update previously untitled

well, here's my update for the week. so i have the habit of freaking out about things when i really have no cause to. like if i start a new relationship with someone, i think too much about it and then really flip. that's basically what destroyed my last relationship. and it's hitting me again. and it kind of sucks. cuz i want to find a serious relationship, but at the same time, i have to take it slow and get to know a person before i can even begin to conquer this odd habit. but yeah so there are two guys in my life that i don't know what i want with, as in friendship/relationship. a friend advised strongly against one. because lets just say that this one is into not so great of stuff, yet he makes me feel great. like i have a friend when sometimes i feel like i've lost other friends. especially my close ones. and that's why i stay in touch with him. but then the other guy, well, i'm still not sure about him. like we only met a few weeks ago, and i still need to figure out what i want out of this. like maybe just a friendship, or maybe more. all i know is that for now i'm sticking with just friends until i get to know them both better. and damn i'm still in high school, so i have a few years to worry about getting really serious with anyone. even though a part of me really wants it. i cant let myself because i know that i dont need it and that i need to really get to know a person and be sure that such a relationship is what i want. of course there are also other things that need to be considered. like sometimes these guys i speak of don't seem to be on the same mind track as me. like they might possibly do things or be into things i'm not so sure about. i may not have real set standards, and really dont believe a lot of the things of the mormon church, as is my family's religion, but there are some things i won't be pressured into. like in boy# 1's case, we'll call him j. well, j. is kind of into drugs and such, sort of, and i don't think i'd want to get into that, but i know that j would never pressure me into anything i dont want. and he genuinely cares.... boy#2. well, i don't know him all that well yet so i don't know. i think he wouldn't pressure me into anything. but i guess i trust him. well, as much as i can barely knowing him. and also i guess i question how someone can really really like anyone they just only met. i dunno. it's just kind of my nature to think too much about things. but yeah.

so i guess the only way i can really see how things will be is to just kind of go with the flow. and i guess what complicates things is that there are other guys i like besides these main two. and one of the other guys i like are changing. and it's weird to see it. cuz it's kind of hard to see someone you care about changing before your eyes and theres nothing you can do. like another person i care about. they are chagning and it makes me wonder what's goin on in their life to have such an effect on their life to change them almost so completely that i barely know them anymore. and it really sucks. also another friend is kind of growing more distant.

but yeah that's life. but i'm reminding myself constantly that i need to just take risks, not worry so much and just have fun@! :D

oh totally funny story. so i called up my friend nathan to see if he wanted to come to this high school music festival thing. and my mom thinks i'm talking to eric, my new friend. and so when i ask nathan if he needs a ride, i ask my mom if i can have the care to go pick him up. but i don't say names and she thinks i'm talking to eric. and she kind of flips and says you can't be alone in a car with him. it's like a date!!! :D lol yeh my mom's strict. but then i explain after i hang up that i was talking to nathan and asked again if i could have the car to pick him up. and she immediately says oh! yeah tha's okay. it's just nathan. and then talkin to my dad, "it's not like he's gonna kiss her or makeout with her. " LOL yeh i busted up laughing. so then i pick up nathan and i tell him all this. and he says how does she know we wouldn't make out. Lol so i bust up laughing again. and he says it'd be funny if we did make out. it'd make a statement to my parents. but then he's like can you see us kissing? and i'm like sorry, no. he's like yeah. we're like brother and sister. lol but yeah now we have the funniest inside jokes. and today he joked with me and steph about me and him not going any farther than first base. lol good times!!! nathan made my day in saying that. lol

anyhoo, so that's my update! :D should last me for a while.

average jane signing off! ( time to take risks and just go with the flow.)

oh and one more thing. i guess focusing on these guys kind of distract me from the fact that it feels like i'm losing a really close friend. i know talking to j. does that. he understands and cares. i like that feeling a whole lot. ne who. average jane off! :D