~no explanation~

wow! so i totally just have to blog about today! like it is one of the best days i've had at work in a long while. The day actually started out interesting cuz i was totally tired lol. It's totally my own fault, but i will definitely admit it! he he. anyhoo, so i was at work, determined not to drink a mountain dew, though i was craving the taste of it, along with knowing that the caffeine and sugar in it would wake me up and give me some extra energy. The reason i was determined not to drink it is because of a informal bet with my boyfriend, jay...lol He said i am addicted to caffeine and such. however i adamantly protest that i am not. i told him i would prove it to him by not having caffeine for a month. lol started out as just a week. anyhooo, i am getting sidetracked. so i broke down and bought one mtn. dew. mm....it tasted great! :D lol so about over the next hour or two, my energy was replenished...until i crash tonight...he he. anyhoo.

so then as the day progressed, because i was not feeling so tired, my mood definitely improved. i was feeling fantastic! i went home at lunch and was able to clean my room somewhat...he he. and i think just to be able to start to pull my room together gave me a sense of accomplishment. really helped just boost my mood even further. :D

then i headed back to work. and i was in the most fantabulous mood! it was like wow! amzing...he he. my mood just kept up and the day went by nicely. it slowed down for a while and it began to feel like it was a holiday weekend at work, where everybody is just heading out for the weekend so nobody was really coming in to buy stuff. it was really nice! and then my supervisor asked to see me at about 3:30ish. i got kind of nervous. i wondered what could have possibly warranted a trip up to her office. so i headed upstairs a bit nervous. i headed in and her first question was about an invoice that had my sales number on it. i explained what it was and that i hadn't written it. thank goodness i remembered that ticket!! he he. then she told me that it was time for the yearly evaluation. and she gave me a form to fill out and give back to her at a later meeting, once i was finished with it. then i happened to comment that i had wondered what now, kind of, when i heard she wanted to talk to me. then she said to me, you know you don't have to be afraid of me. and that's when i admitted that i was kind of scared of her. she just laughed and told me she could tell whenever she came down, by the look on my face. i told her that i was scared because of the rocky start i had gotten off to. and so then she said, with me, once we discuss something and resolve it, it's forgotten. so dont worry. and i said okay. and i left her office like 10 lbs. lighter. it was amzing! like i had gotten one of the best gifts in the world.

just now, i am realizing how my life is coming together in so many ways. and i have no explanation for it. it began with jay. and then continued on in three fold today. i dont' know how or why i have had all this happen to me. but i don't deserve it. though i am definitely trying to live to prove that i can one day feel i deserve it. funny thought came to mind about why everything was going right today. i had finally for sure made up my mind yesterday to talk to my bishop. and i asked jay to be there for me. partly for just support, a happy face when i get out of his office. partly to not let me back out. and he told me that he would so be there for me. and that was the best feeling in the world.

anyhoo. life is great! laters...

average jane signing off...

life is good! :D

once again i had the time of my life. mostly just because i was with jay. any time i can spend with him is the best...he is the best thing to happen to me. i'm so freakin lucky!!! lol

so today what did we do...lol we went to the clark planetarium and watched one of their IMAX shows. we have a duo membership there, so we figured why not use it. and i got to chose what we saw. lol we watched a film on mummies. it was way cool!!! i was so intrigued and would have loved to know more...lol must be my inner geek coming out. lol i try to repress it lol but i don't have to when i'm with jay, cuz he is just as geeky or more!! lol not that its a bad thing! i love it. because i don't feel like i have to explain things like 5 times until they get it. but yah...we had his sister kellyann along with us and she got bored i think watching it. lol but i had a blast! then we dragged poor jay along with us to some other stores lol. he's such a good sport. lol then we stopped in one of my fav. stores and jay loves it too. lol Barnes and Noble bookstore! lol gotta love books. it took all my will not to leave with an armful of books! lol we kind of teased jay by taking him into the astrology section, knowing full well he hates horoscopes and astrology...lol he was a good sport! lol we didn't stay there too long. lol but it's great that we have a mutual love of books! lol :D then we went on to bath and body works and we left after a bit cuz the mixed smells were getting to us both ... oh, then we decided to go to temple square lol. and the moment we walked in the gates, we were ambushed by this old gentleman that volunteers there . lol yes i mean ambush. like we had walked inside and been barely inside two seconds and he was like hi!!! have you been here before? lol but it was all good. and we ended up taking a tour. it was actually kinda cool..lol

