okay jsut a note to those concerned....i'm okay! lol i was overreacting to something that i've got in control now! lol silly me
but life is just fantastic. one thing i've been waiting for a while to come, finally might be. i say might cuz things haven't been finalized quite yet. so i just dont want to say much in case i jinx it. that means no tellin what it is heath!! :D lol luv ya sis. but i'm really stoked. if all goes well you will either receive a text or an email by thursday or friday lettin you all know what this fantastic thing is...lol you may think i'm silly, but heck i am! lol and proud of it.
hmm...so life is just good. i got so much done at work today and i'm totally proud of myself. i was determined today would be a good one and it was. lol i made great effort to sound especially cheerful when i answered the phone...lol it was coolio! and now i'm just sittin at work, wishing i could take my shoes off cuz my feet are hot...lol i don't like shoes much btw. but since i have to wear them, i wear flip flops when possible and i make sure i have cute keds to wear when flip flops just aren't possible lol.... but yeah, i think i'll switch to flip flops when i get home.. or just no shoes at all! cuz it's a heat wave here at work and my hometown...lol it's 50 degrees farenheit i think! :D lol
oh and this morning there was the freakin' coolest fog over everything. i love fog and i am extremely fascinated by it. actually the other night...last friday the 22nd, there was this really cool fog as i was drivin home for the night around 1 am...actually it would have been the 23rd by then...lol but it was so cool. the fog was so dense!!! my goal someday is to find a place where the fog is so dense you can barely see your hand a few inches in front of you. then i will play tag!!! lol that would be so much fun!!! lol
another thing i have a goal to do someday, is to find tall corn or wheat field, tall enough you can't see eachother at all. like at least six feet tall corn stalks or wheat stalks, and then play tag there too. or hide 'n go seek. that would be extremely fun!!! lol yeah i know these goals are childish but they are just so cool!! lol
but yeah...tha's me for today! in a fantastic mood!! hope you all have a fantabulous evening!!!
averagejane signing off!! :D
Showing posts with label waiting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label waiting. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
my heart is saying yes...
so...here's the deal. i did something a few weeks ago that i know was wrong, but felt so right...and the thing is, i want to do it again. but my mind is telling me no. my heart, well, i've allowed my emotions to get tied up in this...and nothing can happen right now... and if something did happen, i'd want it to be when both of us are unnattached. that it would happen cuz we both want it. no obligations or guilt trips... that's no way to live life... and yet i want something to happen right now. but it can't.. and i hate myself for wanting it to happen. cuz i think i'm falling fast and hard...in love maybe... cuz there has to be a physical and a mental attraction. wanting to be with someone for reasons beyond the physical part of a relationship. loving them for their mind and honesty. and i've found that...god i'm screwed up but here goes. i would live life wondering always, "what if..."
average jane signing off...
average jane signing off...
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
A humongous update!! :D
a lot has gone on recently. i guess i've just been too lazy to tell it all...so now i have the time plus the motivation.
so, friday was an interesting day that began most of it. that would be october 5th. the day of my friend steph's wedding. well, so after work and in between going to her reception, i went to walmart with my sister. while there i saw my friend, jay funk, who i haven't really seen or talked to in like a year or so. he lives in my neighborhood, but because we both have lives and he has a full time job at desert star, where i used to work, we rarely see each other. but i have to admit that i really had a crush on him while i worked with him. he's only like 3 or 4 yrs. older than me. and seeing him again made me realize that i still have a crush on him. and can i jsut say that he gives great hugs!! i could just melt in his hugs... but we talked a bit and then i had to go. but we exchanged phone numbers...
