lost and confused

so i went to young womens tonight. and it was a combined activity with the guys. and i saw darion there. i even helped him with some things, like with the scripture mastery stuff. i'm pro at that. :D but then after we got all our things done, we went out and sat on the couch. and darion said, what's wrong? and i said, oh nothing. but he said no really. what's wrong? so i said i was confused. and he asked why. and i told him that one week he was all telling me he loved me. then the next he was all like, hey. and not as close. so i said i was confused. then he said nothing. so i said well, i'm gonna go outside and get some air. he said, do you want me to come with you? i said, if you want to. and so we went outside. and he and sorta talked. like about what if i could live anywhere outside of the US, where would i live, or would i not leave? and i said, somewhere in Europe. maybe italy or france or england. and i said i just want to see Europe and the world. and he said that's funny. and i said why is that funny, cuz it's not normal? and he said, no. he said, cuz i've been dreaming of traveling lately. and i totally was shocked. cuz it was funny that he totally gets my wanting to travel. and we talked of how in russia i only needed to see the st. peter's cathedral. (oh and the peterhoff palace i believe it's called) but then i could skip the rest of russia. but we talked about that and then we went and got brownies and ice cream. but then, we came back out and we weren't alone anymore. cuz other girls joined us. and then nick joined. but then at around 5 to 9 pm, i got up to leave and so did darion. he had to be home around 9 like me. but then we crossed the street and darion said he had to get home. and so he put his arms out to give me a hug. and i gave him a short hug. and he said, see you later. and i said whatever. he looked confused and said what's all that about? i said, you still haven't explained anything. so he said tomorrow morning. i'll explain. and i said when tomorrow morning? he said he'd be by my house around 7:05. so i'll be leaving earlier than i have in months. but i just want to hear what the deal is. whether we're just friends or more. i need to know.
but i guess what's the hardest about all this, is that when it's jsut me and darion, i see the real him. how he's so smart and so much more than "just a pretty face." he really is a great guy. and i think maybe this past week he's been having to deal with the fact that once again the ppl who were supposed to adopt him, may not. they're not sure. and i could tell it's a total blow to darion. i think this is the third time this has happened. sure he didn't really want to become mr. mormon boy. but i think he would have done it to be in a family. and that bites that once again it looks like it may not go through. when he said it, it literally broke my heart. for the thirtieth time. but i guess there's not much i can do about it. except just be his friend. i can't stop being that. cuz he's amzing. even if a little crazy sometimes.

anyhoo, so yeah. there's more explaination to my situation. or actually an update is more what it is. but i guess tomorrow i get to find out what darion means. either way i just need to know.

average jane signing off ( ignorance is bliss...somedays...)