but overall i think the best thing was just having jay near. i mean i was content to just walk along with his hand in mine, or his arms around me. i was comfortable and i didn't care who was looking. i feel comfortable in who i am and who i was with. most often, before me and jay were going out...i would just feel awkward somewhat on dates and uncomfortable with the guys...even though i liked them. like i was okay when it was just us, or with friends, but when i was out in public, it was awkward to me. i know it sounds weird...but that is how it was. then whenever i'm with jay, it's like none of that matters. i'm just with him and i don't seem to care much anymore. some things like us swinging our entertwined hands and skipping, lol, were totally me coming out of my bubble...but that is normal lol. though today it was fun actually lol :D lol anyhoo...so then, jay dropped me back at my house around 6 pm...lol we had been together for around 6 hours... :D but then we lingered on the doorstep. i didn't want him to go, and he didn't want to go either...lol :D i really am falling for him...:) life is great. it really is all going fantabulous~! can't wait to see him again...lol

well, laters...

averagejane floating off! :D

lovin life

*sigh* i don't think my life could be any more perfect than it is right now. i've got the best guy in the world...a job that is amzing....amzing friends...just everything is perfect. i don't feel like my life is just spiraling off into nowhere, like it has often over the last year or so. i would look at where i had been and mentally slapped myself. how did i get into the dumbest situations. you know...i will tell you. i was tryin so hard to break out of my "bubble", so trying to shock others, or prove them wrong, that i really wasn't choosing the things i really wanted, that i knew could not bring me anything but happiness. i chose the things i thought would make me happy, but that only lasted temporarily and i constantly set myself up for disappointment. but now i feel i've finally broke out of that pattern, come off that path. my life has taken a turn for the better, heck the best!!! my life could not possibly be much better than this.

two songs come to mind. one is called "i'm only me when i'm with you" by taylor swift. i love that song....just go on yahoo music to listen to it. but the part that i love is the chorus..." i'm only up when you're not down, don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground..." it's just cute...lol i've decided this song for various reasons is my song for jay...i mean he's never down! so that means i'm always happy. he makes me happy. i don't think i've felt this giddy and happy and floating on cloud nine! i don't think i could ever not want to be with him. and it also feels like i've known himf forever and that we have been dating longer than just almost a week. maybe that is cuz we have seen each other literally every night this week...lol or day as the case may be...lol and each time the only thing making it any easier to let him go, is the thought that i will see him in a few hours...lol well, sometimes more than a few. but still lol :D yeah...i feel so freaking lucky to have found a guy like this. i can't believe i am this lucky. he tells me he thinks he is luckier to have me, and i just say, i think i am so much luckier. how did i get such a cute, good looking!, sweet, adorable guy to be with me!?!?! lol yeah i really am lucky...and one thing i know for sure in this world....everything happens for a reason. and at the moment, i don't know why i got this lucky. but i do know that my previous relationships, even though they were crappy, had to happen so that i really could appreciate this great guy i have. jay is the sweetest guy i could ever hope for. i hope to not lose him...

but now that i have sufficiently babbled on about just jay...lol now i should probably mention what we did!~! lol we went to an improv show first off...well, that was after day murray music lol. but i loved the improv show! it was hilarious and i can't wait to go back next friday! lol me and jay have already planned that!! :D yay i think it's one of the times i have laughed the hardest in a long time.

then we decided to get something to eat when we got out. lol it was like 9 pm or 930, so we didn't eat until like 10 lol but then we hung at jay's house and him being a good guy (lol :D ) had to make sure i was home before midnight... i stalled a few times lol....he he ...he he...ha. but yah funny stuff...but lets just say that once again, jay amazed me at how amazing he is....

so i finally came home at 11:30 ish...and stalled more on the porch..lol (just one more jay...lol he he : D ) but i just couldn't resist....i had the greatest guy in the world in my arms...would you want to let go if you had the best person in the world with you? :) anyhoo...