so then it was time for stephs reception. so i threw on a skirt, then went to harmons for a card. it took me forever to find the right one that didn't seem all formal and old people-ish. and finally i found the perfect one. it said something along the lines of " i now pronounce you pookie and shnookums." and on the inside,"awww..." that totally fit steph and dave. cuz there was a time when steph was trying out pet names for dave. and we had names like shnookums and such. it was a riot. and dave's face each time we tried a new name was funny... lol so i got that card. then i went to the reception. i managed to get there right when steph was throwing the bouquet. she saw me come in and yelled at me to get over there. lol so i thought okay i can do this. cuz i have to admit that i was terribly worried how things would be. so then i kind of stepped back while the whole wedding group got some pics taken. and i was gonna go sit down at a table. but then looking over, i knew maybe two ppl there. and i wasn't sure how things were with them. and that's when i started to get teary eyed. cuz it was weird that a place that i used to feel was like my second home, now i felt so out of place in. and that's one of the worst things for me is to feel out of place. or not accepted. but the second thing didnt' apply this time.
so then i went through the line, and i gave sharon, steph's little sister a hug. then i went to stephs parents. and they made me feel good all over. cuz her dad is just like, "hey amybird!" (that name is an inside joke, that turned to our special thing) and then he acted like we had never met and said, "hi i'm the father of the bride," then turning to his wife, "and this is my wife." lol i shook their hands and played along with it. i love stephs parents beyond anything. they are my fav. but then i talked to steph and then on to dave's mom. she introduced herself and said that she thought she might have met me before. and i said yeah that i'd hung out with dave sometimes at their house. i didn't think it tactful to mention i had gone out with him, seein as he just got married. not that it mattered that we dated as we really just ended up friends. but yeah. then i talked to nathan, my bestest friend who was the best man. and i said and you are? and he introduced himself like we had never met. then he gave me a hug and said, "i don't normally hug strangers, but i have a feeling abt this." lol that really made me laugh. we chatted a minute then i just had to go. cuz i guess i had come hoping that everything would be back to normal. somehow. but then just being there and seeing how happy steph was, was just a reminder that nothing would be the same anymore. so neeedless to say, by the time i got to the parking lot, tears were streaming down my cheeks. i've always wondered abt when they say tears streaming down their cheeks. well, that's how it was. the tears just came. and i guess i made it worse driving home cuz i had a song playing called "for good" from the musical wicked. and one part really hit me. there is a part that says, (Elphaeba singing) "and just to clear the air i ask forgiveness for the things i've done you've blamed me for." (Glinda) "but then i guess we know there's blame to share, " (both) "and none of it seems to matter any more." so that reminded me of how steph and i had realized that we both had made stupid decisions and that ended our friendship. and i guess i wish i could say it doesn't matter anymore. but the fact is it does. cuz, nothing will be the same again. and i lost a best friend. and no matter how i try things wont' be the same. and a good portion of that is due to how i've changed over the summer. i have made more friends. but not to say they will ever replace my friendship with steph, but i've adapted and no longer will ever have one sole friendship that i rely on. cuz if things go sour, then it won't hurt as much, cuz it's not like my whole life is with that person.
well, now i got off on a tangent... so as i was driving home, i found out that my friend jay has a girlfriend so i was like oh. whatev. then i get a random text from my friend art. well, to make a long story short, he asked if i had a crush. and i told him i had two. and then he asked who they were. then asked if he were one of them. and so i told him that yes he was. and turns out he kinda likes me too. but i guess he's worried a bit about the whole dating some one from work. so yah. but i ran into him at walmart on saturday. and my sister was with me and she said that he definitely likes me! lol so that boosted me. but then when i came to work on monday, it was just like things were normal. but yeah. we might hang this weekend.
