so stoked, but my head is still havin troubles wrappin around the idea! lol i think i'm still in shock mode, as this is not what i expected! lol not this soon...lol can't wait til tomorrow...lol and i do mean tomorrow...lol i get to show my ring off at work! lol it's so cute! lol just simple and silver, with a cute little delicate diamond...lol i love it! lol

well, i'm gonna close. i'll write more details when i wake up later today! :D lol

one last note...actually. lol it's funny cuz i can't seem to keep a smile off my face. lol i'm jsut so giddy and full of energy..which is why i'm still up! lol i love jay....

laters

averagejane signing off! :D life is fantabulous...i'm engaged and have a fiancè! lol gotta keep sayin that to get used to it :D lol

happily ever after...forever

growing up, every little girl hears the fairytales about how the princess gets the prince charming and lives happily ever after. and as every little girl grows up, those fairytales stay with her. sometimes that is what they base how a relationship rates on a scale of happily ever after. sometimes, a girl can get lost inside fairytales retold, thinking she will never find that prince charming for her. sometimes too, a girl can say that her fairytale won't happen like that cuz like the song called cinderella, originally done by i5 and remade by the groups Play and The Cheetah Girls, whose chorus is " i dont wanna be like cinderalla sitting in a dark old dusty cellar, waiting for somebody to come and set me free. i don't wanna be like snow white waiting for somebody to come and save me on a horse of white, unless i'm riding side by side..."

i admit that a part of me is totally like the song cinderella...that i don't need anyone to come "save" me. but the other part of me wants the other part of the story. the fairytale romance. every little bit. i want to be swept off my feet. but, this part is kept hidden more or less because of my not needing to be rescued feeling...i dont' know why i wrote this but anyways....the point is that i've found my "fairytale romance". and it happened when i least expected it. i can't believe i got so lucky...honestly. i know i've probably said this like a million times, but i don't care. it's just me expressing how i love life.! i love jay! there i said it so the whole world can know! lol i love jay and he loves me.

anyhoo, also, even while i was still more active in the LDS church, i was never one to really really want a temple marriage. like it sounded cool, but it was like oh, yah whatev. i kind of just assumed i'd get married there and yah...like i didn't really imagine getting married anywhere else or any other way. then especially once i really started drifting away even more from religion, i didn't care. and it didn't really matter cuz there wasn't anyone in the near future in my life, that i would have to make that decision with. and then of course i made some choices that now make it not possible, for now at least. then , along came jay. :D lol and my mom actually said to me, after i was tellin her how much fun i had had with jay, how much i had enjoyed my time with him, " can't you see now this is how it's supposed to be like in a relationship? can't you see now why some people would want this to last forever? " and the funny thing is , yeah it now kind of has slowly been coming more clear. i can see why ppl want to be together forever. if that were possible i would work hard for it. which is actually why i am in the process of working my ... issues...out. i want to have a chance at that happily ever after...forever.

but yah...life is great! lol i'm in love. and loving it! i'm going crazy during the day though cuz i miss jay tonz! then again i just miss him all day long. cuz even though i get to talk to him at night...i really wish i could see him every night. lol but i'll have to survive with just a couple nights a week...lol it just feels like my life is complete when he is around, like everything is perfect. lol cuz it is... anyhooo...

oh and i just have to mention how much i love this lady at my work. her name is shawna and she is my life saver and the most amzing person here. no matter what crap ppl. may say about her, she has always got my back. and i will forever be grateful for that. cuz actually just today or yesterday, joyce (my supervisor) was complaining to shawna saying " why does amy need breaks? nobody else in this company gets a break. " and shawna said something to the effect of, " she needs those breaks. she doesn't get to wander the store. she is stuck at her desk." and joyce was all like, " oh is it that bad?" lol i love shawna!! :D he he

well that is enough for today!

laters

averagejane signing off!

falling....head over heels

kind of funny how some days ( or nights in this case) you really get to thinking about life, about things you do, why some names or things have significance in your life. i was just thinking about blog names. it took me a bit to understand my boyfriend's. lol then i found out the first significance is that it has a star trek reference... ;) felt pretty cool once i figured that out. but then i thought to mine. yeah...just a silly, normal title...but it's actually based off the title of a song that really had meaning to me especially at the time i created this blog. pretty much the song says, i'm trying to find my place in the diary of jane. i really liked the lyrics and kind of "adopted" , per se, the name jane, kind of just considering myself an average jane kind of girl. and when i began blogging, it was kind of in the middle of a part in my life that i really was trying to find out where i was going with my life. hence the part trying to find my place in the diary of jane...trying to find where i fit in my own life...and up until about a month ago, i still had no clue. well, of course i had the normal oh i want to go to college, get a good job, and travel. but i was still trying to figure out who i was, what i wanted to really get out of life. this was about the time i really realized that i didn't believe in god. i really didn't care about religion. but this past month...one thing has come into my life, specifically a person. someone that i have grown to care about beyond what i thought possible in just a short amount of time. sure i knew jay in high school...but we didn't really connect as we have now. i laugh when i think it is all thanx to face book that we are together...lol a part of me is wishing that i had found him sooner and been able to be with him. but to be honest, i think a great part of our amazing understanding of each other and our struggles, have come from having gone separate paths, yet similar, this past year. it has shaped us into the people we needed to be, before we could both appreciate this wonderful relationship we have.


tonight, we had the deepest, most soul-bearing conversation i have ever had with anyone. and for the first time, the response was not disappointment, or judgement. it was one of " i understand, i have been there." it was that way on both ends. and it amazed me how wonderful jay was about all of it...like i wasn't planning on having this deep of a discussion tonight...yet it just felt like the right time. and it turned out to be the best thing. our relationship has acquired a whole new depth to it. it's like....well, i can't even describe it. but it's the best feeling in the world. to know that you can tell someone how much you care about them, how much you just want to be with them, and know the feelings are reciprocated. to find that we are both far from perfect, yet so perfectly matched. to feel that i can trust them with anything...all of this combines into the greatest feeling in the world.


also, a song came on the radio today. it's called U got it bad by Usher. for those not familiar with it... here are the lyrics that really stick with me...