well, i should go to sleep! i get to see him in 11 hours and 42 minutes!~~ :D yay!!! *kisses to my guy*

avearagejane floating away on cloud nine

oh p.s.. lol i forgot to mention the other song in my head. it's called "some hearts" by carrie underwood...the part really sticking with me is " i've never been the kind that you call lukcy,always stumblin around in circles, but i must have stumbled into something. look at me am i really alone with you...." lol *floats away...*

update pt. 1

so i guess it's time for an update...lol it's been a crazy while. lol

yeah so the previous entry. i know what you all think happened and let me say...yea it happened and it was hella fun...lol worth it even though the next morning i really just wanted to sleep! lol but just so that there isn't any doubt, here is an account of the event! lol

so thurs. april 24th, a friend at work came up to me, his name is j., and asked what i was doin that night. i told him i had a short class then pretty much nothing. so he asked me if i wanted to go to a Jazz game that night and i told him sure. lol it was funny cuz i remember him being all like flustered lol. but anyhoo...we kept in contact for the rest of the day and i ended up skipping my ASL final to get to the game early for dinner and such. lol but so i met him and his roomie and his roomie's girlfriend at j.'s place. then we drove up together in j's roomie's car. it was pretty cool lol. but i liked his friend and the girlfriend. they were cool and nice to me. it was cool because i could tell that they both were the ones who had been popular in high school, a crowd i hadn't run with. so to just be accepted as is was really cool for me. anyhoo...gettin on a tangent. once we got the Delta center, now called the Energy Solutions arena, we went and got our tickets and such and i found out we were in the season ticket holders section!! lol and we got the VIP stuff like dinner and a free shirt, etc. but so we all got somethin to eat and i settled while they went off to get some beer. there was unlimited beer with the VIP dinner. the funny part is that j. came back with a beer for me. lol he just comes up behind me and says, " i got you a heineken." lol i laughed on the inside. i guess he just thought that 1) i was old enough to drink and 2) that i did drink. lol it was way cool. so i drank it. then as we went to go into the game, j. asked if i wanted another one. lol i said sure. so then we went and watched the game! it was a blast. i found out after j. asked me to go to the game that it was the first playoff game. that made me even more excited to go. then to have fantastic seats on the 6th row, wow it was a good night to start with. then i was in good company with j. but about8-10 min before halftime, i really had to pee~ hee hee. i know TMI. but it was funny to me. cuz then at halftime i had to go a gain... anyhoo. also at halftime, we made our way back to where we had dinner and got some more beer. i think j. had like 3 more. i had one more. that was plenty for me. i took it back to the game. then we finished watching the game! damn it was a close game!!! i loved it it was so intense!

the game finished around 11:30 pm. we were all so high on the game and of course the beer. :D but then we headed back to j. and his roomie's place. i ended up staying there with j. for about 2 more hours and then his roomie, b., went to his girlfriend's place. it was a blast. i watched some family guy! it was my first time really watching it and i loved it. hee hee. it was funny. but then about partway through our hangout, he kissed me...lol he's a good kisser...we kissed a bit, i'll leave it at that. :D i finally left his place at around 2:30 am. got home about 3 am.

the next day at work, i was tired. no duh! and i really feel bad cuz i was kind of a bitch at work! he he i think it was a mixture of lack of sleep and my first three beers all in one night! yeah crazy mix!

well i'll finish this update in a bit...gotta close up work! :D

average jane signing off....

fantastical days-it's all in the attitude!!! :D

okay jsut a note to those concerned....i'm okay! lol i was overreacting to something that i've got in control now! lol silly me

but life is just fantastic. one thing i've been waiting for a while to come, finally might be. i say might cuz things haven't been finalized quite yet. so i just dont want to say much in case i jinx it. that means no tellin what it is heath!! :D lol luv ya sis. but i'm really stoked. if all goes well you will either receive a text or an email by thursday or friday lettin you all know what this fantastic thing is...lol you may think i'm silly, but heck i am! lol and proud of it.