so then i hung with holly on sunday night and we just had a talk abt art and life and everything else. it was good. and i think what i really needed. good times... :)
but then lets see...oh the point of the above paragraph. well, while hangin with holly i was texting a friend cody. and then at one point i told him abt holly and he said i should hook them up. then i told him to ask chris about holly. so then he actually asked someone else about holly and they told cody she wasnt cute at all. and i got offended. so between this on monday and last night, tuesday, cody got the idea that i was mad at him, when i'm not. i'm just kind of mad at the person who said this abt. holly, most likely cuz she's a bit overweight, but freakin gorgeous, i think. anyhoo, so he texts me last night abt all this. well, so i tell him i'm not mad at him. and clear up this misunderstanding. then he said, btw you owe me a massage. and this was all from an earlier conversation. so i said, lol i'll give you that massage when you finally ask me out! ( cuz he keeps saying he'll ask me out. but just makes excuses.) then he replied, i'll ask you out if you dont deny me when i kiss you. so i replied, well i might be able to make that compromise...we'll see if you ask me out! so then he said, If you promise ill ask you out this weekend. so that totally caught me off guard. cuz he's been making excuses for weeks and now he's saying that he'll ask me out this weekend. so i had to think for a bit and acutally got advice from holly. so what i ended up telling him that i wouldn't deny him if he kissed me. but i told him if that's all he wanted from me then i would deny him. cuz i don't get down like that. never again. so we have that settled. but he has yet to ask me out. but if he doesnt' ask me out by thursday, i'll say no cuz i'll have plans of some sort. so as not to appear easy. cuz i'm not.
so yeah. that's abt what is all happening!! wow, that's a lot. so yeah...
well, there is this group called t.A.T.u. that i absolutely love and i just got their first CD. cuz i like it best. and there is this song called "all the things she said." and it's the song on my mind now cuz my mind keeps goin over everything art and cody said. like i don't think i like cody much anymore, except that he's cute and can be nice. and it would be fun to go out with him... but yeah... i'm just looking for casual dating. and it would be that with cody.
so yeah...
average jane signing off..
ps. btw cody smells really good, today especially. lol he just walked past me...mmmm..
EDIT: so after posting this all, i just had somethin else i was reminded to post. cuz i have to say that there is actually one guy that i like but dont' pursue anything with beyond friends. cuz he's already got a girlfriend. and she's so nice and sweet that i wouldn't think of even doin anything to get between them even if i could. (his name is casey, btw) but he's just way cute and just the right look that really makes me sigh. then art also has that look too...but just not the same as casey...*sigh*
so, friday was an interesting day that began most of it. that would be october 5th. the day of my friend steph's wedding. well, so after work and in between going to her reception, i went to walmart with my sister. while there i saw my friend, jay funk, who i haven't really seen or talked to in like a year or so. he lives in my neighborhood, but because we both have lives and he has a full time job at desert star, where i used to work, we rarely see each other. but i have to admit that i really had a crush on him while i worked with him. he's only like 3 or 4 yrs. older than me. and seeing him again made me realize that i still have a crush on him. and can i jsut say that he gives great hugs!! i could just melt in his hugs... but we talked a bit and then i had to go. but we exchanged phone numbers...
so then it was time for stephs reception. so i threw on a skirt, then went to harmons for a card. it took me forever to find the right one that didn't seem all formal and old people-ish. and finally i found the perfect one. it said something along the lines of " i now pronounce you pookie and shnookums." and on the inside,"awww..." that totally fit steph and dave. cuz there was a time when steph was trying out pet names for dave. and we had names like shnookums and such. it was a riot. and dave's face each time we tried a new name was funny... lol so i got that card. then i went to the reception. i managed to get there right when steph was throwing the bouquet. she saw me come in and yelled at me to get over there. lol so i thought okay i can do this. cuz i have to admit that i was terribly worried how things would be. so then i kind of stepped back while the whole wedding group got some pics taken. and i was gonna go sit down at a table. but then looking over, i knew maybe two ppl there. and i wasn't sure how things were with them. and that's when i started to get teary eyed. cuz it was weird that a place that i used to feel was like my second home, now i felt so out of place in. and that's one of the worst things for me is to feel out of place. or not accepted. but the second thing didnt' apply this time.
