it scares the hell outta me...

so i guess, maybe it is time to grow up....i would have been offered the full time position at steve regan, if i hadn't told rose two seconds before that i was thinkin of going just part time...if i had said nothing, i think rose might have offered me the job. yet because i said something, i'll only be covering until she can find a replacement. and the more i think about goin back to just filing afterwards, i can't do that. i can't have a great job like that, and then go back to filing. i got to really talking to my mom last night about all of this, and it really got me thinking. i thought about how i have so many dreams. so many things i want to do. and how i won't have enough money for college. i also talk about how i won't ever let a man stand in the way of my dreams and goals. yet, here i am not wanting to give up my summer just in case a guy i like wants to hang out. i need to just forget him and move on. it's time. another thing. thinking about growing up scares the hell outta me. i want to move on, but at the same time, i dont' want to accept all the responsibility of growing up. it literally scares the hell outta me, as i said before. and in considering taking this job, i have so many doubts. like maybe i'd be doing the wrong thing, maybe i'd be making a big mistake. but i know that i would regret it if i didn't at least give the job a chance. like my mom said, i know what i'm going into with this job already. unlike some other job i might get. and i already love the job. also, i need the money to get a car and pay for college. rose starts advertising for the position on sunday. so i have to think fast about this and see if i can do it. cuz i know that i would like to have it. but i have to just try, because i dont' ever want to look back and regret not having done something. i never want to look back and say i should have done that. life is about choices and what choices we make determine the kind of ppl we become. so here i go. it's time to grow up. even though i am scared to death.

average jane signing off...wish me luck...