hmm...so life is just good. i got so much done at work today and i'm totally proud of myself. i was determined today would be a good one and it was. lol i made great effort to sound especially cheerful when i answered the phone...lol it was coolio! and now i'm just sittin at work, wishing i could take my shoes off cuz my feet are hot...lol i don't like shoes much btw. but since i have to wear them, i wear flip flops when possible and i make sure i have cute keds to wear when flip flops just aren't possible lol.... but yeah, i think i'll switch to flip flops when i get home.. or just no shoes at all! cuz it's a heat wave here at work and my hometown...lol it's 50 degrees farenheit i think! :D lol

oh and this morning there was the freakin' coolest fog over everything. i love fog and i am extremely fascinated by it. actually the other night...last friday the 22nd, there was this really cool fog as i was drivin home for the night around 1 am...actually it would have been the 23rd by then...lol but it was so cool. the fog was so dense!!! my goal someday is to find a place where the fog is so dense you can barely see your hand a few inches in front of you. then i will play tag!!! lol that would be so much fun!!! lol

another thing i have a goal to do someday, is to find tall corn or wheat field, tall enough you can't see eachother at all. like at least six feet tall corn stalks or wheat stalks, and then play tag there too. or hide 'n go seek. that would be extremely fun!!! lol yeah i know these goals are childish but they are just so cool!! lol

but yeah...tha's me for today! in a fantastic mood!! hope you all have a fantabulous evening!!!

averagejane signing off!! :D

happy single awareness day!

so since it's valentines day today, or among me and my sister- "happy single's awareness day", lol i decided to have a template on my blog that is valentiney...lol if that's even a word!! lol i'll probably keep it up for the rest of the week cuz i'll be too lazy to change it. and i kind of like it so it'll have to be on my blog for more than one day!! :D lol

but so happy single awareness day to all!! :D lol so hope you all have fun plans for tonight/today. me and my sis are gonna go see the new movie Step Up 2: The Streets lol i'm so excited cuz i love dance movies. my friend didn't really want to come with when we invited him cuz he complained it was just another dance movie with no plot...lol it might be but it's got some wicked dance moves and wicked dancing music!! :D lol that's what i really want to go see the movies for ! lol

but yeah life is good. okay with being single.

oh and so there is snow here. it snowed yesterday afternoon into last night...lol it was supposed to be a small storm, snow wouldn't stick for long. well on part of the state got about 2 feet at least...lol that's a good amount for a storm that was supposed to be small. lol but then here in the valley, we got about 6 in. in some places. lol but anyhoo, so i was on my morning break and i was walking outside and my friend was out there too. he's a guy i dated for a while. but then we were just talking and saying that me and my sis. were gonna go to a movie. and he said, what no valentine? lol i told him no, both of us are single...and okay with that. lol but so then we were just talking some more, and then he threw a snowball at me. so i decided to retaliate. lol i was about 4 ft away and missed!! lol it was terrible so i grabbed more snow and threw again and hit this time. lol but we just had a lazy snoball fight...lol it was fun. then i had to head back and i said, not that this hasn't been fun but i gotta get back. then i headed through the fertilizer room and back to the main warehouse. and next thing i know there is a snowball hitting the ground. lol i turned around and then there was another one. lol it didn't break up when it hit the ground so i took it and threw it at him. i would have hit him if he hadn't ducked...lol but then i hurried forward and got some snow and then as he came around the corner with a snowball, i was prepared. lol we threw at each other, i hit him, he barely got my shoulder when i tried to dodge it. lol but it was fun@! i love that i'm able to joke and such with him again. but yeah today is going good.

so i need to call the DMV for my driving record cuz of a ticket i got about 6 months ago.. and i have to make a call to civil courts. the second call is for...let's just say...detective work for me. lol it should be interesting. anyhoo...g2g get back to work...

averagejane signing off...

life is great

wow! so yeah life is going great to be honest! i miss him every day...which in itself is funny cuz i see him 5 days a week still. but i'm learning to cope and be okay and get where i'm going in this life. i have this new fav. quote. it comes from the movie, "p.s. i love you." it's something along the lines of "getting through this life we have...realizing that none of us get out alive." it just made me realize, when i heard it, even more than i already realized it, we don't get out of this life alive. we all are eventually gonna die. i mean, wow, it really just hit me when the character, holly, said it at the end of the movie. lilke it was just so blunt and yet so beautifully said. i'll have to see the movie again and write down the line exactly so you all can get what i mean! but yeah...

add: oh so i totally found the quote i mentioned above, online!!! how lucky is that! lol but here it is...feel free to comment on it. cuz it made me really think!