so then i went through the line, and i gave sharon, steph's little sister a hug. then i went to stephs parents. and they made me feel good all over. cuz her dad is just like, "hey amybird!" (that name is an inside joke, that turned to our special thing) and then he acted like we had never met and said, "hi i'm the father of the bride," then turning to his wife, "and this is my wife." lol i shook their hands and played along with it. i love stephs parents beyond anything. they are my fav. but then i talked to steph and then on to dave's mom. she introduced herself and said that she thought she might have met me before. and i said yeah that i'd hung out with dave sometimes at their house. i didn't think it tactful to mention i had gone out with him, seein as he just got married. not that it mattered that we dated as we really just ended up friends. but yeah. then i talked to nathan, my bestest friend who was the best man. and i said and you are? and he introduced himself like we had never met. then he gave me a hug and said, "i don't normally hug strangers, but i have a feeling abt this." lol that really made me laugh. we chatted a minute then i just had to go. cuz i guess i had come hoping that everything would be back to normal. somehow. but then just being there and seeing how happy steph was, was just a reminder that nothing would be the same anymore. so neeedless to say, by the time i got to the parking lot, tears were streaming down my cheeks. i've always wondered abt when they say tears streaming down their cheeks. well, that's how it was. the tears just came. and i guess i made it worse driving home cuz i had a song playing called "for good" from the musical wicked. and one part really hit me. there is a part that says, (Elphaeba singing) "and just to clear the air i ask forgiveness for the things i've done you've blamed me for." (Glinda) "but then i guess we know there's blame to share, " (both) "and none of it seems to matter any more." so that reminded me of how steph and i had realized that we both had made stupid decisions and that ended our friendship. and i guess i wish i could say it doesn't matter anymore. but the fact is it does. cuz, nothing will be the same again. and i lost a best friend. and no matter how i try things wont' be the same. and a good portion of that is due to how i've changed over the summer. i have made more friends. but not to say they will ever replace my friendship with steph, but i've adapted and no longer will ever have one sole friendship that i rely on. cuz if things go sour, then it won't hurt as much, cuz it's not like my whole life is with that person.
well, now i got off on a tangent... so as i was driving home, i found out that my friend jay has a girlfriend so i was like oh. whatev. then i get a random text from my friend art. well, to make a long story short, he asked if i had a crush. and i told him i had two. and then he asked who they were. then asked if he were one of them. and so i told him that yes he was. and turns out he kinda likes me too. but i guess he's worried a bit about the whole dating some one from work. so yah. but i ran into him at walmart on saturday. and my sister was with me and she said that he definitely likes me! lol so that boosted me. but then when i came to work on monday, it was just like things were normal. but yeah. we might hang this weekend.
so then i hung with holly on sunday night and we just had a talk abt art and life and everything else. it was good. and i think what i really needed. good times... :)
but then lets see...oh the point of the above paragraph. well, while hangin with holly i was texting a friend cody. and then at one point i told him abt holly and he said i should hook them up. then i told him to ask chris about holly. so then he actually asked someone else about holly and they told cody she wasnt cute at all. and i got offended. so between this on monday and last night, tuesday, cody got the idea that i was mad at him, when i'm not. i'm just kind of mad at the person who said this abt. holly, most likely cuz she's a bit overweight, but freakin gorgeous, i think. anyhoo, so he texts me last night abt all this. well, so i tell him i'm not mad at him. and clear up this misunderstanding. then he said, btw you owe me a massage. and this was all from an earlier conversation. so i said, lol i'll give you that massage when you finally ask me out! ( cuz he keeps saying he'll ask me out. but just makes excuses.) then he replied, i'll ask you out if you dont deny me when i kiss you. so i replied, well i might be able to make that compromise...we'll see if you ask me out! so then he said, If you promise ill ask you out this weekend. so that totally caught me off guard. cuz he's been making excuses for weeks and now he's saying that he'll ask me out this weekend. so i had to think for a bit and acutally got advice from holly. so what i ended up telling him that i wouldn't deny him if he kissed me. but i told him if that's all he wanted from me then i would deny him. cuz i don't get down like that. never again. so we have that settled. but he has yet to ask me out. but if he doesnt' ask me out by thursday, i'll say no cuz i'll have plans of some sort. so as not to appear easy. cuz i'm not.
