falling....head over heels

kind of funny how some days ( or nights in this case) you really get to thinking about life, about things you do, why some names or things have significance in your life. i was just thinking about blog names. it took me a bit to understand my boyfriend's. lol then i found out the first significance is that it has a star trek reference... ;) felt pretty cool once i figured that out. but then i thought to mine. yeah...just a silly, normal title...but it's actually based off the title of a song that really had meaning to me especially at the time i created this blog. pretty much the song says, i'm trying to find my place in the diary of jane. i really liked the lyrics and kind of "adopted" , per se, the name jane, kind of just considering myself an average jane kind of girl. and when i began blogging, it was kind of in the middle of a part in my life that i really was trying to find out where i was going with my life. hence the part trying to find my place in the diary of jane...trying to find where i fit in my own life...and up until about a month ago, i still had no clue. well, of course i had the normal oh i want to go to college, get a good job, and travel. but i was still trying to figure out who i was, what i wanted to really get out of life. this was about the time i really realized that i didn't believe in god. i really didn't care about religion. but this past month...one thing has come into my life, specifically a person. someone that i have grown to care about beyond what i thought possible in just a short amount of time. sure i knew jay in high school...but we didn't really connect as we have now. i laugh when i think it is all thanx to face book that we are together...lol a part of me is wishing that i had found him sooner and been able to be with him. but to be honest, i think a great part of our amazing understanding of each other and our struggles, have come from having gone separate paths, yet similar, this past year. it has shaped us into the people we needed to be, before we could both appreciate this wonderful relationship we have.


tonight, we had the deepest, most soul-bearing conversation i have ever had with anyone. and for the first time, the response was not disappointment, or judgement. it was one of " i understand, i have been there." it was that way on both ends. and it amazed me how wonderful jay was about all of it...like i wasn't planning on having this deep of a discussion tonight...yet it just felt like the right time. and it turned out to be the best thing. our relationship has acquired a whole new depth to it. it's like....well, i can't even describe it. but it's the best feeling in the world. to know that you can tell someone how much you care about them, how much you just want to be with them, and know the feelings are reciprocated. to find that we are both far from perfect, yet so perfectly matched. to feel that i can trust them with anything...all of this combines into the greatest feeling in the world.


also, a song came on the radio today. it's called U got it bad by Usher. for those not familiar with it... here are the lyrics that really stick with me...



"you got it, you got it bad,
when you're on the phone,
hang up and you call right back,
you got it you got it bad,
if you miss a day without your friend your whole life's off track....
when you say that you love her and you really know that everything that used to matter, don't matter no more..."

( here's a link to hear all the song... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15bWP1O-bK0)

yah....that song just sticks with me, cuz i miss jay constantly... my life just feels almost complete with him just around...his absence pretty much creates a hole in my life, that can't be filled by anything else....yah...safe to say, i am falling for him...heck i have fallen...hard...and the hardest part is that my logical side is trying to tell me it's not possible...cuz i mean i have all my plans that are supposed to happen...i was supposed to stay away from getting romantically involved with anyone...yet here i am, so happy, so giddy...the luckiest woman alive...i have the greatest guy in the world and i hope i never lose him...cuz i've fallen hard....but it's not a bad thing...except for when we are apart... :) but yeah...not sure if i am still making sense...but i'm glad my life is on a better track...

well, i probably should sleep...g'night...

average jane signing off...

life is good! :D

once again i had the time of my life. mostly just because i was with jay. any time i can spend with him is the best...he is the best thing to happen to me. i'm so freakin lucky!!! lol