"you got it, you got it bad,
when you're on the phone,
hang up and you call right back,
you got it you got it bad,
if you miss a day without your friend your whole life's off track....
when you say that you love her and you really know that everything that used to matter, don't matter no more..."

( here's a link to hear all the song... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15bWP1O-bK0)

yah....that song just sticks with me, cuz i miss jay constantly... my life just feels almost complete with him just around...his absence pretty much creates a hole in my life, that can't be filled by anything else....yah...safe to say, i am falling for him...heck i have fallen...hard...and the hardest part is that my logical side is trying to tell me it's not possible...cuz i mean i have all my plans that are supposed to happen...i was supposed to stay away from getting romantically involved with anyone...yet here i am, so happy, so giddy...the luckiest woman alive...i have the greatest guy in the world and i hope i never lose him...cuz i've fallen hard....but it's not a bad thing...except for when we are apart... :) but yeah...not sure if i am still making sense...but i'm glad my life is on a better track...

well, i probably should sleep...g'night...

average jane signing off...

missing him

wow... so first let me say this is my two hundreth post!! lol

but, why does it have to be so damn hard? you know deep inside that it really is the best, at least for now. but why does he have to look so perfect? be so perfect? i mean, what guy do you know that just randomly cooks when he is bored? then comes and shares it with the ppl at work? god, he just looks so perfect. you can't help that you love him, but it's just not meant to be right now... and you have to stop yourself from calling him or texting...can't stir up his feelings or yours...sometimes you cry yourself to sleep...then a new day comes, think you've got it under control, then you come to work say hi, he smiles and you melt and want to just take it all back. just be with him...god you miss him!

well, life moves on and in a few years you don't know what could happen...maybe then you will get a second chance and it will be right this time...

average jane signing off

is he really the one?

one time i was just talking with my sister about guys and just whatever about them...she said something that really stuck with me. she said one thing that stood out to her as when she knew this one guy might be the one...someone special she should get to know better...was that jsut being around him was comfortable. that it felt like she had come home.

just recently i was hanging with a bunch of friends and we were playing video games. i had not played one of them before and my guy friend helped me figure out what i was to do. and he put his hand around mine and showed me what to do. it was brief, but for that brief time, it was just as if it felt comfortable and made me feel something. i don't really know how to describe it. but it made me wonder, am i right to be with this other guy, when i just get this feeling with a good guy friend of mine? am i ready to just give me heart to this other guy, when i'm not sure as to exactly how i feel? and you know...i don't think i am. but yeah i just got to thinking. and maybe this is just a sign that i need to step back and look at my life, where i'm headed, what goals i have and what plans i have to fulfill... but yeah..

averagejane signing off...

crazy weekend

so i just have to say this has been a crazy weekend... and now into the middle of the week. events happened friday, that broke my heart. but i just don't know what to think really. i love this guy, but, i've been talking to him and i don't think he was lying like i thought he might have been. but, today or tomorrow, i should know for sure. yesterday i'll admit that i was all ready to try and leave it in the past and just move on, no matter how hard that would be. cuz this guy is the first and only one i've truly loved. but now i'm thinking i just jumped to conclusions... i do tend to do that. i kind of have a fear of confrontation, so i don't tend to go ask the person what the situation is. anyhoo... well, now i think it's halfway resolved. but there is hurt feelings on both sides, so it may take a while to really put it all back together...


and i know there are a few of you out there that really just want to slap me right now cuz you think i'm just settin myself up to be hurt again. but don't worry about me. i'm okay. and i'm gonna be careful, it was just a misunderstanding.

anyhoo, average jane signing off...

i love him

so yeah here i am again...life is...hmm... life is just....life. it's okay, not bad, but not fantastic. just here. just existing. but yeah...is it normal to think of just one guy...so much that when you pass other guys on the street, cute ones, that you don't really thing of anyone but that one guy. seriously. i think of him all the time, love to be around him.

........................................................................................................................................


well, so this is like half a day later. so that special someone came to work a bit late cuz he went to some performance thing of his daughter's. but he walked in, and my knees just about gave out...he looked so....amazing. he normally i think is very hot. but he just was all spiffed up in a nice shirt, jeans, nice shoes, a cool leather jacket, and his hair had been cut. wow! is the only way i could describe my reaction. then he came over to my desk to say hi. and of course he had to smell incredible! lol... just wow. then even when he got on his work shirt and such, he still looked amazing. maybe i'm just biased cuz i love him. lol :D but i dont' care. he's just so incredible. i can't believe that he loves me. i can't believe how lucky i am....lol

well, i gotta go actually get some work done...

average jane signing off...

my heart is saying yes...

so...here's the deal. i did something a few weeks ago that i know was wrong, but felt so right...and the thing is, i want to do it again. but my mind is telling me no. my heart, well, i've allowed my emotions to get tied up in this...and nothing can happen right now... and if something did happen, i'd want it to be when both of us are unnattached. that it would happen cuz we both want it. no obligations or guilt trips... that's no way to live life... and yet i want something to happen right now. but it can't.. and i hate myself for wanting it to happen. cuz i think i'm falling fast and hard...in love maybe... cuz there has to be a physical and a mental attraction. wanting to be with someone for reasons beyond the physical part of a relationship. loving them for their mind and honesty. and i've found that...god i'm screwed up but here goes. i would live life wondering always, "what if..."

average jane signing off...