disappointed in men

so yeah, looks like once again, what i think is great turns out to be a load of shit. well, so from my previous posts you can understand that i think tall guy likes me. well, turns out maybe not like i thought so.

so i come from a mormon family. and every wednesday night, there is an activity for all the guys and girls between the ages of 12-18. well, last night, my activity was earlier than everyone else's, so after our opening part of the night, i didn't have to stay. but, i ended up hanging around the church. and so tall guy it appears still has a girlfriend. he tells me he likes me, but he has a girlfriend. anyone else find something wrong with this picture? anyways, but, so his brothers tell me he's off in one of the classrooms with his girlfriend. and so they go barge in on them and scare them. but, they're in one of the classrooms with the lights off. soon all of us are in there just talking. tall guy's girlfriend leaves for a minute and i get the chance to talk to him. and i ask him why he bothered to see if i liked him when he already has a girlfriend. and he basically said that in case he and his girlfriend break up, he wants a backup. he seriously told me i was just backup. yeah. talk about a slap in the face. and then he is sitting with his girlfriend and signs to me that he loves her. (oh side note about his girlfriend, she's bi. and i dont' have anything against gay or whatever ppl. i just thought it might bug him to be going out with girl that also goes with girls.) anyways, and then i'm just plain pissed off at him. and he tells me, in answer to my question of why he's going out with her, that i don't understand that guys have certain needs, meaning physical stuff. and i thought that was bullshit. but, then to make matters worse, i go and talk to him again completely alone. and i tell him that i do like him. but, i'm not gonna wait around and just hope he and his girlfriend break up. and so i just sit there and sort of talk to him and i'm really pissed and hurt and sad and angry, and almost any other emotion you can think of. and he could sense this. so he comes over to me. (we were in another classroom with the lights off.) and he said to me "what's wrong? you can tell me." and i just sit there. so he comes over and puts his arms around me and gives me a hug. then he rubs my back and tells me it's okay. and it felt nice. i'll admit it. so i told him how i felt about the whole situation. how i was angry, sad, jealous and frustrated. and he was nice about it. we were getting to really seriously discussing it when his girlfriend walked in. we immediately stopped talking and she was like, ' do i need to leave?" and we said that it was up to her. and i think she could sense something. but, she left us alone. soon after that, i had to go home, but, things were left unfinished between us.

but, this whole thing has me in a really depressed sort of mood. and i stillfeel every emotion possible. and that in itself is frustrating cuz i don't know how i completely feel about it. but, i guess life goes on. and for now, me and tall guy will be just friends. and if the time comes and he and his girlfriend break up, and i'm single, i may or may not give him a chance. we'll see how life is when i get there.

average jane signing off.