so today what did we do...lol we went to the clark planetarium and watched one of their IMAX shows. we have a duo membership there, so we figured why not use it. and i got to chose what we saw. lol we watched a film on mummies. it was way cool!!! i was so intrigued and would have loved to know more...lol must be my inner geek coming out. lol i try to repress it lol but i don't have to when i'm with jay, cuz he is just as geeky or more!! lol not that its a bad thing! i love it. because i don't feel like i have to explain things like 5 times until they get it. but yah...we had his sister kellyann along with us and she got bored i think watching it. lol but i had a blast! then we dragged poor jay along with us to some other stores lol. he's such a good sport. lol then we stopped in one of my fav. stores and jay loves it too. lol Barnes and Noble bookstore! lol gotta love books. it took all my will not to leave with an armful of books! lol we kind of teased jay by taking him into the astrology section, knowing full well he hates horoscopes and astrology...lol he was a good sport! lol we didn't stay there too long. lol but it's great that we have a mutual love of books! lol :D then we went on to bath and body works and we left after a bit cuz the mixed smells were getting to us both ... oh, then we decided to go to temple square lol. and the moment we walked in the gates, we were ambushed by this old gentleman that volunteers there . lol yes i mean ambush. like we had walked inside and been barely inside two seconds and he was like hi!!! have you been here before? lol but it was all good. and we ended up taking a tour. it was actually kinda cool..lol

but overall i think the best thing was just having jay near. i mean i was content to just walk along with his hand in mine, or his arms around me. i was comfortable and i didn't care who was looking. i feel comfortable in who i am and who i was with. most often, before me and jay were going out...i would just feel awkward somewhat on dates and uncomfortable with the guys...even though i liked them. like i was okay when it was just us, or with friends, but when i was out in public, it was awkward to me. i know it sounds weird...but that is how it was. then whenever i'm with jay, it's like none of that matters. i'm just with him and i don't seem to care much anymore. some things like us swinging our entertwined hands and skipping, lol, were totally me coming out of my bubble...but that is normal lol. though today it was fun actually lol :D lol anyhoo...so then, jay dropped me back at my house around 6 pm...lol we had been together for around 6 hours... :D but then we lingered on the doorstep. i didn't want him to go, and he didn't want to go either...lol :D i really am falling for him...:) life is great. it really is all going fantabulous~! can't wait to see him again...lol

well, laters...

averagejane floating off! :D

lovin life

*sigh* i don't think my life could be any more perfect than it is right now. i've got the best guy in the world...a job that is amzing....amzing friends...just everything is perfect. i don't feel like my life is just spiraling off into nowhere, like it has often over the last year or so. i would look at where i had been and mentally slapped myself. how did i get into the dumbest situations. you know...i will tell you. i was tryin so hard to break out of my "bubble", so trying to shock others, or prove them wrong, that i really wasn't choosing the things i really wanted, that i knew could not bring me anything but happiness. i chose the things i thought would make me happy, but that only lasted temporarily and i constantly set myself up for disappointment. but now i feel i've finally broke out of that pattern, come off that path. my life has taken a turn for the better, heck the best!!! my life could not possibly be much better than this.

two songs come to mind. one is called "i'm only me when i'm with you" by taylor swift. i love that song....just go on yahoo music to listen to it. but the part that i love is the chorus..." i'm only up when you're not down, don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground..." it's just cute...lol i've decided this song for various reasons is my song for jay...i mean he's never down! so that means i'm always happy. he makes me happy. i don't think i've felt this giddy and happy and floating on cloud nine! i don't think i could ever not want to be with him. and it also feels like i've known himf forever and that we have been dating longer than just almost a week. maybe that is cuz we have seen each other literally every night this week...lol or day as the case may be...lol and each time the only thing making it any easier to let him go, is the thought that i will see him in a few hours...lol well, sometimes more than a few. but still lol :D yeah...i feel so freaking lucky to have found a guy like this. i can't believe i am this lucky. he tells me he thinks he is luckier to have me, and i just say, i think i am so much luckier. how did i get such a cute, good looking!, sweet, adorable guy to be with me!?!?! lol yeah i really am lucky...and one thing i know for sure in this world....everything happens for a reason. and at the moment, i don't know why i got this lucky. but i do know that my previous relationships, even though they were crappy, had to happen so that i really could appreciate this great guy i have. jay is the sweetest guy i could ever hope for. i hope to not lose him...

but now that i have sufficiently babbled on about just jay...lol now i should probably mention what we did!~! lol we went to an improv show first off...well, that was after day murray music lol. but i loved the improv show! it was hilarious and i can't wait to go back next friday! lol me and jay have already planned that!! :D yay i think it's one of the times i have laughed the hardest in a long time.