"This is my one and only life, and it is a great and terrible and short and endless thing, and none of us come out of it alive." (said by Holly, the character played by Hilary Swank.)

so tonight i'm gonna go see a movie called 27 dresses with my sister. i've been waiting for at least a month for it to come out and i can't wait to see it!! :D lol for those of you who don't know the story line, here's a short summary of it. there is this girl, who has been a bridesmaid 27 times, for jsut all of her friends and such. she is in love with a guy she works with ( the guy may be her boss, but i'm not sure! ). one night she is at a club, with her friend and the guy she is in love with is there too...not sure why or if it's just coincedence. but her friend tells her she has to go and tell him how she feels. but who should come up just as she does to this guy? her sister. and the girl introduces them both, they fall in love and then over like the next few weeks get engaged. so the girl's name is jane, btw...but jane plans her sisters wedding. but a little twist to this story even more, is that at the last wedding/reception jane was at, she met this oober cute guy played by james marsden. anyhoo, so in this all , the two of them become friends and he helps her realize that maybe it's time for her to find her happy ending!! this results in a good quote in the movie that goes as follows, (said by actor James Marsden) "you'd rather focus on other people's kodak moments, rather than make memories of your own." so it's really motivating to me to get out and live my life and make my own "kodak moments." lol but life is really just good. like a few times today i had thoughts that threatened to really dampen my mood. like thoughts of him, and wondering if he's okay. but i told myself it didn't help any to get all down on myself or anything. i can just reasonably worry that he's okay, without it really pulling me down. and i've done well today at keepin my mood up!! it does help that i have a flirt buddy...lol his name is ron. and he's cute! anyhoo...but also, i've been doing a little stretching of my legs on my breaks. it's really cool!! and easy to do.

lol so that's my life. been busy with school and work and just life in general but all is just fantastic!! ;) average jane signing off!

ps. i think it helps that i have my hair in pigtails. cuz they are such a fun hairdo to have and they make you feel like a little kid sometimes! :D

i love life! he hee

so, the funniest thing happened yesterday. so i was at work and my dad comes in to tell me they had dropped off the car for me to get home, cuz they had dropped me off at work. but then my mom comes in and says she thought she might as well see where i work while she's here. so of course i have to introduce her to all my wonderful friends at work. so i take her to pumps dept. to meet callie, and i tell my mom callie is my favorite. but then my dad who has already met most everyone says that i have to have mom meet Art, a guy back in pumps dept. who is a good friend and i kind of have a crush on. so, i go back to the shop to see if hes there, but he isn't. so then i just come back to my desk. like two minutes later, he calls up to my phone and i tell him to stay where he is that i want my parents to meet him. so i go back there and they all meet...

well, then my parents leave cuz they have places to be. but then like 20 min. later, my friend callie comes up to me and says that she is in trouble now. and i ask her what she'd done now. she told me that she had said to Art that my parents had come just to meet him! lol lol so then she said that he blushed. then asked if callie was serious. callie said yeah. then he kind of smiled. so i later questioned more about the smile. and she said that it was an "oh-she-likes-me" smile. then i asked if it was an "oh, awkward, she likes me" smile or an "oh-she-likes-me-pleased" smile. and callie said it was definitely a pleased "oh-she-likes-me" smile! lol

totally made my day. well, that's all.

average jane signing off! :D

missing him but lovin cali!! :D

hey all!!!! so i'm in cali right now!! that is california!!! :D but i'm incredibly bored so here is my update since i've been so busy and not much time to write!!!

well, as most of my friends who read this know, i'm in california right now on family vacation. we came for disneyland!!! it's been two years since we came last and i am glad to be back. but at the same time i am terribly missing some people. like right now and for the past few days i have been terribly missing a guy i'm sort of dating. it's complicated. well, i've mentioned him before. his name is chris... and i have been missing him something fierce. i actually just had to call him last night on my sister's phone, cuz mine has no service outside utah!! :( bummer!! but i got to talk to him for about fifteen minutes which was good for me. but as we were driving yesterday, it seemed that he was all i could think about. just wanting him close to me. but alas, he is so far away. and this is totally not like me. and i'm the one who wanted to slow things down, but here i am a lot of miles away ( i don't know the exact amount) and i'm missing him terribly!!! what is wrong with me.... but yeah. so that is my babble about chris for now....