so yeah. that's abt what is all happening!! wow, that's a lot. so yeah...
well, there is this group called t.A.T.u. that i absolutely love and i just got their first CD. cuz i like it best. and there is this song called "all the things she said." and it's the song on my mind now cuz my mind keeps goin over everything art and cody said. like i don't think i like cody much anymore, except that he's cute and can be nice. and it would be fun to go out with him... but yeah... i'm just looking for casual dating. and it would be that with cody.
so yeah...
average jane signing off..
ps. btw cody smells really good, today especially. lol he just walked past me...mmmm..
EDIT: so after posting this all, i just had somethin else i was reminded to post. cuz i have to say that there is actually one guy that i like but dont' pursue anything with beyond friends. cuz he's already got a girlfriend. and she's so nice and sweet that i wouldn't think of even doin anything to get between them even if i could. (his name is casey, btw) but he's just way cute and just the right look that really makes me sigh. then art also has that look too...but just not the same as casey...*sigh*
Friday, June 22, 2007
it's the night!! :D
so, tonight is the night of the date. right now its 7:29. and he should be calling soon... cuz here's how things went at work.
well, we were really busy and we were down 5 ppl on my level, and 2 in the warehouse. so robert was so busy that he didnt' have time to talk to me until about closing time. so he comes up to me and says,'wow this is the first time today i've had a chance to talk to you.' cuz they were busy. but then he said that he didn't have time to do what he had wanted to do, cuz he had to walk and get his car from someplace. and he had a few other things to do. he told me he wanted to take me out to dinner and a movie, but asked if i would be okay to do something around 8 pm. i told him i was okay with that. but then he asked, 'well, can i have your phone number so i can call you?' and i said, ' that's silly, why would i want to give you my number? ' totally sarcastic, but i gave him my number. then i told him that i was actually getting a cell phone next month. then he realized that this was my home phone number. and he said, ' i'm calling your home phone?' and i said, 'yah, but don't worry. i'll have the house to myself by the time you call.' so he said he'd call me.
and now it's 7:40 pm. i hope he calls. cuz i really want to go out with him. cuz as i sit here i think that maybe he changed his mind, maybe he lost my phone number. or any countless things. and so i sit here waiting.... but yeah....anyhoo...hope he calls...
averagejane signing off...still waiting (now 7:47 pm...)
well, we were really busy and we were down 5 ppl on my level, and 2 in the warehouse. so robert was so busy that he didnt' have time to talk to me until about closing time. so he comes up to me and says,'wow this is the first time today i've had a chance to talk to you.' cuz they were busy. but then he said that he didn't have time to do what he had wanted to do, cuz he had to walk and get his car from someplace. and he had a few other things to do. he told me he wanted to take me out to dinner and a movie, but asked if i would be okay to do something around 8 pm. i told him i was okay with that. but then he asked, 'well, can i have your phone number so i can call you?' and i said, ' that's silly, why would i want to give you my number? ' totally sarcastic, but i gave him my number. then i told him that i was actually getting a cell phone next month. then he realized that this was my home phone number. and he said, ' i'm calling your home phone?' and i said, 'yah, but don't worry. i'll have the house to myself by the time you call.' so he said he'd call me.
and now it's 7:40 pm. i hope he calls. cuz i really want to go out with him. cuz as i sit here i think that maybe he changed his mind, maybe he lost my phone number. or any countless things. and so i sit here waiting.... but yeah....anyhoo...hope he calls...
averagejane signing off...still waiting (now 7:47 pm...)
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