then we decided to get something to eat when we got out. lol it was like 9 pm or 930, so we didn't eat until like 10 lol but then we hung at jay's house and him being a good guy (lol :D ) had to make sure i was home before midnight... i stalled a few times lol....he he ...he he...ha. but yah funny stuff...but lets just say that once again, jay amazed me at how amazing he is....

so i finally came home at 11:30 ish...and stalled more on the porch..lol (just one more jay...lol he he : D ) but i just couldn't resist....i had the greatest guy in the world in my arms...would you want to let go if you had the best person in the world with you? :) anyhoo...

well, i should go to sleep! i get to see him in 11 hours and 42 minutes!~~ :D yay!!! *kisses to my guy*

avearagejane floating away on cloud nine

oh p.s.. lol i forgot to mention the other song in my head. it's called "some hearts" by carrie underwood...the part really sticking with me is " i've never been the kind that you call lukcy,always stumblin around in circles, but i must have stumbled into something. look at me am i really alone with you...." lol *floats away...*

*sigh*

wow...lol so this is new to me.a different kind of relationship than i've had in the past...but i think the best i've had so far. there is more respect than i've ever experienced...it's simple and cute...it's fun, and i've missed that. the not having to wonder what the guy really wants. when he is just content to have you near, hold your hand, wrap his arms around you. i love it. yes, it is all still very new...and to be honest if someone had said a week or two ago, "he's just your type!!" and that we would be perfect together...lol i would have said they are crazy...lol wait! someone did say that...lol my friend elise did just that....my response was...' oh he's a great guy, really nice and funny...but nah...it wouldn't be anything other than friends..." yet here i am. incredibly happy and in a relationship with jay...a really sweet cute relationship. i know that is the last words a guy would like to have used to describe them...but, they are the best i've got to really explain how i feel....like when i just feel his arms wrap around me. when i feel his hand brush mine, entertwining our fingers...lol i just think thats so cute...and i'm not normally a cutesy girl like that! and best of all he makes me laugh. i can't think of anytime that he hasn't just even made me smile. it's great.

looking back on past relationships, i see where turning points were, where i let relationships lead down someplace, or places, i realize i didn't really want to be. i see that though i felt i had to experience all different things and just let myself open to new ideas, some experiences didn't really need to be had. i don't know if given the chance i would go back and skip some things...because maybe i had to learn the more difficult way. i know some experiences have made me stronger. some have made me appreciate the simple kindness, and simple cute ways a guy can express he likes you, really cares about you.

anyhoo...lol i've babbled enough, and been dwelling too much on the past. it's time to leave it there. i've jsut begun in a great relationship where i can honestly say i've never been happier...i am proud and stoked to wear his class ring...it's on a chain around my neck lol :D anyhoo..can't wait until i get to see him tomorrow....lol wait it already is tomorrow! he he. so tonight....:D anyhoo, laters.

average jane signing off

what a great day! :D

wow! i just had a really good night. it actually was a good afternoon into night. lol i ended up hangin out with my friend, elise, and jsut talking about guys and whatever else came to mind...lol then we decided it was okay for me to invite jay to hang with us...about a half hour or so later he shows up at the park we were at...lol then my friend decided to split and me and jay did some geocaching! lol he's got me hooked on that now. its really way fun! we did four around the area, and as we were finishing the last one, it was about time that the sun was setting so we just sat on the trunk of his car and watched the sunset. it was comfortable in his arms...lol oh did i mention we had kind of begun dating? lol but then i said to him at one point about how i was amzed he wasn't sick of me yet after seeing me like most every night of the week but like two nights! lol well, he just made this really cute comment lol then he told me he was kind of wanting this to be more permanent. i said that sounds great. so it's official! me and jay are going out...lol tomorrow he is going to give me his class ring to wear...lol how cute is that?!?!?! so oldfashioned and incredibly cute. lol

well i oughta get to bed as i have work tomorrow!!! he he...laters! : D

TWILIGHT! !!! ahhh!! :D

so i totally have to repost this!!! there is a teaser trailer out for only the most amazing movie coming out this year!!!! twilight!!!!! i am beyond stoked for this movie!@!! but i have to wait until dec. 12th. i am totally going to the midnight showing of this! if anyone, that is in utah, lol wants to come with me, let me know!!!! cuz i am going and nothing short of someone dying will stop me!