but, i really am excited for disneyland. i love that place. of course the first ride me and my sister rachel are goin on is pirates of the carribean!!! i so can't wait. and then the tower of terror at least a few hundred times!!! lol but yeah. oh and btw, i'm typing all this on my sister rachels laptop! she brought it with her andn we have free wireless internet at our hotel.... but i really can't wait for tomorrow!!! and i'm sure the week will just fly by cuz i'll be having so much fun!!!

but i just have to mention again that i'm missing chris a lot... but i'll see him in a week! cuz i'm calling him as soon as i get back and i'll show up at his place. but yeah i'm just so far gone. and i'm not really sure what to do. cuz even though i want to slow it down to be safe, whenever i'm near him i don't want to leave. he makes me happy and laugh, and makes me believe in myself and push life to the limits. it's great. cuz no one has ever really done that for me before. like i know my mom says you can do it! go for it. but that is mostly in academics. chris pulls me out of my books and pulls me into real life and real experiences! its' the most amzing feeling especially to know he's there beside me all the way. cuz i know he only wants the best for me. and i think i'm in his life for a reason. cuz i think he really wants to quit smoking, but i need to be here to provide some extra motivation!!! yeah, he's helped me so much all ready, now it's my turn! so here i go. oh god, i miss him. his arms around me, his kisses....lol

enough said, so it's been crazy. but i got to go!!!

average jane signing off!!! (disneyland here i come!!! chris, honey, see you soon!! :D )

just life and such

well, it's been a few days since i've written, but i have a good explanation. i got into an accident on tuesday and i've been in the hospital..... just kidding. about the hospital part though.... i really did get in an accident. it was only a fender bender. and only damaged my car really. it would cost me around the same to replace the parts i damaged as to get a new car. so my parents will prob. just get a new car eventually...but my car is okay and i'm okay. i had a little whiplash, but not too bad. and of course i got a ticket for negligent collision. you know, i don't really know why i was so distracted and why my car didn't stop or why i didn't just swerve. i had been texting a bit, but i had plenty of space to stop and i slammed on my brakes and i was only going like 45 mph. but i guess maybe i was just so distracted. but if i ever get caught in that sort of situation again, i will remember to swerve and save myself the ticket and the damage. but yeah.

oh and so that night when i was in the accident i was actually on my way to pick up chris to go to the rodeo. and i was all high strung when i got to his house, but he was so sweet and we just relaxed and i calmed down. he was amzing about all of it. it actually turned out to be better that we just hung out at his apartment. i really had a good time. and he was just so cute. it all turned out okay.

but then on wednesday, july fourth we ended up going to sugarhouse for the fireworks and i had a good time. it was really good fireworks, the best i've seen i have to admit. we walked back to my car. and then we hung there for a sec. and kissed. lol it was good...but then we managed to make it back to his place to hang for about 20 min. then he walked me to my car, and kissed me goodnight. then i managed to get home before midnight!!!! :D

but, thursday robert showed up for work. and it was kind of funny to see him. and you know? i really don't have such hard feelings for him. not anymore. i've kind of gotten over it sort of. like i still think he's a jerk, but i don't care anymore because i'm not gonna be fooled again. and i can actually talk to him civilly and say hi. but yeah. that chapter is closed, and we just exist as acquaintances.

but, so i have a "date" lol for saturday. somehow, my friend meisha ended up setting up a date with my cousin and she was talking to me about it and told me that she wanted to know if i wanted to come with her. so i told her sure. and i called up my bud nathan to see if he wanted to come with me! and it looks like we're gonna hang on saturday. cuz we haven't hung out for a month. but yeah that should be a blast.


anyhoo, so i thought that i should take things slower with chris. and i wasn't gonna do anything this weekend with chris, that's why i didn't ask him to come with me on saturday. but he might call tonight, and we'll probably do something. whether we go to a movie or just hang at his place.

oh and i have to put in a plug here. so there is something called net radio. it's really pretty much amzing. but ppl are trying to make it so costly that it would basically get rid of net radio. and i don't know how many of you listen to it. but for my sake and those that listen, take a stand. let your congressmen know that they shouldn't up the price of the net radio. thats why i put the banners on my blog. so please take a stand and go to savenetradio.org and do what you can!!! please cuz there is not much time left...

but yeah....well, that's all for this time. til later.

averagejane signing off!

oh and side note, so i hadn't worn my second piercing for a while and i tried to put an earring back in, and amzingly i got it back it. so yeah.... but i love life...:D

a new friend named stephy! :D

so i know that i just posted. but i just have to say. i jsut met a girl online that is so after my own heart. she's fun to talk to and loves to read. she's younger than me but oober cool... the funny thing...yeah her name is stephanie! lol it's so crazy. of all the ppl i chose to talk to on the chat room, i pick this girl, not knowing her real name til we talk on messenger, and it turns out to be stephanie. i told her the irony of it and she laughed online! :D anyhoo, just thought you all should know. cuz it's she who is responsible for the turn around in my attitude! i will be okay....well, i g2g.

average jane signing off ( i'll be okay, i promise! :D )

darion makes me happy, yet confused...

last night i had a dream...about darion. and you all know that dreams often are either our subconcious telling us something or something that is really on our mind. well, obviously darion is on my mind... :D

so my dream...well, i was in california. that much i remember. i don't know why cali, but i was there with darion. i had gotten there by plane. that i remember... but, we were in a church and darion was being the usher(the person who passes out the church programs of the meeting, for those who don't know what i mean...) and so i sat by him for a bit. i couldn't sit by him for very long cuz my parents were there at the church too and i think expected me to sit by them. but just sitting by him, i could really feel he liked me and we just talked. it was cool. and then i got up for something, and randomly this girl liz that, in the dream, was some ex-girlfriend of his in cali, came up to him and she hugged him. and i got oober jealous. tha's really all i remember.

but this is the first time in a long time that i've dreamt about a guy i like. the last one i dreamt about was a good friend that it turns out doesn't like me as more than a friend... and then before that dave...so i guess it's like making me realize how much i like him. i only dream about those that are seriously on my mind and i can't stop thinking about. Darion has been on my mind a lot in the past week. ever since he told me he loved me....i hope he means it. cuz i'm realizing just how far i've come to rely on him, and how far i've fallen for him. didn't do too well protecting my heart this time. oh well, my new saying is, (like my screen name for messenger..) "life is pain. anyone who says differently is selling something." that's a line off of princess bride. but i guess it's not all pain. there is some good mixed in with the pain. like friends...i have two i know will always be there to listen to me if i need to vent, to share my happy news with, to cry with, to laugh with, (even across the net. it's so still possible.) but also, i like the new linkin park song. i'm posting it like right now....

but so i'm seriously hoping that things develop between me and darion. i could use some positive stuff in my life...cuz choir is just bringing me down, no matter how hard i try to just keep above it...mmmm.. darion, happy thoughts....well i'm tired and it's time for me to be in bed. i have to perform tomorrow....ugh....wait happy thoughts...spencer-makes me laugh, darion-makes me happy and smile.... :D love you both so much

average jane signing off... (it's now 10:14 and i'm so exhausted...)

cute dresses and dumbass exs

so last night. sadly eric got sick and couldn't come. kinda sucked. but i still got to hang with steph. so it was all good. we ended up looking at dresses prom dresses and such. it was fun and i ended up really liking this dress that steph's sister wore once. and it's oober cute. but then we finished the movie, "save the last dance." it was way cute and i absolutely love it! anyhoo, then we went and saw premonition. i love it. we had to miss the last 10 -15 minutes cuz i had to make curfew. oh well, good stuff.

but right now i totally am pissed off at my ex. i decided to take the past month off of talking to him and really figure out my feelings and get it all solidified. so i finally got all things figured out and i decided to email him. then i get this dumbass email from him. and now i could care less if i ever saw him again. but, for a friend's sake i will be civil if i see him again. all of this has only solidified my feelings that i don't want to be with him ever again. i'm moving on. and i'm taking control of my life.

so tha's life. i just keep up thinking happy thoughts, like when i might see eric again. cuz i really need some laughs. and a hug. most definitely a hug. cuz today just kind of sucks. ugh.

average jane signing off. (i'm moving on for real this time)