hee here is the link to the trailer! :D


http://www.imdb.com/video/trailer/vi2380464409/


averagejane signing off! :D

update pt. 2

okay time for update pt. 2!!!

so i made it through one day...lol here we go again. so then i had made plans to see j. again on sat. night but then had to postpone them until mon. i actually ended up celebrating my friend's birthday by seeing the forbidden kingdom. it was okay. i found it incredibly cheesy and really kind of boring lol. but hey it was my friend tyler's birthday! love the guy. lol but then i made it an early night cuz i was still tired from my thursday night/friday morning adventure! :D

so then i got to see j. again on monday night (apr. 28th). i went over to his place to chill for a few hours...we just watched some basketball in his room, just relaxing on ...lol and of course kissed...i'll leave it at that. but then we both remembered we had work in the morning so i made it home by midnight...lol so that was good stuff...

hmm...pretty uneventful week until thursdya night (may 1st.) tyler texted me about goin to a midnight showing and of course i said i will so be there. the funny part is that i thought it was speed racer that was coming out. lol nope! it was iron man. speed racer just came out today...lol but anyhooo, so i came home and slept a bit, then met up with tyler and a friend and went to iron man! we of course went to megaplex 20 at the district. Tyler's fav. theater! practically won't go anywhere else!!! lol but let me just say....amzing movie!!! i would totally go and see it again! tyler kind of didn't think i liked it cuz i react outloud to movies sometimes. lol and i'll just say i let the f-word slip twice. i dont know why cuz i really try to not use that one. but tyler tried to cheer me up by sayin i could call him a dork...lol total inside story on that one. but he's great! lol one of my bestest friends. then, the movie was over and we went back to tyler's place to get our cars. and mine wouldn't start! lets just say i must have been tired cuz i totally said to them, my car won't fuckin start. yeah i was tired and pissed and frustrated. but, that isn't an excuse. and tyler said to me after the other girl left, ' i didn't mention this in front of nicki, but when did you become such a big user of the f-word?' and that just stopped me in my tracks...i knew he didn't like swearing and i usually refrained from it. i really don't swear that much... anyhoo. i said to him, i don't know why i've been jsut swearing...i don't really use the f-word... but yeah...it was different to see him so serious and kind of just sad or something like that...maybe disappointed. that was what really shocked me. i guess it's one of my favorite things about him. his emotions. he shows what he is feeling and there is no halfway point. its all or nothing lol sometimes it's incredibly frustrating...but i love it most times. it's great and entertaining somedays....:) anyhoo, i'm babbling.

so, we got my car started by having tyler jumpstart it. it got running. but then i got him home and once i shut the engine off, everything just died. and it wouldn't start up again...i was so frustrated! lol i ended up taking my dad's car to work the next day cuz mine still wouldn't start on it's own and not have to be jumpstarted. but then my big sis graduated from SLCC!!! it's exciting. then i went to meet them for lunch and ended up waiting half an hour for them, before i gave up and just left to run some other errands. by the time they actually showed up to the designated meeting spot, i had to just stop in for one min. to tell them my lunch break was over. for some reason i was really frustrated by having to wait and all and just was about to cry and ended up skipping lunch... i think my frustration was due to being tired and already frustrated with my car. anyhoo... so then that night me and my big sis went and saw MADE OF HONOR. it was a cute show. i think i wasn't as impressed cuz i kind of already was expecting too much of it. i think that is why i liked iron man cuz i really hadn't seen anything about it except some teaser trailer. i didn't know what the story was about really. ;D lol but before the movie, we went to dinner at arctic circle. lol we coudn't decide whether we wanted chicken or hamburger so this is what we got. lol well i got a jr. bacon cheeseburger, chicken rings, cheese breadsticks, small fry, and a chocolate fudge brownie shake. lol needless to say we didn't completely finish it all! lol but it was fun!! i might do it again some time... but then after the movie we went home cuz i needed rest.

hmm...sat. (may 3rd) i spent the morning figuring out my car. and it somehow fixed itself, sorta. my dad added some water to my battery, and it seemed to help it...lol don't know if that will be a permanent fix or not...lol i hope nothing else is wrong! but then that afternoon i went on bike ride with my dad and lil sis. it was loads of fun! lol i really will do it again soon. then, that night my family went to sizzler to celebrate my mom's birthday from like two months ago.. lol shows how busy we have been! lol but it was yummy. then i went to a wedding reception with my big sis. and then we went and saw the movie JUMPER. it was a good idea for a story, but it wasn't very well done. it had a very intriguing idea, but the story was kind of confusing and some parts werent explained very well...but yeah!..

hmm...so this week...nothin really happenin'. lol well on tuesday (may 6th) i went to dinner and a movie with friends. my friend elise and i went to eat at wingers. it was my first time. i got a sticky fingers wrap. it was pretty good. then somehow she convinced me to go to a scary movie. i went and saw prom night. but to be honest, it wasn't as scary as i thought it was gonna be. lol the funny part is that my friend elise convinced me to call j. up and invite him along. i finally got the guts to and he didnt' answer. lol so then i called my friend jay and he met us at the theater. it was funny, cuz he said to me at the beginning of the movie, "feel free to grab me at any time" lol cuz elise and him had joked that i would need to hold on to him cuz i was scared. i dont really like scary movies. but the ones i go to, i do better with ones that can be explained rationally rather than some supernatural creepiness... anyhoo i survived!!! with no nightmares! lol then the best part was after. me and elise decided to drag state street! lol i've never done that before and we just blasted our music! lol it's amzing we didn't get pulled over. we passed at least three or four cops when i was either blatantly speeding or blatantly trying to quickly brake! lol it was total pure luck! i must have a dang good guardian angel! lol but then on the way back south on state street, we kind of got into a little race with this kind of cute guy in a sleek little silver car. lol it only lasted a few blocks, but it was a blast! lol we were laughing our fool heads off! then we stopped at a 7-eleven by elise's house and the first thing she said is "oh dang the gay guy is working" well she and her friends thought he was gay cuz he just was an interesting character. lol but it turned out to be a friend of mine that i knew from a college class...lol and he is not gay. lol it was funny cuz i think we spent like a half hour just talking about school and how things were going for him up at the U. lol it was cool to catch up. but so then i dropped elise off and got home about 12:30 am on weds. may 7th. lol i was tired at work.

hmm...then thursday i had the most brilliant idea to ride my bike to the library to get some books, rather than taking my car. lol lets just say it's uphill to one street, then downhill to the library. so, i about died on the trip up hill! lol it was funny. my muscles hated me. lol when i walked in the library, my legs felt like jelly! (lol blackberry jelly for those smartasses who would ask what flavor jelly! : D ) lol but it was relatively okay gettin home. and bonus- i saw my friend art pass by in his truck and he waved at me! lol he's funny and i haven't seen him in forever...lol he took the shell off his truck and it looks loads better. lol and he's still as cute as ever. but yeah it was really cool!! :D

okay now to yesterday. we found a kitten outside in our yard at work and claudia came to me to see if i wanted to adopt it. and so i decided to take it home and take care of it. the guys at work totally hooked me up with some milk replacer as the kitten was still a newborn with it's eyes still shut. but last night i couldn't sleep because all it would do was cry and such like it was hungry, but it wouldn't drink much from the little bottle i had. oh and we named it sammy cuz we weren't sure of the gender. lol but so this morning i brought the kitten to work to see if a customer would like it. but then i ended up giving it to the humane society to raise and try to adopt it out. my mom helped me by taking it to the humane society and the lady there judged it to be less than a week old.

but here i am at work tryin to survive. it's been crazy and such being the one running the joint. i don't have any bosses her and it's been loads of fun trying to just work everything out. but at the same time i like it. the only problem has been dealing with getting lunch. work pays for lunch on the saturdays we are open, but we have been having pizza ordered in most weeks and the guys are sick of it. but i couldn't get anything on short notice other than pizza so that is what they got!!! lol

well, that is what is happening with me!!! lol longest post ever! but tonight i have a date with my friend jay. lol we are going to desert star theater and i'm kind of excited. lol well, time to close up finally!!!!! :D yay

average jane signingoff...:D